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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to lie about my age?

31 replies

elcoucho · 24/09/2020 09:41

I’ve been working as a nanny-governess for 14 years, currently abroad but want to return to the UK. I’m applying for jobs but I’m the victim of age discrimination! It’s not my imagination; the application goes well until they find out how old I am, suddenly interviews are cancelled, calls are not returned, I even had one PA put down the phone in mid-conversation after asking my age. I have removed dates of qualifications from my CV to disguise my age, but nanny recruitment agencies insist on me putting them back. They often include phrases like ‘ideally 25-35' or ‘must be young and dynamic’ in job adverts, but I have been told that discrimination is allowed because I would be working in a private household. Ten years ago, agencies were headhunting me for jobs, now that I have more experience, they are not putting me forward for vacant positions. No-one gets to choose the age of their children’s nursery workers or primary school teachers because age is not relevant to the job, but parents seem to think this is more important than qualifications, experience, fantastic references and a warm personality. Physically, I am fit and healthy, active and take regular exercise, I am not overweight, and a non-smoker. My job can be physically demanding: giving piggy-backs, practising football in the park, crawling around on the floor, etc but I know that I could do it in any new role, because I am already doing it! There is no guarantee that younger candidates will not get sick or have an accident, because this has nothing to do with age. I am mentally still ‘on the ball’, enthusiastic and proactive, always open to learning new ideas and developing myself professionally. This is my career and I had hoped to do this until I reach state retirement age. I can pass for a younger person and people are often surprised to find out my real age. Should I lie about my age until after the interview or refuse to answer the question and risk sounding like an awkward old lady?

OP posts:
JumperTime · 24/09/2020 16:50

I think it's to do with people wanting young staff so they can pay lower wages. Very short sighted though as older women are less likely to go off on maternity or need time off for their own young children, plus of course all that life experience. Doubt you could prove it was discrimination though.

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2020 16:54

The op is below retirement age. So I think below sixty five.

Fatted · 24/09/2020 16:57

They just want cheap people who won't go to the authorities about the lechy husband.

Theatrically · 24/09/2020 17:01

In the AMA thread with the high end nanny she explained that a lot of families don't want an 'older' nanny and older in this industry can be anything over 35 as the OP has said. She also said there's a lot of racial discrimination in the nanny industry too, so if you're a white female in her 20s you'll be in the most demand. It seems like this industry is very discriminatory but maybe there's a niche market for those who would prefer an 'older' nanny?

Porcupineinwaiting · 24/09/2020 17:01

I'd not be too pleased (understatement) if I found out the person who I was employing to look after my kids had been lying to me. Not that I'd care about your age necessarily but I'd wonder what else you'd be lying to me about.

elcoucho · 24/09/2020 20:54

I am 53. Might pass for 45. I have been involved in the 'high end' work, for VIP families, etc. The age discrimination I face is not to do with wanting to employ someone more cheaply as the salary range is usually fixed by the employer in the advert and the kind of family I have previously worked for wouldn't be that bothered about paying the top end of the salary scale.
I wouldn't actually go as far as telling a bare-faced lie or falsifying documents and I agree that honesty is important in the parent-carer relationship, I am just so frustrated. I need a funny/witty evasive remark that I can say every time I'm asked my age which doesn't seem rude or barbed but makes the point that it's not relevant. I don't really want to move into maternity nanny work which is apparently more acceptable for older women, my passion is looking after primary age children.
It's so depressing hearing about other people's experiences of discrimination, what can we realistically do about it?

OP posts:
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