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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gifts AIBU?

45 replies

SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 09:41

Post for traffic.
Regular user new name.

So i just got married (hurray!)
The two groomsmen and one other guest all clubbed together and bought "us" a handmade regional guitar (think banjo/ukele/sitar) for our wedding. It was presented to my husband at our wedding party while I was in the toilet/elsewhere. He was effusive and said nothing but nice things to their faces.

I say they gave it to us - I don't play have no interest and it is a gift only my now husband!!! Grin can use.
I am not sure how regularly as he has 6+ standard guitars and it's a "niche" instrument.

We just discussed it and it got a bit strained.
He says of the roles were reversed he would think it was off but ultimately wouldn't care.
I am starting to think I am a completely arsehole to even mention it

YANBU this is a weird gift and the guests were rude

YABU its fine. I'd do similar and think its is not at all rude.

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 27/09/2020 09:44

YANBU but it’s the equivalent of your bridesmaids buying something that was really for you rather than DH.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 27/09/2020 09:47

It's a bit weird but I wouldn't say rude. They've been thinking of the groom, and it sounds like a lovely, thoughtful present for him. Is it maybe meant as a present for him, rather than the bride&groom? The same way bridesmaids might buy something for the bride?

Original poster
SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 09:47

The bridesmaids both got us something from the giftlist like normal people 😂

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 27/09/2020 09:47

You can listen to him play it so it is also for you :) Hope he's good.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 09:48

I think yabu actually. I don't think it would even be questioned if it was a present for the bride from her bridesmaids.

TheKeatingFive · 27/09/2020 09:50

I think it’s somewhere in between. A bit of a strange choice, but I’d think you ruder for turning it into a big deal than they were for getting it IYSWIM.

user1493413286 · 27/09/2020 09:52

I can’t say it’d bother me; my bridesmaid paid for part of my hen do as a wedding present and one of our guests gave “us” a particular drink that DH loves but I don’t and I didn’t think too much of it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/09/2020 09:52

Clearly a gift for him but I’d let it go. Otherwise you’re into putting a price on their participation and expecting value out of guests. It was thoughtful and thoughtless at the same time.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/09/2020 09:54

you make it sound as if you only got married for the gifts [Hmm

aSofaNearYou · 27/09/2020 09:54

I think it's a bit entitled to be bothered by this, tbh. It was a thoughtful gift for their actual friend, they shouldn't have had to get anything.

Bubblebox · 27/09/2020 09:55

It could be worse. Dh’s groomsman bought ‘us’ a HUGE piece of ‘artwork’ dedicated to his favourite sports team.
Not only was it a gift for him, I have to give the ugly thing house space and look at it regularly.
However, I wouldn’t ever say anything. It was a thoughtful gift.

Pipandmum · 27/09/2020 09:56

I bought my friend a painting as I knew she'd love it. Her husband has probably never looked at it since she hung it up. I knew her best, she was my friend marrying a guy I didn't know particularly well. I didn't want to but her something off her list but rather something very personal.
The groomsmen doing something similar for my husband would not have given me a second thought. They obviously thought it would be something he'd love.

pussycatinboots · 27/09/2020 09:56

@OhTheRoses

You can listen to him play it so it is also for you :) Hope he's good.
Unless they've bought you some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones, then it's a completely pointless gift.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/09/2020 09:56

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

you make it sound as if you only got married for the gifts [Hmm
I agree.

Presumably the groomsmen are his friends so picked something with meaning for him. I think it’s sweet.

PelicanBill · 27/09/2020 09:57

Slightly odd, but not rude! We had a slightly similar thing where a few of my husband’s friends pitched in to get him a beer making kit. I just chalked it up to the fact that they were his friends specifically and so were inevitably more focused on him than on me, so I didn’t think about it too much.

Moltenpink · 27/09/2020 09:59

Are they thinking you could mount it on the wall or something?

Imloosingmyshit · 27/09/2020 10:19

Granted it’s weird. But it’s so hard getting something thoughtful and useful with that personal touch. They probably just got carried away with themselves. Your neither YABU or Yanbu

pictish · 27/09/2020 10:20

It’s a gift to him from his friends. It’s not rude.

Original poster
SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 10:24

To be fair I wasn't actually bothered about gifts per se pre wedding. Neither of us were.
DH was the one who insisted we make a gift list as some people prefer physical gift giving

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 27/09/2020 10:26

It’s a nice gift for their friend. I expect hey thought you’d be pleased for the man you jut married and presumably quite like to have a nice thing that he’d really enjoy.

And considering the vanishingly small number of men who are genuinely interested in expensive candles, fluffy towels, floral bedding and designer vases, I’d say that most wedding gifts I’ve been guided by the gift list to buy in the past few years were very much presents for the bride!

Original poster
SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 10:28

@Bubblebox

It could be worse. Dh’s groomsman bought ‘us’ a HUGE piece of ‘artwork’ dedicated to his favourite sports team. Not only was it a gift for him, I have to give the ugly thing house space and look at it regularly. However, I wouldn’t ever say anything. It was a thoughtful gift.
This contextualises things 😂😂😂
OP posts:
pictish · 27/09/2020 10:31

@ComtesseDeSpair

It’s a nice gift for their friend. I expect hey thought you’d be pleased for the man you jut married and presumably quite like to have a nice thing that he’d really enjoy.

And considering the vanishingly small number of men who are genuinely interested in expensive candles, fluffy towels, floral bedding and designer vases, I’d say that most wedding gifts I’ve been guided by the gift list to buy in the past few years were very much presents for the bride!

Never a truer word said.
CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2020 10:43

You have to look at it differently.

His friends clubbed together to buy him a gift they thought he would love. Your wedding gave them the perfect excuse to show him how much they think of him. He is loved.

Enjoy that feeling, don't spoil it for him by being jealous. And yes, that really was your first reaction. Why is that, do you think?

justilou1 · 27/09/2020 10:56

It’s not intentionally rude, as much as it’s thoughtless. They didn’t buy you TWO a present... they bought HIM one. It’s typical, caught up in the bromance bullshittery. I suspect your DH would be underwhelmed if you and your bridesmaids all knew each other through, say.... a cat breeding society and they banded together and bought you a kitten. I suggest you teach them a lesson by taking lessons. That will piss them off royally.

sammylady37 · 27/09/2020 11:28

Wow. You’re newly married and this is bothering you enough to start a thread on it?