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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want to buy me furniture

47 replies

Thatbliddywoman · 26/09/2020 23:52

More a WWYD? Maybe.
I'm single, no children. Late 30s. I'm buying my first house by myself. I've had a shit time recently with work issues and a (very!) Abusive ex. Very lucky to not lose my life..not sure if this is relevant but it may be influencing my parents.

No financial worries for parents. I'm not rich but managing. I am getting my own place soon and they have offered to buy me things I'd not dream of (like a wardobe for £700, I was looking at second hand stuff that was free or cheap).
I want a particular type of bed and have found a second hand one for £150, my mum wants my dad to make me one instead but I just don't want to put anyone out and I also dont want to feel indebted. My Mum says my dad would love to do it for me. I feel I've taken too much from them throughout my life anyway.

My Mum also says they have money and can afford to so why can't they make sure I've got nice things. I now think I'll feel bad if I have them buy me nice furniture, but also bad if I don't.

I also don't really like to buy new when so much decent furniture and other things get sent to landfill.

Any opinions welcome!
Yabu- let them buy you nice stuff
Yanbu-be independent and get what you can afford.

OP posts:
AutumnSuns · 26/09/2020 23:58

You are their daughter who they have seen go through a shit time. Unless there is back story it’s a loving thing to do and you shouldn’t feel indebted. As long as you are picki n your own stuff and not only allowed what they choose then it is a lovely supportive thing for someone out of a shit relationship.

CSIblonde · 27/09/2020 00:01

They want to look after you & spoil you after a realy bad time . Which is rather lovely. Let them buy you a couple of items of your choice. They sound sweet.

WithIcePlease · 27/09/2020 00:19

Abusive Ex possibly affecting your feelings in that you feel you are not worthy of loving gestures? Your parents simply offering at they love you surely?

Original poster
Thatbliddywoman · 27/09/2020 00:45

@WithIcePlease it is possible. I've tried to keep on keeping on so to speak Smile but I guess I'd be a psychopath for it not to have affected me at all.

My Mum bought me some gorgeous pyjamas recently sent to my address too. I just feel bad that I've never been successful enough (largely due to dodgy relationships ) to buy my own nice things!

OP posts:
Addler · 27/09/2020 00:48

They're your parents who are probably so relieved you're safe and out of that situation that nothing would bring them more happiness than being able to be a small part in seeing you set up in your own space and surrounded by things that you deserve.

You've done the hard part, let them do this, and accept it for the show of love and care it is Thanks

5foot5 · 27/09/2020 00:51

Everything Addler said.

They love you and want to help in any way they can.

Lou898 · 27/09/2020 01:10

Let them - my mum used to say she got so much pleasure buying me things and she’d much rather me have her money when she could see I needed it and when she could see me enjoying it than when she was gone. She’s. No longer with me now passed away this year but those things mean so much to me now as I know she helped me buy them . Please let them.

Gigglr · 27/09/2020 01:18

Ask them to pay for therapy instead so there are no more abusive boyfriends. Sod the wardrobe!

Original poster
Thatbliddywoman · 27/09/2020 01:35

@Gigglr Grin
They wouldn't do that, that I know! (My ex is female).

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 27/09/2020 01:44

If they've got money, they're probably aware it's reducing in value in a bank with crap interest rates and other investments are iffy at the moment. So buying stuff for you now may make perfect sense.

MaitlandGirl · 27/09/2020 01:49

Is there a specific item that you e always wanted but couldn’t financially justify? That might sit easier with you for your parents to buy, something you’ve always wanted but don’t really ‘need’.

That way you’re supporting all of your own needs but your parents still get to help in a way that will make them happy.

ShopTattsyrup · 27/09/2020 01:59

I agree with all PPs that they are thrilled that you have come out the other side of what sounds like a very difficult and stressful period of your life and want to treat you, absolutely let them and let them enjoy seeing you happy.

Saying that, I completely see where you're coming from about landfill and waste. Is there a happy medium maybe where they can buy you some really nice second hand pieces that are good quality and made to last etc. But are more of a treat than you would buy yourself for example? Depending on your style obviously, but an antique table or book shelf?

Good luck in this new chapter of your life @Thatbliddywoman ! Sounds like you deserve all the pyjamas to me

notangelinajolie · 27/09/2020 02:01

Let them help you. It's lovely they are still looking out for you

AlCalavicci · 27/09/2020 02:25

I agree with PP , your DPs are trying to set you back up after been in such a rotten place , allow them to help out a little . perhaps you could go to a auction if they are happening near you atm or a good online auction NOT ebay and you can pick out a item or two but make sure you all agree on the price and dont go over it ( dont forget auction fees and delivery costs etc .
This place has a good reputation I know quite a few who have bought from here . and if I needed a dinning tale and chairs I would be tempted with lot 102 .
www.the-saleroom.com/en-gb/search-filter?mastercategorycode=FUR&brand=Thomas%20Chippendale

LOT 102
www.the-saleroom.com/en-gb/auction-catalogues/gorringes/catalogue-id-srgo10217/lot-cb90b036-c690-4487-affa-ac4000fe25f8

marmiteloversunite · 27/09/2020 03:15

They just want to show their love and help you. You are worth it!

Also if they buy you good quality items they could last much longer than cheaper furniture which will probably need replacing sooner.

Frownette · 27/09/2020 03:27

Let your dad make the bed, it would be a labour of love.

Then assess what else you'd need and like, and discuss it with them! They want you to build your own little nest.

jessstan2 · 27/09/2020 03:36

Your parents want to treat you and, as a parent of a nearly 41 year old recently single person, I know I love to. So let them and be glad. You deserve a bit of pampering.

I hope you are happy in your new home and life turns out beautifully for you (& if you are anywhere near se London or surroundings I know a nice 40 year old, chldless, kind, clever and hard working chap......;) ).

Congraulations on your new home FlowersWine.

Pixxie7 · 27/09/2020 03:38

Parents love buying things for their children doesn’t matter how old they are.

Frownette · 27/09/2020 03:44

@jessstan2 her ex was female!

jessstan2 · 27/09/2020 06:05

[quote Frownette]@jessstan2 her ex was female![/quote]
D'oh!

Good luck for the future, op!

eaglejulesk · 27/09/2020 06:46

You are fortunate to have loving caring parents. I would let them buy you a few things, and let your Dad make the bed, I'm sure it would mean the world to them. All the best in your new home. Flowers

billybagpuss · 27/09/2020 06:57

[quote Thatbliddywoman]@WithIcePlease it is possible. I've tried to keep on keeping on so to speak Smile but I guess I'd be a psychopath for it not to have affected me at all.

My Mum bought me some gorgeous pyjamas recently sent to my address too. I just feel bad that I've never been successful enough (largely due to dodgy relationships ) to buy my own nice things![/quote]
But you are getting yourself nice things, you’re buying your own house that’s huge and takes a massive commitment just to get to that point, this is the start of you building your life back up.

Would you like the bed your dad makes, is he good?, if so definitely go for it, as they get older you will really appreciate that he did it for you.

As for the wardrobe, maybe get them on board with the recycling options.

movingonup20 · 27/09/2020 07:22

Parents like to help their kids and your dad making you a bed frame sounds a lovely gesture. If they can afford it then accept it's their way of celebrating you getting your own place and independence

LunaLula83 · 27/09/2020 08:06

Stop being wet and be grateful instead of rude to your parents

Thingsdogetbetter · 27/09/2020 08:21

My mum (lives in different country) takes me clothes shopping when she visits me. I hate it, makes me feel like a child or that they think I'm incapable of buying a decent winter coat. It caused rows throughout my 20s as I saw it as a judgement on my adulting abilities. Until my big sister said it was her way of feeling motherly, connected to me and was simply an expression of love. It made her happy to be able to do it as it made her feel needed, and me rejecting 'stuff' was, to her, rejecting her love.

Now, at 52 ffs, I stand at the cashier at primark's trying not to look embarrassed as I hand over a pill of clothes as my elderly mother hands over her card and tries to remember her pin number. I'm sure the cashiers think I'm financially abusing a vulnerable old lady. Grin

When I got divorced in my late 30s, my mum shopped for me (I got kitchen appliances that I didn't even know existed. 😁), my dad come over and did DIY - all I could have easily sorted myself. Sometimes treating you like a 'child' is just being supportive and loving. There is no judgement of your capabilities. Just love expressed and parental protection of their child. (Even if it's not to your taste Grin)