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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to lie about my age?

31 replies

elcoucho · 24/09/2020 09:41

I’ve been working as a nanny-governess for 14 years, currently abroad but want to return to the UK. I’m applying for jobs but I’m the victim of age discrimination! It’s not my imagination; the application goes well until they find out how old I am, suddenly interviews are cancelled, calls are not returned, I even had one PA put down the phone in mid-conversation after asking my age. I have removed dates of qualifications from my CV to disguise my age, but nanny recruitment agencies insist on me putting them back. They often include phrases like ‘ideally 25-35' or ‘must be young and dynamic’ in job adverts, but I have been told that discrimination is allowed because I would be working in a private household. Ten years ago, agencies were headhunting me for jobs, now that I have more experience, they are not putting me forward for vacant positions. No-one gets to choose the age of their children’s nursery workers or primary school teachers because age is not relevant to the job, but parents seem to think this is more important than qualifications, experience, fantastic references and a warm personality. Physically, I am fit and healthy, active and take regular exercise, I am not overweight, and a non-smoker. My job can be physically demanding: giving piggy-backs, practising football in the park, crawling around on the floor, etc but I know that I could do it in any new role, because I am already doing it! There is no guarantee that younger candidates will not get sick or have an accident, because this has nothing to do with age. I am mentally still ‘on the ball’, enthusiastic and proactive, always open to learning new ideas and developing myself professionally. This is my career and I had hoped to do this until I reach state retirement age. I can pass for a younger person and people are often surprised to find out my real age. Should I lie about my age until after the interview or refuse to answer the question and risk sounding like an awkward old lady?

OP posts:
GhostCurry · 24/09/2020 09:48

How old are you and what age can you pass for?

Can you update any qualifications and let the older, identifying ones drop off your CV?

If it were me, I would do whatever I could to remind employable (within reason, and I think your suggestion is reasonable). YANBU Smile

nicelyneurotic · 24/09/2020 13:43

I'm shocked by this. I would happily consider an older nanny. Like you say, there are advantages like being more experienced.

Yes, knock a few years off and see what happens. Once you've got the job you can explain it was a typo/mix up.

AriettyHomily · 24/09/2020 13:46

Reading between the lines I'm guessing younger nannies are cheaper as less experience.

It is blatant discrimination, in any other sector you can't have your DOB on CV, although you can work back if they did O levels.

I wouldn't lie, id be the awkward old lady and say it's not relevant.

workhomesleeprepeat · 24/09/2020 13:47

How old are you? If you are over 65 I can see why they have reservations even if you are fit and active - people have a lot of ageist presumptions of how people “are” at a certain age.

I would say lie but what if they ask for proof down the line? Would be a bit sticky. I would like an older nanny as well tbh, maybe you’re better off seeing if you can find clients through your own network of past employers

Scweltish · 24/09/2020 13:52

I was actually thinking you were going to be very young when I clicked on the thread op, I find it hard to believe you’re being discriminated against because you’re too old. I’d much rather an older nanny. I think you need to tell us your actual age if you want us to be honest about what we think

Emmnooo · 24/09/2020 13:53

I’m also shocked by this , i way prefer anyone who’s minded put children to be a bit older. Not to generalize but in our case and friends of ours with au pairs being v young it often doesn’t work out as they don’t realize the work involved with children , can be a little unreliable and chop and chain times etc. Usually older people are more reliable, need the money more, drive etc ( again a bit too general but find younger plp don’t have to worry about mortgages , pensions etc) .
How old are you , tbh loads of my friends are mid 30’s but could easily pass for mid 20’s etc. I honestly don’t think taking a few years off your age is an issue if it means you can get more work.

Emmnooo · 24/09/2020 13:54

Apologies for typos , rushing ..

pigsDOfly · 24/09/2020 13:54

Why not?

Bloody ridiculous that all your experience is seen as irrelevant and being a certain age is more important.

It could be that they think an older nanny won't be able to keep up with the demands of lively children, or maybe they don't want someone so experienced because they might feel intimidated by you.

Whatever, I think you'd be perfectly justified in lying about your age to help you get a position.

There's a good reason why age discrimination is supposed to be against the law in the work place.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 24/09/2020 13:58

Doesn't everybody have to provide their passport/ID so that employers and Recruiters have proof of residency? Won't this have D.O.B. on it?

Proudboomer · 24/09/2020 13:59

All depends as I can see why someone might not want an older nanny if you are near retirement age as they might want someone who will be with them as long as you have been in your past post.
If you are 40 or early 40’s then I can’t see why you would be a less desirable candidate.

Kanaloa · 24/09/2020 14:13

I think lying ‘until after the interview’ is a really bad idea. If they want someone 25-35, tricking them into interviewing someone older isn’t setting you up for a good working relationship. Their first impression of you will be as someone who tells lies. Refusing to answer is a better idea, although I think a lot of employers would presume you were older than they wanted and you were leaving it out because of this.

I think if you keep looking you will find a family willing to hire an older nanny. When I nannied, many families advertised for ‘experienced’ nannies, usually looking for someone a bit older with lots of relevant experience, especially if they had a small baby as they wanted someone very reliable. Good luck and I hope you find something soon.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 24/09/2020 14:15

Doesn't everybody have to provide their passport/ID so that employers and Recruiters have proof of residency? Won't this have D.O.B. on it?

Exactly. It’s absolutely discrimination and I would refuse to give my age - but if you lie, then can legitimately sack you when they find out. Don’t take the risk.

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2020 14:17

How old are you op please?

StitchInTimeSavesNine · 24/09/2020 14:31

Ohhhh, this happened to my Aunt. She has been a nanny since she was 21 and she lives in LA. She says people thought she wouldn't be able to keep up with toddlers and dc and she stopped getting work.

She rebranded herself as a baby nanny. She works with a family until,the baby is one. She starts interviewing parents before the baby is born.

daisyjgrey · 24/09/2020 14:33

Unless you're 60+ then they're being unreasonable. I would go for experience over the fact that they don't need retinols yet.

movingonup20 · 24/09/2020 14:51

In the U.K. you have to show your passport or birth certificate to prove your entitlement to work, lying won't work but if you can prove discrimination then you can sue, it's illegal even with household staff. Unless you are 60+ it seems unlikely that most people would care, unless it's men trying to recruit a person to have a fling with!

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2020 14:52

I suspect the op might be in her sixties.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 24/09/2020 14:54

I don’t think you should lie as this is never a good idea.

But I do think it’s discrimination and really shouldn’t be allowed.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 24/09/2020 14:55

She says “10 years ago I was being headhunted” implying she was in the desired age group 10 years ago.

So I think 40 ish

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2020 15:00

I don’t think anyone would discriminate against someone fortyish when the Age range is 35.

Not sure the op is going to tell us, but seldom would someone fortyish talk about still being physically able to do things or still mentally on the ball.

Not sure she’s going to tell us.

AcrobaticCardigan · 24/09/2020 15:18

I’d much rather someone older & experiences as a nanny to my children to be honest! Be truthful & find the right family for you.

TheBeatGoesOn · 24/09/2020 15:26

I wouldn't go for a nanny over 60 but then I wouldn't go for one under 25 either.
Interested also to hear how old you are.

Crystal87 · 24/09/2020 16:25

I think it's up to the individual. I've worked in a childcare setting in the past and there were a few older staff members, the oldest was 63 and she used to sit around and observe a lot, rather than being proactive. Her age was probably a factor as she said herself she found it hard and would tire easily. But then you would get the really young ones who didn't have much experience so they weren't great either.

Yoloyohol · 24/09/2020 16:43

YANBU, but afraid it's not likely to work out well if you do it.
Afraid age and disability discrimination are rife in most careers for women, regardless of energy levels, experience and abilities.
When it comes to Nanny/Governess I suspect many parents are scared of having someone older than them providing for their children.

Scweltish · 24/09/2020 16:43

@TheDuchessofMalfy

She says “10 years ago I was being headhunted” implying she was in the desired age group 10 years ago.

So I think 40 ish

I must be way off then. I was thinking 60, even possibly 70 if people are literally hanging up on her because of her age.