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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gifts AIBU?

45 replies

SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 09:41

Post for traffic.
Regular user new name.

So i just got married (hurray!)
The two groomsmen and one other guest all clubbed together and bought "us" a handmade regional guitar (think banjo/ukele/sitar) for our wedding. It was presented to my husband at our wedding party while I was in the toilet/elsewhere. He was effusive and said nothing but nice things to their faces.

I say they gave it to us - I don't play have no interest and it is a gift only my now husband!!! Grin can use.
I am not sure how regularly as he has 6+ standard guitars and it's a "niche" instrument.

We just discussed it and it got a bit strained.
He says of the roles were reversed he would think it was off but ultimately wouldn't care.
I am starting to think I am a completely arsehole to even mention it

YANBU this is a weird gift and the guests were rude

YABU its fine. I'd do similar and think its is not at all rude.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 27/09/2020 13:29

Well, they were invited to the marriage of the bride and groom, not just the groom...

seayork2020 · 27/09/2020 13:37

Maybe they are not used to the fact there is actually a groom involved, most weddings I hear about the groom is hardly mentioned

LuckyToTheStar · 27/09/2020 13:49

YABU. I would think absolutely nothing of a bridesmaid buying the bride a gift specifically for her.

His friends got him a gift 🤷‍♀️

LoveEatYoga · 27/09/2020 13:52

I think YABU

It is clearly more for him but lots of gifts might end up being appreciated more by one partner than the other and it's probably more often than the bride.

And gift lifts are tacky

AuntyPasta · 27/09/2020 13:57

It would be a bit like buying a couple a road bike as a wedding gift. A bit odd but at least one of you will get some use from it. If it really annoys you learn to play.

Odile13 · 27/09/2020 13:58

Yes, the gift was really for your husband, not you as a couple.

I voted YABU because it’s such a petty thing. Enjoy being married and don’t give it another thought.

Normandy144 · 27/09/2020 14:06

Yes it is odd, but YABU to even give this headspace. It certainly doesn't warrant having a strained discussion over it.

CakeRequired · 27/09/2020 14:07

I think yabu. As someone else said, how many things on the gift list were actually things he would use or care about? Probably not that many.

Plus if you make this an issue, it's just going to make him think you don't like his friends, which will make the relationship even more strained and your marriage will probably fail. I'd let it go, he can use it, it's not like it's something neither of you can use.

happythankyoumoreplease · 27/09/2020 14:08

Yes YABU and you sound like a shallow grabby bitch. You are just newly married yet you choose to spend your honeymoon period writing a stupid thread like this?? We're in the middle of a global pandemic where many people have had to cancel their weddings. Get over yourself. And I agree with previous posters you wouldn't have batted an eyelid if the gift had been from your bridesmaids to you rather than both of you. FFS

SmudgeButt · 27/09/2020 14:08

Personally I think just picking something off a wish list put together by the bride, possibly with the groom's input, is plain lazy. It's also practical perhaps but only when the couple are (possibly) young and have nothing of their own for their home.

The best gifts we got were a cheap set of china (my cousin who knew we'd get a lot of posh gifts), a crystal decanter (from the groomsmen for my husband) and some artsy pottery bowls which we both thought were weird but still use very happily years on. Oh and a wooden duck decoy. Completely mad.

Runnerduck34 · 27/09/2020 14:10

His friends clubbed together and got a gift for him, its clearly not really for you as well and ideally a wedding present should be something both bride and groom will appreciate but its one gift, so let it go.

Echobelly · 27/09/2020 14:10

It's a bit off to present as a gift for you both - if they'd upfront said it was a gift for DH and you'd had an equivalent from your mates, that would be better. Overall I probably agree it'd be best to leave it as DH say - that yes, it's a bit odd, but not worth being upset about.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/09/2020 14:11

It sounds like a lovely gift for your husband from his friends congratulating him on his wedding day.

No big deal really. They sound like good mates.

AllsortsofAwkward · 27/09/2020 14:16

Wedding you don't expect to get gifts they are a bonus i think to even make a thread about it is grabby.

Original poster
SimplyRadishing · 27/09/2020 16:57

Thanks for the replies including the "very mumsnet" ones (shallow crabby bitch anyone?) 😂😂😂

For clarity
1.he selected everything on the giftlist. ( fluffy towels and candles weren't featuring highly) I argued against/didn't want a list at all.

  1. The friends were 2 guys and a woman
  2. I just wanted to see what general consensus was. (Based on the voting its a bit of a mixed bag)

Reading this was useful as it helped me clarify things.
Despite accusations to the contrary i didn't/don't care about gifts at all. Truly if they us gave nothing i wouldnt have cared a bit, and realising that I concluded IABU on that basis alone.
I realised the reason i was hurt it because it felt like after years they still dont consider me a friend despite me hanging out/helping out/going out/hosting them regularly and i consider(ed) them (good) friends on my side.

Upon speaking to DH to say i realise IABU (as clearly the friendship is just more one sided than i realised and they were just doing something nice for him) he has explained he firmly thinks IANBU?!?
He thinks what they did was nice but weird and the way they gave it to him was odd too.
Apparently he is also a bit stressed/annoyed as has never expressed any interest in the instrument and has no idea how to play it (I wrongly assumed he could 🤷‍♀️) and now feels he has to learn it to look appreciative.
We are both agreed they meant well though...

OP posts:
Suzyseis · 27/09/2020 17:06

My in-laws got us a painting commissioned of the family. I wasn’t in it 😂

AuntyPasta · 27/09/2020 19:19

You win the thread Suzyseis

DrManhattan · 27/09/2020 20:08

Omg you sound so ungrateful. Its a gift! You shouldn't expect anything, people are being kind and thoughtful.
Have a word with yourself

Rocinante39 · 28/09/2020 09:38

It would be a mistake for you to fall out with your husband's best friends over this gift.

If your husband wants to fall out with his friends over it he can.

Your husband clearly has your back as he thinks his friends were out of order to buy a gift just for him. It is therefore time to drop this and move on.

user1471481356 · 28/09/2020 10:49

It’s an odd wedding gift, but YABU. Be happy for your husband, you’re being grabby otherwise.

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