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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding in March 2021

32 replies

WWYD2020 · 23/09/2020 10:56

AIBU to carry on booking/arranging regardless?

I seem to have a positive outlook, DP doesn’t, he wants us to postpone. The logistics of that are making me anxious already and we haven’t even began yet.

I think that ‘rona will be well gone by then, or at least allowing Weddings. For context it’s small 40 guests in the day, 80 at night.

How can we/anyone plan their lives with this uncertainty?

OP posts:

Sk1nnyB1tch · 23/09/2020 11:05

Hi OP, I completely understand your desire to just go ahead with it. But if you want to keep the numbers at 80/120 guests then I think your DP is right.
Even if the vaccine becomes available early next year it will take time to vaccinate people and the weather in the first few months of the year is ideal for virus spreading cold/damp etc.
You could be planning away happily and then an announcement is made that weddings are down to eg 15. Who do you cut?
It does depend on your guests though, if the 40 to the day are your friends in their 20's/30's who are low risk and flexible with their plans and financially comfortable then you'll probably be fine.
If it's your elderly parents and siblings and nieces and nephews not so much.
I am sorry though, can only imagine how much stress this is adding to weddings for people

Bahhh · 23/09/2020 11:29

I would be postponing, or if getting married matters to you do it asap with witnesses and plan a party once this is all over (it won't be by march - they literally said six months of current restrictions yesterday)

sorryforswearing · 23/09/2020 11:31

My friend rearranged her wedding from August 2020 to June 2021. She’s already thinking that it will not be going ahead in it’s planned form. She is loath to rearrange it again though and is looking at it going ahead with smaller numbers. She had already sent out the invitations for August, followed by an update of the new date. She’ll have to do some serious uninviting unless things improve drastically. I suppose a vaccine could turn things around though.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 23/09/2020 11:38

I think that ‘rona will be well gone by then

Where do you think it's going? There's only one disease that's been totally eradicated; small pox, and that took over 200 years. Sorry to piss on your bonfire but I think you're setting yourself up for a disappointment if you're planning on 40 day guests and another 80 in the evening, definitely make a back up plan for how to cut the guest list etc if you don't want to postpone.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 23/09/2020 11:41

On what basis do you think it will be gone by then? Only a small percentage of the population have had it, we are nowhere near herd immunity or a vaccine.

BlueDream · 23/09/2020 11:43

We postponed ours to July 21 and I'm not even confident of that going ahead.

thepeopleversuswork · 23/09/2020 11:48

I wouldn't count on it being over by then.

Best case scenario is we have a vaccine approved by end of the year but it will take months for them to ramp up production and for it to be available to everyone. I think you're looking at the second half of 2021 until everyone gets it.

In the mean time, its impossible to judge where we will be in the virus up/virus down cycle.

I think if you really want to get married you have to accept that you do a low key thing with a small number of friends and family. If your priority is having a big bash you should postpone.

movingonup20 · 23/09/2020 12:19

All depends on the arrangements, if the venue and suppliers are allowing you to cancel/postpone and those attending have free cancellation on hotels then it's fine to try I suppose

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/09/2020 12:27

Boris would be talking about current restrictions being in place 6 months - that's bride plus groom, plus registrar, photographer, and 11 guests. Since everything so far has turned out worse than he expected, would proceed on the basis that the current limits or something stricter will be in place in March (which is only 6 months away).

DS is working on postponing his April wedding.

TheBeatGoesOn · 23/09/2020 12:31

The virus is very unlikely to have long gone by then.
We may be in a better place but certainly, it will not be over.
I would be reluctant to book anything for 2021. That's not to say I feel we won't make progress but I think restrictions in some form will be here to stay well into 2021.

Elbels · 23/09/2020 12:33

We had postponed ours to may and I'm now devastated to think it wouldn't be able to go ahead and can't get my head around moving it again.

I think you're being a little willfully naive to think it'll all be over by march, literally nothing is suggesting that.

bravotango · 23/09/2020 12:37

We had postponed ours to March 2021 - have now changed the whole plan to be a 30 person wedding that can easily be changed to a 15 person wedding. Sorry but I don't think 80 people will be able to be in one event in March 2021

Echobelly · 23/09/2020 12:37

I'd be prepared to do it with 15 max.

We postponed our daughter's bat mitzvah to next June from this June, but I'm honestly not sure we'll even get an in-person ceremony or celebration beyond a few close familt at home then, and may have to have a symbolic online ceremony. But at least we are prepared for what that might entail now.

KeepingPlain · 23/09/2020 12:39

Mine was planned for next May and I pushed it back to 2022. I wouldn't expect a big wedding by next year in all honesty.

VeraPink · 23/09/2020 12:43

I think March is really pushing it tbh. That’s only 6 months away and there’s no evidence things will have improved enough to allow 80 guests by then.

I would save yourself the stress and just push the whole thing back rather than arrange it only to have it postponed anyway.

CatteStreet · 23/09/2020 12:46

March is pretty much still winter.

IIWY I'd be having a tiny little romantic wedding in order to be married and planning a big celebration party for whenever all this is over.

Sorry.

CatteStreet · 23/09/2020 12:49

(I may be strange, but I love the idea of popping into the register office on a Tuesday lunchtime with random witnesses or friends who can keep a secret, and coming out married. It's not how dh and I did it, but I kind of wish we had)

bridgetreilly · 23/09/2020 12:52

You won't be able to have that many people in March, almost certainly. Either plan for 30-50 people or postpone.

BumDiggyDiggyDiggyBumDiggyBum · 23/09/2020 12:55

Ours is booked for July next year and I’ve just this morning asked our venue if we can move it to 2022. We’re lucky that our package includes everything so no separate vendors to negotiate.

I’m really quite down over it but just don’t have confidence for 2021 being anywhere near normal and we don’t want a COVID wedding 😔

Keratinsmooth · 23/09/2020 13:05

I couldn’t bring myself to get my loved ones all together for a celebration until a vaccine is available.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 23/09/2020 13:11

I think it will be at least another year or eighteen months before there is any possibility of having large gatherings. I think it’s the marriage that’s important and I would choose to get married very simply and have a ceremony of some sort and reception when we can rely on being much safer than we can now.

If you want to celebrate with lots of people, then waiting is the only answer I think. But that doesn’t prevent a marriage.

Conkergame · 23/09/2020 13:16

Sorry OP I love your optimism but I’m afraid you’re being a bit naive. There’s nothing to suggest it’ll be over or even better by then. If your priority is the full guest list then I’d postpone a year. If your priority is the legal part/ having elderly relatives there who might not last another year then I’d plan a small ceremony for 15 people in March and then have a massive party once covid is officially over.

Conkergame · 23/09/2020 13:16

Btw I am very sorry for you - it’s a crap time to be planning a wedding

MatildaTheCat · 23/09/2020 13:18

I think that ‘rona will be well gone by then, or at least allowing Weddings. For context it’s small 40 guests in the day, 80 at night.

How can we/anyone plan their lives with this uncertainty?

What basis do you have for thinking the coronavirus will be ‘well gone’ by then?
How can we plan our lives with this uncertainty? We can’t.

I’d be willing to place a very large bet that you won’t be able to have a wedding of that size by then. Why not keep the date on the understanding that up you’ll have to have your guest list flexible until the very last minute. If you aren’t willing to do that then postpone.

ClickandForget · 23/09/2020 13:21

I think that ‘rona will be well gone by then
How? We'll be lucky to even have a vaccine by then. Like a pp I wouldn't want to put my friends or family in that position. I would get married asap in a register office and save the knees up till the coast is well clear.

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