AIBU to ask what ‘parenting rules’ you had before your kids?

[VeraPink]

This is intended to be lighthearted!

I’m pregnant with my first baby and musing over all of the Dos and Don’ts I have planned for when the baby is here - and which will almost certainly fall by the wayside as soon as I am parenting in real life and not in my imagination

So far this list includes:

Exclusively reusable nappies and wipes
Breast feeding for at least a year

No dummies
No YouTube
No mismatched clothes
No baby food from jars or pouches

I thought it might be funny to check back on this thread in a year or so and see how quickly my good resolutions crumbled in the face of reality...

So AIBU to ask what your golden rules were before you had your kids, and whether they lasted once your kids were actually born?

Never having had a child before and my son never having been a child before my rule was try something if it doesn't work try something else.

I could not see the point of having rules as having a rule does not mean it is the best thing to do when the time comes so I just kept an open mind.

I was going to be that parent who is happy for anyone to have a cuddle and would be super chilled.
I’d be able to get onto sewing and housework and all that stuff.
Dh and I would have a weekly date night.

I was sooo not that parent.
When dd1 was a newborn (and a Velcro colicky bones though flesh screamer for what felt like forever but was in reality about 5-8 months of sleepless screaming hell)
Turns out I was not ok with handing over my baby to anyone to cuddle as she wasn’t ok with others and would just scream.
Even those I can get every baby to sleep cause I’m the baby whisperer people.
We also failed sleep school so not even the pros got her to sleep.

My dh’s Aunt and our neighbour are still traumatised about the 2 years DD1 would just catch a look at either of them and would just scream and scream.

Dd1 is now 7 and DH and I have yet to have a date night.

Mine was co sleeping but that never lasted long. I have a neighbour who told me when discussing she had not seen my 10 year old at the time play out much now (explained he was getting in to xbox etc ) that her baby would not have electronics or eat anything bad. I saw her about 3 years later on the bus with like a vtech thing in his hand and then she gave him a greggs lol.

No co sleeping .....oh how wrong was I 😂😂😂😂😂

The big one I failed on was dummies. I never wanted them in the house at all then after coming to see me a friend posted me some - I was in such a state when she’d been round. I did stick to no dummies except in bed - so he never ever wandered about with one!

No jarred food was easy, I never puréed anything so a bit of toast or fruit or whatever was just as easy as a pouch.

The plan was to use disposable nappies until I “got the hang of it” then switch to cloth. I never got the hang of it apparently as he had disposables until finally managed to potty train just before his third birthday.

2 I remember were
No video games
No toy guns
Neither happened.

Wasn't going to have any plastic toys ever until I realised how hard a one year old could donk themselves on the head with a bit of wood. Thereafter the house looked like a plastics recycling factory.....

I think no mis matching clothes is the only thing on your list I've actually managed to achieve with my kids.

Oh yes the sniffing the baby to see if they'd done a poo!! Was never going to do that.
Sniff sniff sniff (along with the theatrical face that told the whole world, too).

Someone mentioned no toy guns. I was so adamant about that. Until they discovered their hands, sticks or bananas. Lots of plastic gun tat from the local fairground thereafter (that I also wasn't going to take them to).

No TV and no dummies were my main things. Lasted about three weeks without dummies, unfortunately when we decided to give them a go we only had the v expensive MAM one that case free from boots and now she won’t accept anything else!! Tv lasted a bit longer but she
loved lying on the floor watching football from quite early on! We only watch YouTube together, we do Yoga and watch nursery rhymes (and the odd bit of Europop that we both love )

The thing that I didn’t think I’d be bothered about but I really am is character clothes, I realise this might not be a battle I always win!

I’m with you on the matching clothes though, it’s very rare for my DD not to be in a matching outfit of some sort. She wasn’t a very sicky baby though.

We had the no YouTube rule, and no unsupervised YouTube rule as they got older and have never regretted it and the eldest is now 11.
YouTube is a cesspit first kids...

No phones or tv at the dinner table. After a period of doing both we've managed to stop the tv at meal times, but I still struggle not to use my phone when the DC are distracted by food. The kids aren't old enough to have phones yet, but I should attempt to set a good example.

@GlumyGloomer that’s a very good one! I need to be better at that myself so might as well try setting a good example when the baby is at the table.

It’s encouraging that lots of people have managed to either avoid YouTube or manage it sensibly. I get a bit all-or-nothing in my thinking sometimes which isn’t helpful, so it’s nice to hear about people who have set sensible boundaries and stuck to them.

I can see my ‘mismatched clothes’ rule falling very quickly to the wayside 🤣

From your list, we managed the breastfeeding for a year (ended up doing it to 20 months) and the no YouTube.

Re dummies, your view might change if you get a non-nutritive sucker who insists on using you as a giant pacifier 24/7. Insisting they're only for naptimes and bedtimes and taking away early on is a good compromise. Similarly, given the high levels of sugar etc. in ready prepared baby food, it's good to make your own most of the time but it can be useful to have a few packets to sling in if you're going out for the day.

I personally wouldn't go there on the reusable nappies and matching clothes 'pledges' since I wouldn't want to make life harder for myself then it has to be. Washing pooey nappies when you're sleep-deprived, dripping milk and baby won't stop screaming feels like a whole new level of self-torture. At least have a pack of disposables on hand for the first week or so and see how you go...

The only rule I had was that DD would not end up in our bed every night.

Only rule I've stuck to 🤣🤣🤣

My intentions were:

No screens till 12 months
Breastmilk till at least 6 months
No cosleeping
To use babysitters for occasional date nights
Mostly nutritious home cooked food

With both of mine, have managed all of that except for the last - their diets are not awful but food allergies have made it a lot harder and the eldest does end up with a lot of fish fingers and chips when out as that tends to be the only thing compatible with his allergies

I had similar thoughts to you. Am doing cloth nappies, breastfeeding, no jars still. Have never really given a toss about the clothes. Gave in on YouTube very very early to give me a few minutes to shower at 3pm but do avoid TV generally. I wanted nothing plastic and nearly everything secondhand but he adored trying my friend’s daughter’s jumperoo so we gave up avoiding plastic and got a Whirli subscription - he bounces away happily grinning from ear to ear for as long as I let him!

There’s nothing wrong with having your own parenting style as long as you don’t beat yourself up when you deviate. Oh, and this is number 2 so I really should know better!

Oh also he’d never had a dummy but in a moment of weakness two nights ago when he was up for 6 hours with a cold I tried giving him one that was free with something or other. Thankfully he had no idea what to do with it.

The one rule I made up as we went along (and we have managed to get everyone including grandparents to stick to) is no sweets except occasionally chocolate and only milk and water to drink. I'm a lax parent in many ways including food, but it astonished me when they handed out squash to under 2s at some of the toddler groups we went to.

I read somewhere that it was important to give kids choice and autonomy early to allow them to become independent. My two learned to dress themselves pretty early and so were allowed to choose their own outfits from then on (weather dependant)

So that will be your mid matched rule completely out of the window. They looked like circus freaks. My MIL was horrified.

Now at 11 one dresses like a mechanic and one likes stripper.

Oh, the rule I stuck well to was fizzy drinks. Not a sip until they were 9 and even now it's a real treat (I make them share a can). They do have good teeth though!

@funtimefrank that’s a very good point - I’ve always believed children should be given age-appropriate autonomy over their clothes / hair etc, so I’ll have to let go of my matching clothes dream once they’re old enough to decide for themselves what they want to wear! I’ll enjoy the period of babyhood where I get to be in charge of that while it lasts

My only rule was to get out of the house every day and to make that a walk (with pram / toddle / bike ride) if possible. DCs are older primary now and I still do this.

They never wanted to co-sleep. They never wanted dummies. They never wanted to eat what I wanted them to eat either. They watch youtube.

You win some, you lose some.

The test isn’t what you broke with number 1 but what happens with number 2 or more...

The main things I had were breastfeeding, no dummies and no jars. I failed to breastfeed both of mine but neither had a dummy or jars. Number 1 had the perfect diet as a toddler. Number 2 ate things from an age I would have never dreamt of doing with no.1. Screen time increased considerably for no.1 when no.2 was born and lockdown has meant both had far too much tv. I do feel a bit guilty that my second hasn’t had the same as my first but she has also had the benefit of a sister.