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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel I've let my kids down

34 replies

Felixdhdhe · 25/09/2020 11:14

It has massively been out of my control. To an extent I can't control things. I just feel really guilty. My five year old came up to me last night with her little purse and said, you never take me to the shop anymore for a treat. She's right. I haven't. She's had treats delivered to the house with the Asda shop. I get milk and more deliveries too. So for the first couple of months of lockdown we just did our walks. This was because taking kids to the supermarket was frowned upon and I've actually always done my main shop online. But we used to nip in for bits and bobs or id walk down for something to do.

I went through a stage of feeling ready to go back out. Then masks came in. I got abit anxious about controlling the kids on days out. Not becaue they are naughty but they are sociable creatures and my toddlers not at an age to understand. We tried a zoo day out. It felt awkward. I felt anxious anyway. But I noticed people panicking when my kids went near them. It felt like you could not look at things easily and you had to queue for enclosures which my toddler has no patience for. So I decided we will do more next year if things are more settled.

We had to cancel our holiday. So the kids haven't had a week at the coast.
Then I had to cancel my daughter's swimming lessons because they decided they can't go in the pool with the level one kids. Which is no good for my daughter who is a slower learner and needs the extra support in the water. I knew she'd not benefit from it so I cancelled. Which upsets me because we spent £56 a month on her lessons and now it feels it was for nothing.

We've been for loads of walks. We've been to the park. She's back at school now too. But that's it. My two year old is so lonely and clingy. But he's got nobody to play with. I feel like he's missed out massively without having opportunities to play at the park with other kids, go to playgroup and mixed with family. So that's also making me feel bad. They've not seen hardly anyone apart from us.

I know it's going to sound pathetic but tomorrow I'm going to take my five year old to the shop to get a magazine and some chocolate for a treat.

I do want to start taking them to garden centers and stuff as they used to love looking at the fish and things. But I just never seem to feel confident.

I really don't want this to affect my kids negatively. I feel they have spent a huge amount of time cut off from life. We've forgotten how to live.

I'm not wanting to eat out. The whole masks on in restaurants has killed that for me. So we won't be doing those things for a while.

Do I sound like a bad mum?

What have you been doing with your children?

OP posts:
Pizzatoast · 25/09/2020 15:25

You’re being so hard on yourself.

You sound like a mum that loves and cares for her children so much that you’re conscious of the way they may be feeling.

You sound like you’ve noticed a change in their behaviour during this pandemic and noticed the comments they’re making. You’re reflecting on what they’re saying and how they’re behaving.

If you think that’s being a bad mum then you clearly don’t understand the definition of a ‘bad mum’.

You sound like diamond. And I’m sure if they could express it in words your children would say the same.

showmethegin · 25/09/2020 15:29

@Pizzatoast What a lovely post. OP listen to that post, she is totally right. You sound like a wonderful mum

SeasideArms · 25/09/2020 15:47

I'm going to jump on your swimming situation - check out other swim schools, as some are letting parents in the water as the teacher is now on the side. Most will still provide equipment, although woggles are not too expensive to buy your own, and the lessons are structured so that the children progress with support from parent. Decent swim schools are working very hard to provide good value lessons.

BogRollBOGOF · 25/09/2020 16:04

Back around May I cracked and took DS2 to the supermarket for a bit of excitement and he got quite a few bits and pieces just for the sheer excitement of cheering him up. DS1 hasn't been (not bothered). We did a few shops around June/ July, but because I struggle with masks I have reduced indoor things to the minimum since.

We have got out to places like the zoo and a local farm. My DCs need to get out a lot and by the time those options were avaliable we were all pretty desperate.

It's easy to get stuck in a rut, especially when everything seems different, difficult or complicated which was one reason why I tried to keep pushing on with what was avaliable. FB pages have been good for finding out what the conditions are.

Try finding new playgrounds with a little shop nearby for a cheap treat. Novelty matters more than cost!

Royalbloo · 25/09/2020 16:10

During lockdown we went for a walk and sat on a bench and made up a game called, 'Guess the colour of the next car"' my DD loved it and we still play

MJMG2015 · 25/09/2020 17:20

You're a lovely Mum. No one asked fir this pandemic & most people are just doing their best.

Your DD asked you about something she's missing & you're going to go out of your comfort zone to take her out to buy a treat.

I have a 'corner shop' near me, but it's always packed & badly laid out, so I don't use it, I walk further & use the petrol station which is far better laid out & less busy inside.

As others have said, farm parks rather than zoos and nearby things like feeding ducks and collecting acorns etc.

Talk to DD about what else she would like to do & adapt where you can.

Playgrounds are really low risk if you sanitise their hands when they've finished playing. Just wear your mask & give others a wide berth.

It does get easier to do small things. But no need to do everything others are doing! I'm
Not eating out either - many are and it doesn't seem to be hugely causing transmission, I just don't want to take the risk 🤷🏻‍♀️

CheshireChat · 25/09/2020 17:44

Are there no other cheaper options for swimming as well? We pay £5/ 30 minutes so yours feels really steep.

MatildaTheCat · 25/09/2020 18:26

Would you consider taking your child swimming anyway? If she’s had some lessons then go along and have some fun to keep her familiar with the water. If you are feeling keen look up some of the games and exercises they do in lessons to gain confidence and start swimming.

Our pool is currently quite quiet. As an additional treat you can buy her a snack or hot chocolate afterwards.

Shouldnthavebeenthisway · 30/09/2023 08:54

Hi my daughter 25 I have let her down so bad. When she was younger she got herself a job and wanted to live in the city. We promised her if she found a job we would help get her a house to rent so she can live on her own and be I dependant ,she was 21 at the time. When she was 16yrs her father and I divorced which had a impact.on her life. She got the job but her father and I didn't keep our promise as other things got in the way,now she still lives at home with me while her father moved far away started a new life and doesn't even make any amends with her. She suffers from ¹anxiety etc,no friends ,no life basically. Now me as her mum I feel so ashamed of my self because I didn't help her when I said I would,and now she just lives sad,lonely and depressed and says her life is over she wants kids,a partner,house,etc...and now I can't help her to be independent...she has no family as we.had.to cut them off because they were never there when we were homeless years ago..if anything happens to me my daughter has nothing,no one...I'm trying to make things better but it's hard because I look after a family member with a disability and no one at all to turn to ...I need my daughter to have her life,and be happy but I have no means of support from anyone but its not about me .....its my daughter...I have failed her miserably

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