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AIBU?

Should DH look after DC during time off?

128 replies

PonfusedCarent · 23/09/2020 12:48

I have a feeling I am being unreasonable but here goes...

DH works in education and has all school holidays off, his school recently made the decision for 2 weeks off in October for half term.

We have a DC in childcare and usually they'd be at home together. He's now said we have to pay for the second week off so he can have a break on his own. Not to do anything in particular, he'll just be at home lounging about on the sofa all day.

We're saving for a house and I see this as money that will be wasted in these circumstances.

OP posts:

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RedskyAtnight · 23/09/2020 13:25

There are many threads on here from SAHMs who are paying for childcare to give themselves a day/time off. They are generally considered not to BU. Sounds like similar situation to me. Does a week of childcare really make such a difference towards the cost of a house in the scheme of things?

Tyersal · 23/09/2020 13:26

Sounds like he's ready for a break. As always there will be someone on here who had worked 24/7/365 since they thought about conception but that doesn't mean other people can't have time to relax. Diss he need a whole week or would 3-4 days do?

PonfusedCarent · 23/09/2020 13:28

To answer some questions, he doesn't seem to be or say that he's stressed but he's a stressy person anyway so it is quite hard to judge.

Forgot to mention he had a day a week without DC during summer but again, I was working and I did ask him to do a few things on a few days during that time.

He does spend lots of time with DC during other holidays and finds really nice places to go and inventive things to do (obviously didn't do too much this year). He gets DC ready in the morning and does a drop offs, I also get a lie in at weekends as DC often wakes me up for the toilet/nightmares/not feeling well/wanting snuggles at 6am sort of thing. We have lots of family time together but the difference is I may take DC out with female friends and their kids for the day and DH would stay home. DH hardly goes out with friends/to see family (his choice) so I don't often have full days without DC during my downtime.

Having a week off to do nothing seems excessive. In the last couple of years all my annual leave has been on childcare, appointments relating to DC or taking time off for family. I think I've had a couple of afternoons to myself/see friends on my own but not a whole week to myself in one go.

It's not really a matter of him not deserving a break though, he does, it's just a week is a long time with the circumstances.

OP posts:

katmarie · 23/09/2020 13:29

I don't think he is being unreasonable to be honest. Caring for a child can be a hard job, working in an educational context is undoubtedly tough at the moment. If your child is happy and does well in childcare, I don't see why your DH can't have a few days break. As a few posters have said though, if you want the same, you should make sure that happens.

In this scenario, it's not a waste of money to give your dh a break if he feels he needs one.

Sexnotgender · 23/09/2020 13:29

Depends on your overall set up but I wouldn’t begrudge my DH some time to himself.

Pearsapiece · 23/09/2020 13:30

If you book annual leave on a day kids are in childcare, do you take them out for that day or do they still go? If they still go then you dh is not unreasonable to want some time on his own. To be honest, I don't think he's unreasonable to want it anyway. I know I need a few days at home without ds through the year. Sometimes dh and I book the same day while kids are in nursery so we get some time together

QueenofmyPrinces · 23/09/2020 13:33

I wouldn’t begrudge my husband the time at all.

However, we are both very supportive of each other in terms of making sure we get significant childfree times in order to rejuvenate.

I guess it depends on your relationship? It sounds like he does his fair share with the children though so if it’s just a nice chance for him to have some proper down time then I would just let him have the week to himself.

RedskyAtnight · 23/09/2020 13:33

Have to admit, that if your DC is normally with a childcare provider and DH covers all holidays, I'm not really understanding why all your annual leave is going on childcare, appointments or family. So perhaps the answer is for you to carve out more time for yourself, rather than begrudging DH?

QueenoftheFarts · 23/09/2020 13:34

A whole week to just lounge about is a bit rich when you use all your holiday for childcare and appts. I would totally get it if he wanted a couple of days to himself... but do you get a week of "rest" from being a parent?

zoemum2006 · 23/09/2020 13:34

It’s really exhausting for teachers who are surrounded by kids all day to look after their own kids in the holidays by themselves.

A week might be a bit much but he probably desperately needs a few days non-child contact.

Sexnotgender · 23/09/2020 13:38

Sounds like he’s not a pisstaker generally then. Can you compromise on 3 days for him and 2 days in childcare?

vanillandhoney · 23/09/2020 13:38

Having a week off to do nothing seems excessive. In the last couple of years all my annual leave has been on childcare, appointments relating to DC or taking time off for family. I think I've had a couple of afternoons to myself/see friends on my own but not a whole week to myself in one go.

I don't think it's remotely excessive. It's not really a week either - it's five days, and not full days at that, as presumably he'll still need to drop them off and collect them from childcare, plus be "on call" in case one of them needs collecting.

If the DC are already booked into childcare, won't you need to pay anyway? So they might as well go if the money is spent.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 23/09/2020 13:41

Yeah I think a day or two makes sense, everyone needs some time off, but a week is too much when you are saving. Also you should have the same another time.

LannieDuck · 23/09/2020 13:45

If he's had a day a week off to himself over summer, that changes things a bit.

When you're discussing whether you can afford the additional week's childcare, make sure to double the cost. Afterall, it's not just his week, but a second week off for you too (where normally you'd be covering their school holidays, but they'll be in childcare instead so you can have a break).

RedskyAtnight · 23/09/2020 13:48

Afterall, it's not just his week, but a second week off for you too (where normally you'd be covering their school holidays, but they'll be in childcare instead so you can have a break).

I don't understand this at all. OP has already said that her DH covers all the school holidays. There is nothing to stop her taking a day (or a week) off any time that the DC are in childcare normally.

ImSleepingBeauty · 23/09/2020 13:49

Given your update I’d agree he could have it.
If he was usually a lazy arse I wouldn’t.

OverTheRainbow88 · 23/09/2020 13:49

Let’s the man have a week break, he’s in an intense, high risk stressful job. He deserves a proper break.

Also, like others have said, most nurseries would charge for that week anyway.

vanillandhoney · 23/09/2020 13:50

@LannieDuck

If he's had a day a week off to himself over summer, that changes things a bit.

When you're discussing whether you can afford the additional week's childcare, make sure to double the cost. Afterall, it's not just his week, but a second week off for you too (where normally you'd be covering their school holidays, but they'll be in childcare instead so you can have a break).

But he's off all the school holidays anyway, so OP can just book a weeks' annual leave during term-time if she wants a week to herself. It shouldn't impact childcare as they'd be there anyway, no?

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/09/2020 13:52

@RedskyAtnight

Have to admit, that if your DC is normally with a childcare provider and DH covers all holidays, I'm not really understanding why all your annual leave is going on childcare, appointments or family. So perhaps the answer is for you to carve out more time for yourself, rather than begrudging DH?

This is my thought too. I think your DHs idea to have a week off is a great one. If I were you, I’d schedule one in for myself too. You and your DH can’t go without time to yourself for next umpteen years until children have flown the nest.

RaisinGhost · 23/09/2020 13:53

It's a very unusual nursery that let's you have days/weeks off whenever and not pay.

But anyway, I'd be happy if my DH did that because not only would he enjoy it, it would be a free ticket for me to also do it. We would both be refreshed and get some down time.

doctorhamster · 23/09/2020 13:57

Can you compromise and let him have a couple of days to himself rather than a full week?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/09/2020 14:02

@LannieDuck

If he's had a day a week off to himself over summer, that changes things a bit.

When you're discussing whether you can afford the additional week's childcare, make sure to double the cost. Afterall, it's not just his week, but a second week off for you too (where normally you'd be covering their school holidays, but they'll be in childcare instead so you can have a break).

But her DH already covers all the holidays. So they wouldn't need to pay for extra childcare if the OP decided to book a week off during term time. And I don't see anywhere where the OP has suggested that her DH would have an issue with this.

This is one of those threads, where I think that the responses would have been very different if it was the OP saying she was a teacher and wanted to put her children into childcare for the second week. I think most people would be telling her to go for it.

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TinySleepThief · 23/09/2020 14:05

@doctorhamster

Can you compromise and let him have a couple of days to himself rather than a full week?

Presumably the the nursery will charge for the full week regardless hence why he wants to take the full week off?

HorsePellets · 23/09/2020 14:06

I wouldn’t have a problem with this, and I’m surprised so many people responding do.

It seems like a perfectly reasonable thing given the year we’ve had and I’d do it too.

omega3 · 23/09/2020 14:08

What would he say if you booked a week off just for yourself?

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