AIBU to ask what ‘parenting rules’ you had before your kids?

[VeraPink]

This is intended to be lighthearted!

I’m pregnant with my first baby and musing over all of the Dos and Don’ts I have planned for when the baby is here - and which will almost certainly fall by the wayside as soon as I am parenting in real life and not in my imagination

So far this list includes:

Exclusively reusable nappies and wipes
Breast feeding for at least a year

No dummies
No YouTube
No mismatched clothes
No baby food from jars or pouches

I thought it might be funny to check back on this thread in a year or so and see how quickly my good resolutions crumbled in the face of reality...

So AIBU to ask what your golden rules were before you had your kids, and whether they lasted once your kids were actually born?

All of the above that you mention apart from the clothes! But yes, we did washable nappies, no dummies (horrid things), bf as long as I could (not as long as I would've wanted), no jars, no TV/YouTube etc (guidelines say not for under twos anyway, it's not good for their brain development).
Also we stayed away from sugar and fizzy drinks and McDonalds as long as we could.

And Ratatcat, you didn't "fail" at bfing, it just doesn't work out sometimes and we need to stop beating ourselves up about it. I would've bf for years given the opportunity but no limited supply and pnd meant I quit sooner than I would've liked.
OP please don't put too many expectations of perfections on yourself.
I appreciate this is Lighthearted.

Two VERY strong rules I set and 100% stuck to was 1. No cosleeping, it absolutely petrified me, she is now 15months and I still won't sleep if she's in our bed

1. 100% no gigantic, bigger than the baby, flowery or bow head bands! I absolutely hate the things

Honestly, we let DD lead us, we just went with the flow, she never liked a dummy, never been interested in the tv, we put Mickey Mouse on and she's uninterested within 2 mins.

Just don't panic too much about what you 'should' be doing

I only had two rules.
One was they slept in their own bedrooms when we came home from the hospital, which I stuck to
The second was that I wouldn't allow them to sleep overnight at their grandparents until they were at least 30 years old.
By the end of the first month I was literally throwing them at my mother with their overnight bag 😂

I agree the real test is number two.

DS1 had a no sugar, yoghurt flavoured first birthday cake and all home made food because pouches ‘weren’t good enough’ for my PFB. 😳

DS2 had his first lick of ice cream at 5 months and could feed himself an Ella pouch at 7 months. 🤣

The sleep ones I’d be most wary of. Don’t underestimate how low your resolve will be when seriously sleep deprived. DS2 just refused to be put into a cot after 4 months. He just screamed. I gave in.

I did laugh at no mismatched clothes. Wait til you’re sending them into nursery in basically rags. And they’re coming out dressed in rags that don’t even belong to them.

I did the breastfeeding and reusable nappies with my first two, got a lot more sparse with my younger two. Also, it wasn't my intent with my first, but once I started finding carriers so much easier than prams/pushchairs, I was pretty confident I was just going to keep doing that...and then as a toddler my youngest refused to be carried or walk.

I also did the no food from baby jars (not sure pouches were a thing with my oldest), but that was more because we ended up just using finger foods until old enough to use utensils themselves. No part of the ideas of learning to love cooking all these super healthy things from scratch that the kids loved became reality. Also, I was vegan with my first child, and I think he ate leftover pepperoni pizza for breakfast so...

I imagined far more reading aloud long books and walks in the woods and similar from wholesome family images. Audio books really came in useful, lots of good classic ones on Librivox and they don't get sore throats or tired, are much better at most voices and sound effects (The Trumpet of the Swan is still a favourite as it has a real trumpet in the audio) and it's less frustrating when they don't look like they're paying attention when I'm not the one reading (though they do pick up far more than they look like they are).

As I home educated primary, I had so many lovely educational ideas that did not work out. I still do it now when I should really know better though at least I'm down to usually only one or two best intentions project purchases a year.

I swore I would never ever bribe or reward with food. Now I'm so desperate for my DD to stop withholding her poo that she gets a jelly tot every time she has a dirty nappy!

I had no tv (caved very quickly), I wouldnt tolerate temper tantrums (I realised she will do them regardless) and very, very limited sweet food (DH didnt get the memo and eats pudding every night, meaning she licks his ice cream 🙄) .

However, I did stick to being tough on behaviour despite her temper, dinner is always a family affair with no phones or tv, no jars or processed baby food, and getting her out and about a lot (except for lockdown).

No dummies soon fell away when my daughter had colic.
I was also determined my children would drink more water than squash. Ha ha, that didn't last long either. Although tbf now they're teenagers they drink water more than squash.
Oh and deciding they wouldn't sleep in our, bed in the morning, think that lasted about a week with all 3.

I couldn't have coped without co-sleeping. Did it with all mine. Not sure I had any rules as such, but knew I didn't want to use formula for first few months

Actually most of those are reasonable.

I didn’t use reusable nappies, eco disposable ones.

And only used pouches when out and about, there’s nothing wrong with an ellas.

But everything else is fine. No one needs tv before two ( and then they stop napping and you just need twenty minutes peace in the middle of the day)

I swore I wouldn’t have a fussy eater, because I’d encourage him to eat lots of different foods at an early age, not just bland “child friendly” food.

I did all the right things, BLW, wide variety.l etc. Have pictures of him as a 10 moth old eating all sorts.

Now he has a repertoire of about three meals that are acceptable!

I planned to breastfeed and I did for 14 months but it kind of back fired as I also planned to express once she got older but had a bottle refuser and my boobs didn’t respond to the pump anyway.

I said no dummies until she came along and then I was all about the dummy which was unfortunate as she was also a dummy refuser.

I said no YouTube but DH wasn’t on board so now he’s a SAHD I let that one slide. Screen time limits have gone out the window since lockdown.

I’ve never used jarred baby food as I think it looks so grim but we started on the pouches when DD was really constipated and found them handy. Baby led weaning was this lazy mum’s preference although a) it meant she ate loads of crap off my plate in cafes etc and b) she’s fussy as heck now anyways so no claims to virtue there!

We looked into reusable nappies but DH wasn’t on board so also let that one slide. And clothing-wise it’s always been whatever is nearest and least visible stains...

@TheKeatingFive

I agree the real test is number two.

DS1 had a no sugar, yoghurt flavoured first birthday cake and all home made food because pouches ‘weren’t good enough’ for my PFB. 😳

DS2 had his first lick of ice cream at 5 months and could feed himself an Ella pouch at 7 months. 🤣

The sleep ones I’d be most wary of. Don’t underestimate how low your resolve will be when seriously sleep deprived. DS2 just refused to be put into a cot after 4 months. He just screamed. I gave in.

I did laugh at no mismatched clothes. Wait til you’re sending them into nursery in basically rags. And they’re coming out dressed in rags that don’t even belong to them.

I laughed at the last paragraph. It’s so true. They get through so many clothes and ruin them that I have up sending her in nice clothes. Cheap t-shirts and leggings that already had paint on

I have 1 DC and currently pregnant with #2. I only really had a handful of rules before I became a parent:

1. No iPads/tablets - DC is 2 and still doesn't know what these are. We do however let her watch TV/films.
2. No dummies - DC was never interested in them but if one had helped her sleep or settle, I would have given her one.
3. Not putting up with bad manners/behaviour - DC is only 2 so she's a bit young yet and still learning but we don't put up with throwing blocks at people, hitting people in the face, climbing up on things if she's been told not to, etc.
4. No co-sleeping - personal choice and I don't judge anyone that does, it just isn't for me. We've stuck to this and DC seems to prefer her own bed and space thankfully.

Oh I had such high hopes and at ten months have lost at least half of my ideals

1. No TV - she’s our first and as a lockdown baby she never got used to a parent being out of eyesight as one of us has worked from home since March. From eight months I started letting her watch LBB, Cocomelon or Peppa Pig on Netflix when I need to use the toilet in peace.

1. No dummies - caved on this one on week two . I wish I had known at the time that if you start, it’s very hard to stop until they grow themselves out of it.

1. Cloth nappies - we stuck to this one but there’s no way in hell we would have managed if we didn’t also choose to do EC side by side.

1. EC - but by no means hardcore about it. We haven’t made the progress that most people brag about online, but we know our kiddo’s poo schedule enough that we have a poo nappy only when she’s teething or her schedule is out of sorts. I thought it was complete nonsense from DW at first but it has actually made cloth nappies bearable.

1. No pots / sachets / ready made baby food - HA. Lasted about two weeks into weaning.

Go easy on yourself. Have your rules but also don’t feel guilty about breaking them if you need to. You and your baby both have to survive the first few years of no sleep, tantrums, and constantly having one arm full of something while you’re trying to multitask.

No dummies
No mismatched Pyjamas
Not cuddling them to sleep
Limited chocolate
No YouTube when we are out

Broke it all!!

I was sure I'd let my kids play with all different toys and was snooty about parents who got their boys into trucks and cars and diggers and their girls into pink fairies....

Lasted until my son could reach for his own toys and resolutely chose anything with wheels. Reaslied it's not the parent who forces the diggers and trucks etc! And now my daughter picks out the characters from all the Duplo wheels and brio trains...

No McDonald's... yeah, right 😒

My kids love You Tube!

They both had dummies.

The both had a Jumperoo and a Vtech Walker.

They both had disposable nappies.

They were both breast feed over a year.

They both were weaned on mostly homemade food.

My 2 yo knows how to use an iPad. He also can climb the biggest tree in the garden and could scoot to pre school by 18 months. He can spell his name and count to 100.

My 5yo can read The Enormous Crocodile by Roald Dahl on his own. He can also swim without arm bands, ride a bike without stabilisers and plays outdoors every day. But blimey he does love good bit of Ryan’s Toy review on You Tube.

Parent the kids you have. Adapt what you need to. Just enjoy it! (And laugh in a year when you look back!)

Oh and my first child showed me the confident to have another.

My second child taught me not to judge other parents....

(From MN, somewhere....)

I think i thought I'd be firm. No would mean no and i wouldn't give in to tantrums. In reality I've been quite soft and thought about why they were behaving a certain way and responded accordingly. They are pretty well behaved teens now. According to the school, not just me. So it hasn't done them any harm. They've had boundaries, but I've just been empathetic and not too rigid or harsh.

Not a personal goal but one I got sooooo much when I was pregnant was 'let them cry it out if it's nap time'
Hahaha 😂 yeah okay I'll just leave my 5 week old to scream the street down

Agree that your second kid is the real test!

I stuck to homemade baby food and "nice outfits"/matchy clothes with the first. Did I fuck when I had an extra 3yo to contend with - I'm just relieved if they're both fed and dressed

@CatsArePeopleToo I never had McDonalds as a child - I wasn't allowed. I've never had one as an adult, either! It is a rule I'd probably try to keep but it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened on occasion.