Should DH look after DC during time off?

[PonfusedCarent]

I have a feeling I am being unreasonable but here goes...

DH works in education and has all school holidays off, his school recently made the decision for 2 weeks off in October for half term.

We have a DC in childcare and usually they'd be at home together. He's now said we have to pay for the second week off so he can have a break on his own. Not to do anything in particular, he'll just be at home lounging about on the sofa all day.

We're saving for a house and I see this as money that will be wasted in these circumstances.

[SoulofanAggron]

I imagine that's quite a lot of money if you're trying to save.

[SunbathingDragon]

I don’t think it’s unreasonable although I would expect you to be able to do the same at some point if you wished.

I agree with PP though that most childcare places will charge for that week whether the child is there or not so you wouldn’t be saving any money.

[SantaClaritaDiet]

As long as the house is clean and tidy, chores done and diner ready when I come home from work, I would have no problem with it at all.

I don't mean I'd expect a full autumn clean, just normal maintenance that I manage to do when I work FT anyway - and take-away for diner would be fine too, just not for me to think about (but we do share with DH, so we are pretty chilled about chores).

[iluvgab]

Surely that week will be booked and paid for at nursery anyway. You haven't said what that situation is.

Your OP was a bit misleading saying he works in education and has all the school holidays off as it implied he was rolling about doing nothing. But then you go on to say that he does all the childcare during these holidays (apart from times when you have booked time off work presumably?)

I think he should have the week off. You'd have had to pay for that week anyway if the school hadn't decided to have a two week half term. Just let him have the break - who knows what is going to happen in the coming months with Corona etc. Let him recharge his batteries.

It sounds to me as though you would resent him being at home "doing nothing". Can you not take a week off at some point while the children are in childcare to get some time on your own to relax?

[Nikori]

When my kids were small, nursery charged monthly, so sometimes I'd send them to nursery even when I was off work as everyone needs a break sometimes and it was easier to get stuff done without the kids underfoot. I don't see this as a big deal unless you pay weekly and it's a lot of money that you can't afford.

[Nottherealslimshady]

If you get equal time off then it's fair. DH and I have a week to two weeks per year allowance for holidays alone. I'm pregnant and we've agreed it still stands (with some adjustments to me breastfeeding and having a newborn). We have the time and money to not have to sacrifice anything else .

If you dont equal time, and you dont have the money to spare then it's not fair.

[DemolitionBarbie]

Has he been especially stressed or anything? I'd go for the week of childcare but have a long list of things that need doing. I think a couple of days lounging is ok, so long as you get the same one day!

[museumum]

I also don't understand why the OP has to use all her annual leave for childcare when the OPs DH is off every holiday anyway???

Neither DH nor I have ever had a week off without doing childcare but if given the opportunity we'd probably take 2-3 days alone. 1-2 for leisure and maybe 1-2 for something DIYish that is easier without a child in tow. Given the DH will be doing solo childcare for a week immediately before he'll have plenty of time to run 'days out' and 'interesting activities' anyway.

[unmarkedbythat]

I don't think he's BU per se but it just isn't something I'd do. Certainly not a whole week. Can you compromise? Send the dc to childcare for a couple of days rather than the full week?

[Badger2033]

As others have suggested I think a couple of days would be reasonable and he should look after your DC the rest of the time. Perhaps that could be a compromise? Particularly as you’re worried about money. I think it’s okay for children to go to childcare or stay there if parents finish early / have a day off occasionally but a whole week is just sending the message that nobody wants to be around them at home.

[Friendsoftheearth]

Are you going to have the week before or the week after off for a week on the sofa op? I think once that is agreed, then fine for him to also have a holiday by himself.

Unless you are both having time off then it would seem to me to be extremely selfish and I would not agree.

[Darkestseasonofall]

Wouldn't you have to pay for the nursery anyhow?

[blagaaw99]

Sounds weird. I thought parents look after their kids during their holidays....maybe just me then

[blagaaw99]

I mean when I take holiday from work I have my kids

[Glittertwins]

You'll still be paying for the nursery regardless. Let him have the time off completely- we used to do this too and it's really nice having a small break without the children around

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

My own dh is a teacher. He does all holiday childcare for our two and has done since they were babies. I work FT and we have a term time arrangement with our childminder.

My4-5 weeks annual leave are also used in school holidays so for those weeks there are two of us but the other 8-9 weeks he is, to all intents and purposes, a SAHP.

[blagaaw99]

But if nursery open and paid for maybe different, mine are at school

[SantaClaritaDiet]

I don't understand this constant pettiness and competition in a couple frankly.

He might have more time off. Lucky him. If some of this time off is used to make your own life easier (and completely chore free that week) and he spends most of his free time enjoying himself, what is wrong with that?

You both benefit anyway.

Fair enough if you have the exact same holiday entitlement and the exact same working hours you split the childcare evenly. As soon as you have different working patterns and holidays, who cares. If he was taking ALL his holiday to chill out and leaving the OP to do ALL the childcare, it would be different obviously.

[mindutopia]

That's fine if you can collectively afford it. Dh and I both put our youngest in nursery (eldest in school) to have a rare day off together and I have certainly done it so I could go on holiday (dh still at home obviously but working). As a teacher, I imagine he probably needs a break at the moment. As long as you can afford it though and that may mean he needs to contribute more to the cost as he would normally have been at home to cover childcare.

[TinySleepThief]

@blagaaw99

I mean when I take holiday from work I have my kids

But the OP doesn't need to do that as her DH is off during the holidays and looks after their children. Therefore in theory the OP could use all her time off lounging at home sans children. She probably wouldn't but the reality is because of her DHs job she doesn't need to use her holiday for childcare purposes during school holidays., her DH on the other hand will always have children at home during his days off unless they are out e.g at a holiday club for the day.

[Sunnyjac]

My husband is a teacher. He’s never once, in the 7 years since our eldest started school, suggested they be in childcare when he’s on holiday. He used to love having all that time to himself to relax and go for long walks, generally please himself. But then we had kids and he’s their father. At some point in the future he’ll have that time again. But not now and if he suggested what your husband has suggested the answer would be a resounding no chance! I’d love a week lounging around and pleasing myself but it’s not an option and neither is it for him because we have children

[OverTheRainbow88]

I’d love a week lounging around and pleasing myself but it’s not an option and neither is it for him because we have children

Why not then if this is an option for OPs OH?

I always send my kids into nursery for at least a week during my school holidays! Some years they go in once a week every week, also makes it easier for the kids to resettle after the 5 week holiday!!!

Don’t know why people have to try and be martyrs when it comes to relaxing time away from their kids.

[TinySleepThief]

I’d love a week lounging around and pleasing myself but it’s not an option and neither is it for him because we have children

You do realise no one wins when you martyr yourselves. For all you know your children might enjoy attending a holiday club and you and your partner might be better parent for having had a week off to recharge your batteries. It's honestly not unreasonable to want some alone time to rest and recuperate without your children.

[SantaClaritaDiet]

TinySleepThief

[PlanDeRaccordement]

I’d love a week lounging around and pleasing myself but it’s not an option and neither is it for him because we have children

Why not? Many families send children to visit relatives for a week or two. Others send them to summer camps. Others take time off work during term time when children are in school or childcare. And their children are no less happy, no worse off. You risk burn out too by the “no time to yourself from birth to age 18” attitude. Raising children is a long term achievement, especially if you have several. Very few humans can go for 20+ years straight with zero time to themselves, nor should they be expected to. A parent who has had time to recharge themselves as an individual, ends up being a better parent overall in my opinion.