To ask what age you think I should ideal to have children

[thedaywewillremeber]

I had my first in my early 20’s I wish I had waited till I was at least 27. My friend who had her children late 30’s wishes she had hers the same age I had mine. Aibu to ask what age is ideal to you?

I think you needed to have experienced a chunk of life as an adult first with all the responsibilities it brings. For me, I wanted marriage, own home, savings and enough skills/education to be able financially independent if need be.

As a child the lack of stability and finances was awful and I don’t really remember ever feeling secure, not something I wanted for my own.

There’s a diffferent right age for. Different people…..their circumstances determine it.
However, speaking generally, the more time passes, the more I think early 30s has most benefits.

People then have had enough time to get some career time under their belts and become stable financially. Careers have made some progress and people have had some time to be child free and carefree.
However, they also still have plenty of energy and the financial burden of the children will be mostly done by early 50s. I think this latter point is often neglected…..those who have children in later 40s….and I know how much they are wanted and people wouldn’t choose to go without them….are often then moving to bigger houses and committing themselves to mortgage debt until 70. Any prospect of stopping work or going part time reduces. I think it’s a big downside that is overlooked. And again, I know most people would choose that downside over not having children. I’m just saying that I think earlier is more ideal. But we don’t live in an ideal world.

Had my daughter at 27. Tbh I wish I'd waited until I was about 30 and enjoyed our relatively new relationship a bit more but I was paranoid I'd have problems because of a health condition. Anyway if I'd waited till 30 that would have been in the middle of the pandemic so probably best I had her when I did.

I had my first at 29 which is slightly young for my London, professional social circle, but I’m happy with it

I had mine at 39/40 and it is tough going when they are teens and you are approaching sixty. Things are getting better now but one teen went through a difficult patch 14-18 yrs and it was tiring and challenging. And I have another "borrowed" teen who lives with us who is very thin and always hungry and needs a lot of support (and lifts ) so I am surprisingly on more intense parenting duty then I was when they were at secondary school and the last two years of that were already quite intense (in terms of emotional support and boosting them up). And there's the late night worry of "where are they/are they ok"? And them waking us up coming in at 2am. Plus waking up early to find friends draped over the sofa and the dog bed It's more full on than I expected at this stage.

Having said all of that, I had travelled a lot before I got pregnant & had a good career, and was "ready" to settle down and have babies in my late thirties. I loved the baby and infant stage and stayed at home for it and I think I was quite patient and happy to go at toddler pace. We wanted more babies but had a few miscarriages but all in all we are happy with our lot.

Given the chance, I would have started trying for DC in my early thirties! Going through their adolescent years with me being seven or eight years younger than I am, would have been a more positive, and less draining experience I think.

30 is prob the right balance between good biologically and good socially/ culturally.