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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When did you tell your children Santa doesn’t exist?

103 replies

Honeybeexo · 25/09/2020 17:42

I’m not a parent (25 no kids), but I’m thinking back to when my mum told me and my sister (we were 9 and 11, just as I started high school) that Santa didn’t exist. She said she told us because she didn’t want me teased in secondary school for believing in him. Me and my sister were a little suspicious but still totally shocked when she told us, it was horrible, haha!

Just wondering how others have told their kids, and whether it made them unhappy or they weren’t bothered?

OP posts:

TheClitterati · 26/09/2020 09:10

Mine are 12 & 9 and I'm not going to tell them. They work it out for themselves and then choose to believe. That's ok.

9 yo had it sussed since she was 7 at least.

MajesticWhine · 26/09/2020 09:13

I told DD3 recently - she is 10. I thought it was time she knew - was a bit worried she hadn't worked it out and thought she would get teased at school for still believing, so when she asked a question about it I told her the truth. She was quite gutted, so not sure if I did the right thing.

capercaillie · 26/09/2020 09:17

DD was working it out around the age of 6. At some point in the last few years (she’s 11), she googled to confirm her suspicions.

Bouledeneige · 26/09/2020 09:17

I never told mine. They worked it out for themselves. They are 20 and 18 and I'm still pretending. I ask them why I wouldn't take credit for the presents they get from him. And if they don't believe he obviously won't be delivering anymore because it would be a lot of bother for an ordinary person to get lots of little presents. Its all part of the fun.

Bluetit101 · 26/09/2020 09:22

I didn't tell my 16 & 13 year olds, I let them work it out for themselves. I remember when my mum told me I was heartbroken and Christmas was never the same after so I dragged it out as long as I could

IdblowJonSnow · 26/09/2020 09:35

My oldest got suspicious at 7 or 8
My youngest who will be 7 this xmas still believes thankfully. Neither of them will EVER hear it from me!
Father Christmas may be the only thing we can all believe in this year!

1dayatatime · 26/09/2020 09:40

I'm 50 now and still "believe" in Santa or Father Christmas for my generation. My logic is that I happily go to church three or four times a year to listen to a vicar talk about his invisible friend who sits on a cloud and who loves us, watches over us and is there for us. Why because I think that church is an enormous power of good bringing communities together in divided times, providing happiness and hope in depressing times, provides a basic moral framework of what is good such as being kind to those around you plus you get a good sing song at the end.

Similarly Santa / Father Christmas is about being kind to your immediate family, making preparations for Christmas as a family, rewarding good behaviour with gifts, also with good songs and puts the spirit into Christmas. If all this means accepting he flies around ion a sleigh pulled by magical reindeers then I'm cool with that trade off. Plus it's only once a year and I don't think there has been wars or killings from people believing in different versions of Santa.

But in summary Christmas would be a depressing exercise in retail spending and pretty pointless if you don't believe rather than a magical time of year bringing happiness if you do believe in Santa /

MolyHolyGuacamole · 26/09/2020 09:43

@Kanaloa

I never believed in Santa so never got told he didn’t exist. We read stories that had Santa in but my parents always made it plain that he was just a story. I’ve done much the same with my kids - although we do tell them that if anyone else believes it’s not right to tell them Santa doesn’t exist.

I feel the same way, but about Jesus

FallonsTeaRoom · 26/09/2020 09:44

DD asked me at 9 if Santa existed. I replied that the spirit of Santa is in all of us and whether she believed or not, it doesn't change anything. Will you be hanging your stocking up?

Yes.

countrygirl99 · 26/09/2020 09:56

I'm 61 and my mum still hasn't told me! But I'd figured it out by the time I was 7. By the time I was 8 I had worked out that next doors presents were in my mums wardrobe and next door had ours. No way were we admitting to knowing he wasn't real, the presents might have stopped.

Witchend · 26/09/2020 10:03

Never told them.
Just when they started making hints to younger siblings told them that if it was said out loud in the presence of younger sibling then FC wouldn't come to them.

I think they all guessed between the age of 8 and 10.

Pearsapiece · 26/09/2020 10:06

I'm 25 and a small part of me still wonders if Santa's a little bit real... And I buy the gifts for my dc!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/09/2020 10:10

Aß long as people at buy toys for the charity collections, volunteer to dress up for community parties, run events, buy extra for food banks, I will continue to believe in Santa as the collective act of kindness and goodwill he has come to represent.

namechanged8578318 · 26/09/2020 10:18

Never my older two, don't know when they figured it out but they still pretend to believe for youngest siblings sake, and mine

pinkrose78 · 26/09/2020 10:23

I've never told them.
I have 3 and the oldest keeps it going for the one below.
Helps keep it all magical.

Kanaloa · 26/09/2020 10:24

@MolyHolyGuacamole Actually we’re just the same about Jesus. Don’t know if we believe in anything in my house

MrsKJones · 26/09/2020 10:29

My DS hedged his bets last year - he told his nanny his suspicions that Santa wasn't real but didn't tell me. We do a variation of elf on the shelf and I am going to write him a letter from Santa to ask if he would be willing to help out again this year - I'll gauge from his reaction whether to dial things back this year or not.
DS knows that anything under the tree is from family. We have stocking that come from Santa (small presents, all £3-5 each and opened first thing Christmas morning). I do DH's and he does mine (we have a contest to see who can get the most in the stocking - DH normally wins but i suspect he cheats and blows his budget lol)
My DM never told me Santa wasn't real - I just found my presents in a bag one year. I wasn't hugely disappointed just a bit 'oh.....ok'. I do still get caught up in the magic though, we make it all about family and spending time together though, especially as now DH gets time off over Xmas so we really make the most of the few days as a family

june2007 · 26/09/2020 10:29

You don,t need to tell them they figure it out.

1dayatatime · 26/09/2020 10:30

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

What a wonderful outlook on society you have and I totally agree with you.

deflationexasperation · 26/09/2020 10:32

I was never sat down and told and I won't be sitting anyone down either...

Emeraldshamrock · 26/09/2020 10:33

I told DD at 10. She was very naive and really shocked she had been defending Santa in school.

Porcupineinwaiting · 26/09/2020 10:35

@june2007 quite often they ask you.

daisychain1620 · 26/09/2020 10:37

Mine are 13 and 16 but a few years back in primary school I would have said things like 'you need to decide what you'd like for Christmas so we have time to order it'. We'd still talk about Santa and they know there's no Santa but I didn't ever tell them

Mittens030869 · 26/09/2020 10:42

I never told my DDs he wasn’t real. But my DD2 worked it out for herself, and asked me straight out whether or not he was real, and I answered her question honestly. She was seven then. Curiously, DD1 at 10 still believed in him and unfortunately had DD2 burst her bubble. She marched straight to her and told her. But she did need to move on from Santa anyway, seeing as she’s now started at high school.

We kept the game going for a long enough time anyway.

BiBabbles · 26/09/2020 11:00

My parents never told us, but were really inconsistent and not exactly sneaky about it so I don't remember ever really believing. My brother got in so much trouble when caught looking the closet once, and while my mother ranted, she said that if we said we didn't believe we wouldn't get anything even though we only got one present from Santa. It kinda just faded out when we got older/my mother got tired of Christmas spectacle which was great for me.

As we don't celebrate Christmas, I told mine when they started to ask about the Santas they saw. My oldest found it very annoying there were 'all these pictures of people in Christmas costumes' in the shops. I told them it's part of a popular Christmas story so lots of people like to act like he's real, particularly with little kids. It's fun and has meaning for them, and we don't ruin their fun just like we wouldn't like them to ruin ours.

With tooth fairies/pixies, they got a point where they started to say things like 'but what would parents do with our teeth?' and we just talked about it. I found with mine that we didn't need to tell, in fact my spouse tried with our oldest when he was nearly a teen after one of those conversations and he was like 'yeah, I know' and we kept doing the ritual of putting a lost tooth in a tooth pixie (or note if said tooth had gotten lost) that we put in the window and then see how many days it takes my or my spouse to remember to do the switch. Our tooth fairy is a very busy person so it can take some time

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