Oh go oh god oh god

[Shhhhhhhhhhhh123]

We rent a house from my parents and moved in just after lockdown. Haven’t had anyone over before.

Walls made of bloody cardboard and a chimney system like a rabbit warren for sound

Quite heated debates over rubbish (brexit) until 3am which I’m now thinking everyone would have heard

Woken up feeling like I can’t show my face. It was all obnoxious rubbish. Neighbours are friends with my folks. Do I apologise?

@madcatladyforever
I am an over apologiser
Part of me thinks we should be able to sit in our house and live our lives (not as though we were having this debate outside for instance) the other part worries

I don't think most neighbours would find an apology intrusive at all.
Surelyj it's usual in circumstances such as these to bang on the door with some flowers or a bottle of wine and say "I'm sorry if we kept you awake last night, the debate got out of hand, it won't happen again" type thing. Especially as it's your parents house, it's good to foster good relations etc.

You shouldn’t be ashamed of how you are. If you behaved badly you should apologise. Not say you hope they didn’t mind.

If you are sorry then change how you behave. Learn to respect that people have different views and that nobody’s opinion is changed by a heated argument.

madcatladyforever are you a member of the royal family??

Good neighbours want privacy, not gifts and apologies. They also understand that most people are very occasionally loud at 3am. So long as it is very occasionally then all is good.

Bad neighbours will never let you and the rest of the neighbourhood forget that you behaved so badly, which you didn't but that will be their spin on it, that you had to bring flowers and gifts round to aplogize.

Do not take Lemon TT's harsh criticism to heart. It is wildly misplaced.

Get one of your friends to come round dresses up as a priest, and tell the neighbours that you’re having the house exorcised as there were some mad and noisy poltergeists in the house. It was awful, they were screeching about what sounded like Brexit for hours. Find a lovely gift bottle and fill it full of “holy water” and pass it to them in case the priest drives out the poltergeist to their house.

If your in the midlands my fb friends status this morning read ‘3am neighbours having an argument, I want to sleep but won’t as I don’t want to miss anything 😂

Oh please don't say anything or bring a bloody peace offering! It will be awkward for them if they heard and even more so if they didn't.

You weren't having a rave at 3 am. As others have said you're having beer fear. :o

Relax.

There have been so many threads on here about noisy neighbours and how difficult it is to confront them. So don't assume they slept though. By being up front and apologising you will build up a lot of goodwill. It is also the decent thing to do.

Of course apologise!

Either they will look bemused and you know you can relax at night if you keep the noise down
or they will be grateful that it was a one off and that you are considerate.

Nothing worst than neighbours who push the noise as much as possible to see how far they can go. Neighbours noise is hell, just see how many thread of people bringing to tears because of it, and 3am is not a reasonable time even for the most obtuse MNtter.

I have never done this. Yes apologise.

One loud debate does not make someone a neighbor from hell. Not even close.

OP is clearly mortified and unlikely to repeat last night.

@Rocinante39

Good neighbours want privacy, not gifts and apologies. They also understand that most people are very occasionally loud at 3am. So long as it is very occasionally then all is good.

Bad neighbours will never let you and the rest of the neighbourhood forget that you behaved so badly, which you didn't but that will be their spin on it, that you had to bring flowers and gifts round to aplogize.

Do not take Lemon TT's harsh criticism to heart. It is wildly misplaced.

Rocinante you say good neighbours want privacy, not gifts or apologies. But I don't think the two are incompatible. When we lived in a block of flats, the man that lived below us had a huge bust up with his girlfriend which marked the end of their relationship - the very loud argument went on until about 4am - and the next morning he appeared with some chocolates and profuse apologies. We went from being thoroughly annoyed to being touched by his gift and the fact that he had taken that trouble to briefly explain and apologise. We told him not to worry and our relationship returned to saying good morning in the lift occasionally.

We still respected one another's privacy from that point on and I know from experience it's good (and sometimes life-saving ) in the case of theft/fire/emergency illness to have basic cordial non-intrusive relations with your neighbours.

Why should a peace offering be a source of embarrassment for the recipient?

I don’t most people have bad will towards the occasional neighbour who is loud.

I’ve lost sleep over an occasional party at 2am but Hanley held it against them.

....... still arguing over Brexit : that's commitment.

Dont apologise.. its life.. i wouldnt give flying fuck if you were my neighbour.. id take no notice whatsoever.. live and let live.. im sure they will know its one off, dont stresw the small stuff

@Spreadingcomfrey

Why should a peace offering be a source of embarrassment for the recipient?

Seriously?

Imagine if they slept right through the whole thing and OP shows up to their door with a fruit basket.

"Oh err, thanks! I do hope you won the argument in the end. Do you think it's going to rain later?"

@Shhhhhhhhhhhh123

I need to speak to then about an issue with our fence so might add ‘hope we didn’t keep you awake’ to the conversation

Just apologise.

Don’t make them have to tell you you disturbed them - or worse, lie to say you didn’t - that’s manipulative, and worse than not saying anything at all.

Give unsolicited wine.

NEVER apologise.(over something like this)

Top tip.

@VickySunshine

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou

Seriously?
Imagine if they slept right through the whole thing and OP shows up to their door with a fruit basket.

But there's only one way to find out if you did disturb them or not isn't there? You can't do it by crystal ball.

Even if it hadn't disturbed me - I would judge the intentions of a neighbour turning up with flowers in case they had - to be really good - I wouldn't be remotely embarrassed by the gesture, as I would consider it to be really kind.

In the case of my neighbour, we were quite annoyed because we were all tired, my sister had flown out to see us that night (we live abroad) and she'd had a long journey, and we had a packed schedule the next day. The noise was impossible to sleep through.

Surely it's better to err on the side of caution and assume you did disturb them, rather than the opposite? If you didn't, nothing is lost. And if you did, you've had the opportunity to apologise and assure them it won't happen again.

It’s normal. We live in a semi and hear neighbours having a massive row every few months (and vice versa!). Unless it’s a regular thing, most normal people just chalk it up to people being people.

They'll probably need an afternoon nap today....until you start banging on the door with your peace offering

It doesn't sound like my kind of party. Loud obnoxious debates over brexit?

Look your friends are likely to come over again so it'd be a good idea to ensure it doesn't keep happening. Something to entertain them? A Connect4 tournament?

And ask the especially "ranty" friend to stop bellowing at everyone.

for your hangover.