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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I a backstabbing interfering busy body?

48 replies

ItchySkinPeach · 23/09/2020 11:36

I feel guilty.

Both me and my friend have the same breed of dog. Both have issues. Mine is highly dog reactive and sometimes people reactive. Hers is similar but not as bad as mine in this respect but he does have a bite history (mine doesn’t). We used the same trainer in the past and she never told him of the bite history, as a result the trainer ended up receiving a nasty bite. He was annoyed that she hadn’t mentioned it to him and I was confused as to why she didn’t also.

Anyway a few weeks back I took my dog to a different trainer, a lovely woman with 40+ years experience in the breed. She was brilliant and spent the whole day with us and only charged me £20. I mean, that’s by the by but I’m just trying to put across how lovely and genuine this woman is.

My friend saw what great results we got so has now booked in to spend the day with her too. It was playing on my mind that what if she hadn’t mentioned the bite history and the fact that the previous trainer ended up being injured ... but I thought “no, of course she’d mention it this time ... “ but I couldn’t shake the worry so casually mentioned it to trainer to make her aware. Trainer had NO IDEA that dog had a bite history and is now a bit upset that my friend didn’t tell her. She’s now reluctant to see him.

I feel like I’ve stabbed my friend in the back but why on earth didn’t she mention it AGAIN?? The trainer is a smallish woman, the dog probably weighs more than she does. If he was to turn on her she’d have no chance.

I’ve done the right thing having I? Feeling like a shit friend but if trainer had been injured I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself for not mentioning what I knew ...

OP posts:
ContessaDiPulpo · 23/09/2020 11:37

You did interfere a bit, but frankly I think it was the right thing to do in this situation!

FooFighter99 · 23/09/2020 11:38

of course you did the right thing! sounds like your "friend" isn't a very responsible dog owner, and if she can't control her dog and lies about his bite history, then she has no business owning him at all - it's an accident waiting to happen

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 23/09/2020 11:39

I think it's the kind of information that should be shared.
Plus you have similar dogs with similar histories and you were chatting. It happens.

Original poster
ItchySkinPeach · 23/09/2020 11:42

I don’t understand it as my friend is the loveliest woman ever. She’ll go out if her way for anyone, knits for the church displays, totally non confrontational ... but with this bite thing she just doesn’t seem to take it seriously. It’s a bloody big dog, we’re not talking about a spaniel here.

I’m wondering if she’s been bitten that many times she thinks it’s normal?? Trainer had actually asked her if the dog had any issues she needed to know about and friend still didn’t mention it. If I hadn’t met this trainer i would never have got involved but I’m really fond of her and would hate to see her injured.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 23/09/2020 11:44

I don’t think interfering is bad in a situation like this. Your friend said she had already mentioned it so why is it bad for you then to bring it up? And it isn’t fair for a trainer to be exposed unknowingly to a dog which has a bite history. If your friend had been upfront the trainer might still have worked with the dog but she is likely to be more reluctant now she knows the dog bites and the owner lies about it.

pepsirolla · 23/09/2020 11:59

Totally the right thing to do. Might be worth directing her to Gov website too as-
"Your dog is considered dangerously out of control if it:

injures someone
makes someone worried that it might injure them"
You can get an unlimited fine or be sent to prison for up to 6 months (or both) if your dog is dangerously out of control. You may not be allowed to own a dog in the future and your dog may be destroyed."
At least the trainer is forearmed now and can take steps to prevent an attack though surely the dog should be wearing a muzzle in public?!

AryaStarkWolf · 23/09/2020 12:03

Of course it's the right thing to do, your friend doesn't sound responsible enough to own a dog that sounds dangerous

SmellsLikeFeet · 23/09/2020 12:06

I think you did the right thing. How is she supposed to help train the dog if she doesn't know the full facts

Nottherealslimshady · 23/09/2020 12:12

She's probably ashamed her dog bites. It's not good. It either reflects on her inability to manage him or shows his reactivity is actually aggression.
My dog is also dog reactive, it's tough, it takes a bloody long time. We've found it's only on introduction that she's reactive, we walk with other dogs now and she's so good, we still have reactivity with strange dogs on the street but we're getting there. Goodluck with your dog.

12309845653ghydrvj · 23/09/2020 12:16

You did the right thing, and your friend should appreciate that too—if her dog bites the wrong person, there could be seriously consequences for the person, for her and off the dog. I can imagine her getting sued some day, or find her dog has been reported.

Sounds like she’s in total denial about his issues.

Dinoctoblock · 23/09/2020 12:17

I think you did the right thing.

Kind of surprised that dog trainers don’t ask about bite history when dealing with dogs with issues though.

Starlight39 · 23/09/2020 12:18

You did totally the right thing - in fact, it was the only thing you could have done. It's now up to the trainer if she wants to see the dog and whether there's anything she can put in place to mitigate the risks (eg muzzle etc). She also knows what the dog's actual issues are and where training needs to be focused. If she didn't know the dog bites, she might have taken a different, less appropriate, approach. Imagine how awful you'd have felt if this lovely trainer got a bad bite that you could have prevented by telling her.

ChickensMightFly · 23/09/2020 12:22

You did the right thing as a human being, your friend was being dishonest and as such can't expect you to stay silent and watch while a lovely person is at risk. Bites aren't funny, if her hand got mangled it could be life changing, bites to the face could disfigure her.
I wouldn't be loyal to someone who put others knowingly at risk, after the first trainer experienced that your friend can't claim naivety.

Friendsoftheearth · 23/09/2020 12:26

She should have told the trainer end of. You did the right thing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/09/2020 12:27

Under the circumstances you did the right thing. Not mentioning the biting once is an oversight at best. Twice is negligent.

52andblue · 23/09/2020 12:29

I think you did the correct thing.
Your friend knows there is a bite history but is in denial.
If the dog then bites the trainer the trainer gets injured, the dog perhaps destroyed and your friend in serious trouble. It's not a worthwhile risk.

Ovenhell · 23/09/2020 12:29

Why didn’t you just say to your friend “oh you have remembered to tell her about the bite issues, she might need to train a different way/longer/techniques etc to help?” .... that would have been better.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/09/2020 12:30

Of course you did the right thing.

The trainer now has a choice as to whether to take the dog on at all, insist that it is muzzled if she does (at least until she is confident that he poses no threat to her), or to cancel the appointment.

I'm surprised at your friend. Quite frankly, if my dog bit once I might, depending upon circumstances, give her the benefit of the doubt, but twice would be the end for me- it would either be muzzled and always leashed, or euthanised.

What breed is it? There are some dogs I wouldn't keep personally just because they are not only powerful but very independent breeds (eg Caucasion ovcharka, akita) and I'm a nosey bugger and curious to know what it is . It might be a Breed To Avoid to add to my list.

Also, are your dogs related?

Xiaoxiong · 23/09/2020 12:31

Your friend lied by omission when the trainer asked if the dog had any issues and didn't mention the bite history. That's exactly what the trainer was getting at by asking that question. You did the right thing.

spiderlight · 23/09/2020 12:36

You did the right thing - 100%. You'd have felt awful if the trainer had been bitten.

inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing · 23/09/2020 12:40

IMO giving someone information that might well help them to avoid accident or injury is NEVER interfering or being a busybody!

Potionqueen · 23/09/2020 12:40

You didn’t interfere. You gave the trainer vital information which enabled her to make an informed choice on whether she took the dog or not.

krustykittens · 23/09/2020 12:40

You 100 per cent did the right thing. Some trainers don't work with dogs that bite, as is their right. Some do but need to know a dogs full history to address their problems and biting is a big one! I have a very reactive rescue who has bitten me, she has been good for a long time now but I would never fully trust her. Anyone who comes close to her has the right to know she bites (although I do put her in another room when people come to the house)! Your friend is being very irresponsible and not protecting her dog. If her dog was put in a situation where it reacted badly, it would be the dog that could be put down!

MintyCedric · 23/09/2020 12:42

@FooFighter99

of course you did the right thing! sounds like your "friend" isn't a very responsible dog owner, and if she can't control her dog and lies about his bite history, then she has no business owning him at all - it's an accident waiting to happen
This...
KeepingPlain · 23/09/2020 12:43

You did the right thing. She should have said. I get that she's maybe embarrassed by it, but that doesn't mean she should let someone else be bitten just because she wants to hide a bad issue. Plus how can a trainer help if they don't know the whole issue?

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