It has massively been out of my control. To an extent I can't control things. I just feel really guilty. My five year old came up to me last night with her little purse and said, you never take me to the shop anymore for a treat. She's right. I haven't. She's had treats delivered to the house with the Asda shop. I get milk and more deliveries too. So for the first couple of months of lockdown we just did our walks. This was because taking kids to the supermarket was frowned upon and I've actually always done my main shop online. But we used to nip in for bits and bobs or id walk down for something to do.
I went through a stage of feeling ready to go back out. Then masks came in. I got abit anxious about controlling the kids on days out. Not becaue they are naughty but they are sociable creatures and my toddlers not at an age to understand. We tried a zoo day out. It felt awkward. I felt anxious anyway. But I noticed people panicking when my kids went near them. It felt like you could not look at things easily and you had to queue for enclosures which my toddler has no patience for. So I decided we will do more next year if things are more settled.
We had to cancel our holiday. So the kids haven't had a week at the coast.
Then I had to cancel my daughter's swimming lessons because they decided they can't go in the pool with the level one kids. Which is no good for my daughter who is a slower learner and needs the extra support in the water. I knew she'd not benefit from it so I cancelled. Which upsets me because we spent £56 a month on her lessons and now it feels it was for nothing.
We've been for loads of walks. We've been to the park. She's back at school now too. But that's it. My two year old is so lonely and clingy. But he's got nobody to play with. I feel like he's missed out massively without having opportunities to play at the park with other kids, go to playgroup and mixed with family. So that's also making me feel bad. They've not seen hardly anyone apart from us.
I know it's going to sound pathetic but tomorrow I'm going to take my five year old to the shop to get a magazine and some chocolate for a treat.
I do want to start taking them to garden centers and stuff as they used to love looking at the fish and things. But I just never seem to feel confident.
I really don't want this to affect my kids negatively. I feel they have spent a huge amount of time cut off from life. We've forgotten how to live.
I'm not wanting to eat out. The whole masks on in restaurants has killed that for me. So we won't be doing those things for a while.
Do I sound like a bad mum?
What have you been doing with your children?