Should DH look after DC during time off?

[PonfusedCarent]

I have a feeling I am being unreasonable but here goes...

DH works in education and has all school holidays off, his school recently made the decision for 2 weeks off in October for half term.

We have a DC in childcare and usually they'd be at home together. He's now said we have to pay for the second week off so he can have a break on his own. Not to do anything in particular, he'll just be at home lounging about on the sofa all day.

We're saving for a house and I see this as money that will be wasted in these circumstances.

[ComicePear]

I agree with the posters saying that this is fine as long as you get some time off for yourself too (and that this should surely be easier to arrange than for most working parents, as your DH is around in the school holidays).

[upsidedownwavylegs]

He’s bringing an awful lot to the table childcare-wise compared to most spouses, just by being a teacher. That said if it was me I’d probably want to take them out of nursery for one or two of those five days, or pick them up earlier than normal a couple of times or whatever.

[vanillandhoney]

I’d love a week lounging around and pleasing myself but it’s not an option and neither is it for him because we have children

What a miserable outlook.

[KatharinaRosalie]

@thedancingbear

So woman looking after a child = full time job

Man looking after a child = holiday activity

Thanks for clarifying everyone.

I'm a mother and still call that time I'm not working and am spending time with my children a 'holiday' or 'day off'.

[Keratinsmooth]

My nursery would still charge even if you took them out for a week, would yours?

[ineedaholidaynow]

How are you school having an extra long holiday, have they tacked that missing week onto somewhere else, so will you have issues with childcare then?

[Devlesko]

Aw, a good dad would want to be with his children
How selfish.

[RedskyAtnight]

@Devlesko

Aw, a good dad would want to be with his children
How selfish.

Would you say the same of a mother who wanted time away from her children?

[YouBringLightInToADarkPlace]

I'd love this and so would my DH, if it was a possibility for either of us we would both enable each other.

It's not tit for tat, it's about kindness... why not do it? Then he will be more inclined to reciprocate.

From some of the PP's on here it seems like the principal of absolute equality at all costs is more important than working together on it.

[TinySleepThief]

@Devlesko

Aw, a good dad would want to be with his children
How selfish.

Are you kidding?? Honestly since when is wanting 1 week off the marker for being a bad Dad?

Are Mum's who put their children into nursery and then have a few days off at home when using up holiday also bad Mums or does this warped logic only apply to Dads?

[OverTheRainbow88]

@Devlesko

Haha either trolling or I feel for your kids dad with that attitude

[Tarantulala]

We pay for year round nursery anyway, and you bet I have time off whilst he still goes in, as does DH. I'd be surprised if the nursery was cool with you just not paying for a week anyway. If it was a mum I bet loads of people would be saying yes treat yourself. It sounds like he helps a lot and as he does holidays anyway not sure why you use all of your leave on them? Take a week off when they're still going.

[Hardbackwriter]

DH is a teacher and we found that DS struggled a bit to resettle in childcare after not being there for 6 weeks last summer, so this year he continued going two days a week throughout; DH dropped him off later than usual and picked him up earlier but he then had the days to himself. It never really occurred to me that this might be controversial? DS's nursery has lots of children with SAHMs who send the kids to nursery so they can have some time off!

[Starksforthewin]

The madness of some of these responses...🙄

When I decided to have children, I didn’t sign up to giving up all of my own pleasure in MY life. You don’t stop existing as a person when you become a mother or a father.

OP, he’s said he wants this time. He should have it. You are not his keeper nor is it for you to ‘let’ him.

This would be my stance if you were the parent who wanted some time to themselves.
Do you? If so, make arrangements for it to happen.
After the year everyone is having (especially those working in schools and hospitals) down time is essential for one’s mental health.

No point saving money for future life choices if you’re not able to enjoy them.

Some of these marriages sound like prisons, where every child free moment is policed and resented. Wonder how many of them will last the distance?

SantaClarita your post is spot on.

[Cocomarine]

So why did all your annual leave get used up by childcare, appointments and “family” when you’ve got holidays covered by him being a teacher.
Are you doing a lot of extended family caring?

[PonfusedCarent]

Our nursery allow it with notice.

DH doesn't do all of the childcare during every holiday despite that being our initial agreement when we had DC. I take a few days off during each holiday where I can, maybe a week in the summer but mostly it's him so I do believe he deserves a break, it's just a lot of money and I'd like to try and save it which is why I saw it a bit differently on this occasion.

In terms of the heavy workload/childcare during lockdownHis school were operating differently during lockdown, no online lessons with teachers so just contact when needed.

So again, just so it's definitely clear, I do not judge him for wanting a break without DC (who is still home in the evenings). Reason being, we have zero support and I see it as the equivalent to someone having their kids stay with grandparents.

[Hardbackwriter]

Sounds weird. I thought parents look after their kids during their holidays....maybe just me then

I also think it's a bit different when you have as much holiday as a teacher. I very rarely take a day off work and don't spend that day with DS (though I did have one day off this summer when DS went to nursery and DH and I spent the day just us, which presumably makes us both Bad Parents), though now I work four days a week not five I'd probably consider it more. DH has 13 weeks a year at home so if DS spends a couple of days a week in nursery while DH is on holiday it's hardly like he then never sees him...

[Tarantulala]

DH doesn't do all of the childcare during every holiday despite that being our initial agreement when we had DC. I take a few days off during each holiday where I can, maybe a week in the summer but mostly it's him

So he does 5 weeks in the summer and at least a few days every holiday as well.

[IceniSky]

Some of these relationships sound so transactional. 'You can only have 5 days off if I can'. Sounds nasty and pathetic. It's not a usual situation and he has a chance to chill for a couple of days. I'd hate to be in a relationship where my loving partner says no just because they don't get exactly the same thing.

[OverTheRainbow88]

Most my non teaching friends choose specific days off as annual leave and make sure it’s the day their children are at nursery so they can chill/go for lunch/day cinema/spa and have a fun adult day!

More fool those that don’t if they can afford too, I think

[ThePlantsitter]

Can you take some time off at the same time? That's what I'd do. So seldom happens you can lig about together at home without DC.

[CoralFish]

If you have already committed the money for childcare then it is no 'loss'. I assume that is his perspective and he thought he would take advantage of some time off - I know I would in his situation! Plus, in a 'normal' situation he would probably be spending money to take said child out and entertain them which would add to the same feeling.

[Flynn999]

Me and dp have done it in the past. Had random days off, but sent ds to childcare. Ds enjoys it and it gives both me and dp a break.

I can’t imagine a weeks worth of childcare will seriously dent your house buying budget. Either that or get him to cover it out of his ‘spends’

[goldensummerhouse]

Presumably he'll at least do the childcare runs and sort out dinner, etc?

Getting to have that one day a week through summer probably gave him a taste for it... If he does do it, make a mental note to claim your week at some point too.

[Cheeseandwin5]

I see the OP has back tracked on some of her posts, reducing with split between caring, as support for her DH came in.
My view is that everyone, even a parent needs time off. I think you are missing a trick here and could book some time for yourself during the summer holidays for yourself.
I would also add, the hours between when the kids go and arrive back from school can go very quickly and before you know it they are back again.