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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eleanor Rigby

35 replies

Miniestelle · 27/09/2020 14:44

Hi am new to munsnet. I feel a bit daft to be honest. But my divorce was finalised 3 years ago. Ex is now happily married. We have 2 children together girl aged 13 and boy aged 7. We share the childcare. Things haven't been very good but that's not what I want ask advice about.

I haven't got remarried. I haven't even met anyone I would like to 're marry. Or even date. Ex met someone within 3 months, married her the next month. I darent do internet dating, I married him because loved him and wanted to spend my life with him for better or worse.. I feel I am too old I am 42. I think it's going to be a long and lonely life. Am I unreasonable to hope that i there is chance I could meet some else at 42 years old? There must allways be hope, but I don't think so for me.

OP posts:
TweetUsOnFacebook · 27/09/2020 14:48

For starters 42 is YOUNG but you're never too old to want to be loved and love in return. I know many that have succeeded with internet dating, what is putting you off?

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/09/2020 14:49

Too old for what? Of course there’s hope to meet somebody. Plenty of people haven’t met their first spouse or had their first child at little more than your age!

If you don’t want to internet date then there are other options; although they may be limited unless you’re very sociable. What do you do outside of work and childcare? What hobbies and interests do you have? Do you belong to any groups?

formerbabe · 27/09/2020 14:49

Yes you're right...no one in history has ever started a new relationship after the age of 42...Hmm

Of course you're not too old!!

Leaannb · 27/09/2020 14:50

My 78nyo old.motjer jas found love again. She is getting remarried in November. You are never too old for love or education

motherofdxughters · 27/09/2020 14:50

42 is not old, not by any stretch of the imagination. Your ex moved on extremely quickly and rushed into a marriage but that doesn't mean you won't find anyone yourself.

Bloodybridget · 27/09/2020 14:51

@Miniestelle I got together with my DP aged 46, it's been 20 years now. We're two women, but I see no reason why you shouldn't meet a nice man. I must say, though, online dating does seem to be what most singles do these days. It's hard work but might be worth it! Good luck!

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/09/2020 14:51

And honestly, I think online dating is one of the most practical and efficient ways of dating. You get some idea upfront of what someone is like, you can meet for a quick drink of coffee to see if you click in real life, and work from there. It genuinely isn’t as scary as some people will have you believe provided you have your wits about you, have a sense of humour and aren’t prone to over-investing at the slightest hint of attention.

SuzieCarmichael · 27/09/2020 14:58

I hate that bloody song. Such a terrible view of a woman’s life.

MikeUniformMike · 27/09/2020 15:03

Ex met someone within 3 months, married her the next month.
Rebound relationship?
Did he consider his children?

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 27/09/2020 15:05

Are you still in love with your ex? Maybe try and move on from him and then you will be open to
Meeting someone new.

Original poster
Miniestelle · 27/09/2020 15:05

Hi everyone, thank you ever so much for replying, I didn't think anyone would. I was plucking my wissened old wizard chin hairs this morning and just thought 'who the hell would want to be with you'

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 27/09/2020 15:05

You are only 42, you could well meet somebody wonderful.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2020 15:08

Plenty of people are only meeting their first big love in their 40s! And you’re writing yourself off?

If one of your friends said they were marrying someone after a month of dating, you would think it was a little crazy. Sure sometimes it works but it doesn’t mean that Ex has it all. If anything it shows he can’t be alone.

You take your time to meet someone who is right for you.

frogface69 · 27/09/2020 15:11

I was married for the second time when I was 46. The love of my life, but it’s been 2.5 years since I was widowed. No more weddings for me only because I would have to forsake my widows pension.
Yes, it would be nice to have a companion and open to the possibility.
I think I understand about the dating online. Watching programmes about internet dating disasters made me wobbly.
But life and love is there to be enjoyed and I say go for it.
Now we can’t mingle so easily it’s now that internet dating will maybe attract more than the usual people.
I wish you well !

StitchInTimeSavesNine · 27/09/2020 15:13

42!

One of mY closest friends didn't meet her dh until 40 and they have three dc now. I haven't canvessed his opinion on her chin but I can if you like!

Also my SIL. Early forties. Met a nuclear engineer with the US army and moved to Carolina,

JamieLeeCurtains · 27/09/2020 15:17

Ex met someone within 3 months, married her the next month

I honestly he hadn't never earlier than that ...

ktp100 · 27/09/2020 15:19

I love how you say 42 as if it's 85!!

Get out there, FFS!! That's what your ExH did and that's why he's remarried!

queenMab99 · 27/09/2020 15:21

I met someone 3 years after a divorce, at 46, we got married when I was 48, we had 20 happy exciting years together, until he died 5 years ago. I don't regret marrying him but I was happy on my own then and I am now. I am just trying to say that however life turns out, you can be happy, both situations have their own upsides and downsides.

Original poster
Miniestelle · 27/09/2020 15:21

:03MikeUniformMike

Ex met someone within 3 months, married her the next month.to be honest I think I was, but not now. I think im stuck in a bit of a rut.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 27/09/2020 15:37

That is far too soon OP. Sensible people do not marry someone they have only known a month.

Why not dip your toes into OLD? You don't have to go on any dates if you don't want to.

Or have a bit of a think as to how you would like your life to be.

Original poster
Miniestelle · 27/09/2020 15:38

I know. Thank you so much for replying xx

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtains · 27/09/2020 15:40

Ex met someone within 3 months, married her the next month

Sorry my post above didn't make any sense.

It was supposed to say, I think he may have met her a bit earlier than that.

And it was incredibly unfair on his DC.

MikeUniformMike · 27/09/2020 15:48

If he did marry someone within 1 month, chances are he was just settling and it has no reflection on you.

Look at yourself in the mirror and see the kind, thoughtful, amazing person you are. Go through your wardrobe and get rid of things that remind you of him and start your new exciting future.

Therarestone · 27/09/2020 15:51

Misunderstood the voting, sorry.

I meant you are unreasonable for thinking you're too old.

You are definitely not too old to meet someone new. My MIL met the love of her life in her 50s after her divorce from FIL. She's so happy now, they are perfect for each other.

VeryQuaintIrene · 27/09/2020 16:07

I met the love of my life at 42, 14 years ago. Courage!