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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About my sister.

32 replies

Worriedsick3000 · 27/09/2020 13:15

3 yrs ago my sister had a seizure while driving thankfully no one was hurt. It was her first one so she said the dr said she can drive a few days later ( i believe she lied to me). A week ago she had another one while at work. After she was discharged she got a taxi back to work then drove herself home. I went mental at her on the phone. She told me to fuck off and put the phone down haven't heard from her since as i told her not to if shes still driving.
What the fuck do i do now ? How can anyone be so selfish?

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 27/09/2020 13:19

That’s very difficult. Could you send a message to her GP asking for advice? They may have an obligation to report it to the DVLA.

Of course you could report it yourself but I doubt your relationship would survive, it doesn’t sound great anyway.

DizzyPigeon · 27/09/2020 13:21

It's three years ago. What do you want to do?

The only thing i would be tempted to do is let the dvla know, if I knew she was still having seizures and driving.

DizzyPigeon · 27/09/2020 13:22

Sorry, I see the most recent one was a week ago. I read it as a week later.

I would speak to the dvla. I couldn't live with myself if she killed someone while driving.

theginge · 27/09/2020 13:26

My friend had seizures and had to surrender her license. She was told that if she surrendered it then the process of getting it back would be easier than if the dvla had to revoke.

She had to be seizure free for 12 months before driving again. This was a few years ago now but i imagine the process is much the same.

KarmaStar · 27/09/2020 13:27

Is she in denial or something?or just very stupid?
She can,and probably will,and up injuring herself and innocent people either driving or pedestrians.
The fact it's on her medical notes means her insurance will be invalid and her licence would have been temporarily revoked,yes you should contact dvla,whether they will do anything I don't know,but you can speak to your local police community support for advice.you're right to be worried and angry op.
Totally selfish of her.
I hope someone gets through to her before she kills herself or someone else.

Spreadingcomfrey · 27/09/2020 13:41

In your shoes I would arrange to meet up somewhere neutral and have a talk.

This is your sister! Express sympathy - try and put yourself in her shoes - acknowledge that this is a very hard thing she is going through. She is losing her independence. And imagine how scared she must feel not knowing when she is going to become incapacitated next. She is probably terrified about the future.

Lots of people with illnesses such as epilepsy or diabetes react by being "in denial" or non-compliant with drugs. A family member of mine is going through the same thing currently (but has surrendered his licence). They didn't ask to be put in this situation.

Ultimately, your objective is to tell her that unless she surrenders her licence, you will have no choice but to report her, but she won't "hear you" properly unless she feels heard and understood herself.

Original poster

Worriedsick3000 · 27/09/2020 16:50

Her gp is aware. I do have sympathy for her but she generally doesn't care about how her actions affect others in driving and other situations. Shes not in denial just doesn't care. I cant report her only try and make her see how dangerous it is.

OP posts:

GemmeFatale · 27/09/2020 16:54

You absolutely can report her. If you don’t and she kills someone/herself while driving due to a seizure will you be able to live with yourself?

QueenofmyPrinces · 27/09/2020 17:02

I have epilepsy and am currently going through a really shit time.

I went seizure free for over 13 years and then out of the blue I had one last August. I was devastated and handing back my licence was so, so hard. I knew I would have to go a year seizure free before getting it back, which was really challenging - but 5 weeks before I could get my licence back I had another seizure so went right back to square one again.

Losing my licence has made my life very, very hard but I would never consider lying and continuing to drive.

Personally, I would contact the DVLA and I would tell them. It sounds like your sister is in denial to be honest.

Your sister would eventually forgive you when she has come to terms with what has happened.

Is she being investigated for epilepsy seeing as she’s had another seizure?

At the end of the day, she could kill others and kill her self.

If it was my sister, if I knew I could possibly prevent her death (selfishly thinking more about her potentially dying in a crash as opposed to strangers being hurt), then I absolutely would tell the DVLA.

Emelene · 27/09/2020 17:04

Yes you can look up the regulations with the DVLA and report. It's very dangerous to drive with uncontrolled seizures.

BigBreastedMumma · 27/09/2020 17:07

@Worriedsick3000

I would report her. It could be your family/kids she accidently kills. Her seizures needs investigating. Could be a (non cancerous) benign on the brain that may need medication to control.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 27/09/2020 17:08

Even if you reported it and she lost her license she sounds like the sort of person who would carry on driving anyway so I doubt it would solve much

Mittens030869 · 27/09/2020 17:15

This is such a difficult position for you to be in, but if your sister really is in denial and continuing to drive whilst being at risk of having more seizures, then yes, you should report her to the DVLA. She’s being so very selfish.

Pinkshrimp · 27/09/2020 17:20

@theginge

My friend had seizures and had to surrender her license. She was told that if she surrendered it then the process of getting it back would be easier than if the dvla had to revoke.

She had to be seizure free for 12 months before driving again. This was a few years ago now but i imagine the process is much the same.

Yes it’s the same, a friend had a seizure last year. After being put on medication and being seizure free for 12 months she now has it back.

giletrouge · 27/09/2020 17:34

Why do you say you can't report her OP?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 27/09/2020 17:54

She did lie to you. I'd contact the DVLA directly. She could end up killing someone, selfish git.

Original poster

Worriedsick3000 · 27/09/2020 18:12

She was driving before she passed her test so losing it wont make a difference.

OP posts:

dontgobaconmyheart · 27/09/2020 18:24

Why 'can't' you report her though OP? She has form for illegal driving and clearly doesn't care, she sounds selfish, immature and dangerous. Of course it is not her fault she suffers wih whatever it is that causes seizures but that doesn't change the fact that she is behaving recklessly driving having just had one or without a license previously.

I have a condition that causes me to lose consciousness and had to accept long ago it is not appropriate for me to drive safely, so I obviously do not, highly inconvenient and limiting though that is.

I would be writing to her GP to appraise them, then they can contact the DVLA if her condition warrants further investigation re: eligibility to drive. If you know she is driving unwell on the road, call the police, she could end lives!

Circumstances depending you need to be well clear of seizures and them be fully controlled for a length of time to be eligible to regain your license. A week isn't even close.

Keepingcomfy · 27/09/2020 18:26

The responsibility is on the driver to alert the DVLA not the GP, hospital. However, you can inform them. Look at the Glasgow bin lorry tragedy. He was having black outs but kept driving.

CCSA · 27/09/2020 18:51

Likely that her insurance won’t be valid too so also horrendously financially risky too

DizzyPigeon · 27/09/2020 19:31

Of course you can report her. It's not difficult.

You are choosing not to.

That's going to be some burden to carry if things go badly wrong. Good luck.

Original poster

Worriedsick3000 · 28/09/2020 00:22

Ì cant report her as i would lose her forever for nothing. Even if the dvla finds out she wouldn't stop. Shes been without insurance before. The cause is unknown shes been offered an appointment with the neuro team but she didn't go the last time

OP posts:

rorosemary · 28/09/2020 00:46

Was she advised not to drive? I have a friend with epilepsy who was allowed to drive after the first few seizures but later on wasn't allowed till he was seizure free for a year. I don't remember exactly what the difference was but I think ithad to do with his medication at the time. He now hasn't had a seizure in many years thanks to his new medication.

MsPavlichenko · 28/09/2020 01:00

She might kill someone (if not herself). I'd rather lose contact in this situation tbh. Report her please.

I assume you can do it anonymously, and at least you can live with yourself knowing you are not complicit.

MrsClatterbuck · 28/09/2020 01:33

So basically she doesn't give a shit. You really need to report her.
As someone mentioned up thread about the lorry driver in Glasgow. How will you feel if she does similar and know that you could have prevented it happening by reporting her. She mightn't feel guilty but you will to your dying day.

Is your relationship with her more important than someone's life. Maybe a child maybe even your own or someone belonging to you. I certainly wouldn't be getting into a car with her or my kids. Does she have family how about she's responsible for one of her kids death.

And by the way what do you mean if you report her it will have been for nothing. If she still drives with no licence I am sure she can be reported anonymously. What she is doing is really much the same as a drink driver. I sincerely hope she doesn't live around my neck of the woods. Driving is tough enough without idiots like her on the road and I say that having two friends killed in accidents in their teens. In fact where I grew up there were at least 6 different fatalities due to road accidents in our area.

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