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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you think I should ideal to have children

81 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 22/09/2020 14:31

I had my first in my early 20’s I wish I had waited till I was at least 27. My friend who had her children late 30’s wishes she had hers the same age I had mine. Aibu to ask what age is ideal to you?

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/09/2020 15:22

It's not just about when's an ideal time ,I didn't meet my Dh untill I was 31 ,and didn't meet anyone before than that I could imagine having children with,I had my two at 33 and 36 but ideally would have had them a few years earlier ,but was,nt in a relationship

Emmnooo · 22/09/2020 15:23

27/28. I’m 36 and have 3 children. My eldest is almost 9 and it’s great to know we are done and had gotten over all the sleepless nights and toddler stage (I didn’t love that stage tbh...)
We also completed our degrees, post-grads and married pre kids and we travelled around Europe many times and spent time in South American and south east Asia so definitely feel we lived.
All our friends are now trying or having their first at 36/37! But totally each to their own. It seemed to go by really fast and think people seem younger now when they are older iykwim. Loving this stage and at 36 we are back to exercising regularly, going out a bit again and getting our lives back!

Flipflops85 · 22/09/2020 15:25

I was 25 and it was perfect for me, no regrets.

BonnieTellyLass · 22/09/2020 15:28

I wouldnt change it...for me 25/26

It was ideal for me as i had 4/5 years eatablishing myself in my career. I had bought a house and was married.

Then when dc started school i was 30 so could again focus on my career again and we have much more disposable income and I still have lots of time and energy.

BillywilliamV · 22/09/2020 15:29

The 1960’s seemed about the best time, all downhill from then!

Babdoc · 22/09/2020 15:32

Physically, about 20 to 28. But most women that age are still trying to establish their careers/get qualifications/meet someone remotely suitable to be a father! And many women (and probably most men) are not emotionally mature at that stage.
I had mine at 33 and 35, but just 16 months apart. I wish I had been able to have them younger, as I will probably die before they produce grandchildren. (Even now, I’m too disabled and breathless from post Covid lung damage to be able to offer much help if my DDs produced offspring.) I rather envy my PIL’s generation, many of whom lived to see their great grandchildren, by starting a lot younger.

ellenpartridge · 22/09/2020 15:32

I was 30 and that felt about right.

Ponoka7 · 22/09/2020 15:38

I had my first at 18, for me it was the right time. My DH was slightly older and owned his own house. I had secondary i fertility and had my 2nd/3rd at 27/29. I would rather have been done by 25, I didn't know what I wanted to do and postponed doing a degree, until I worked it out. It meant that my children were younger than I would have liked them to be while I was qualifying. I'm a GM in my 50's and I'm enjoying it. If I live as long as my female relatives, I might get to meet great-grandchildren.

AWhistlingWoman · 22/09/2020 15:47

I had four children between 29 and 34. I wish I'd started slightly younger but I really wanted to be married and have enough for a deposit on a house before I started. But I don't think I was as much of a fun and energetic mum as I would have been if I had been in my early 20s Sad

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 22/09/2020 15:49

I had my first at 27 and second at 29. I think it was a good age and we were in a good financial situation. A tiny part of me wishes we’d started a year or two earlier but I’m not sure why. I’m now 30 and most of my school friends still haven’t started having babies (all are married).

Starlight39 · 22/09/2020 15:49

I'd say late 20s/early 30s but it really all depends whether you have a career, when you started it and whether you want to continue it. As well as whether you are into travelling, partying and other things that are easier to do without kids!

For some people, 20 could be the right age and for others, 40 could be (although I'd suggest not waiting till 40 if you know you will be terribly unhappy if you can't have your own children). It also depends on when you meet your DP/DH.

Also tricky as it'll take longer for some than others so those who it takes several years for will be bound to wish they had started earlier.

I had my first at 32, split up with exH and now having my second with DP at 41 having started trying at 39 and had 3 miscarriages last year. Sometimes life doesn't quite go to plan!

Tigger85 · 22/09/2020 15:49

I had my first son two weeks before I turned 32, I had my second son when I was 34 he was stillborn following tfmr for severe fetal abnormalities, he should have been born in October. I wish we had started earlier but needed IVF and were not eligible for any NHS rounds, it's expensive and takes time to find the money, we also wanted to have our house first. We are going to do one more round but I don't think we are likely to complete our family, there's also the risk of covid shutting the clinics again and my amh dropping too low for treatment. Our first son also has congenital abnormalities and it took 4 ivf treatments to conceive his brother. I think if we had started earlier I would have had the two living children I so badly want and the chances of fetal abnormalities would be much lower. I wish we started in my mid-late 20s.

whatthehellis · 22/09/2020 16:09

I don't recommend this but I was 19. I wish I'd have waited until about 28ish BUT I am happy with the fact that I will be 40 and free (as I have another DC) and I couldn't be without DC1 so I don't regret it. But in answer to your question, 28/29 is what I'd recommend.

Terrace58 · 22/09/2020 16:21

Late 20s to early 30s. Enough time to have built up some savings and a decent resume, but also time to have multiple children if you desire.

firstimemamma · 22/09/2020 16:23

Had ds at 28, felt like the perfect age to us.

movingonup20 · 22/09/2020 16:23

Mid 20's is harder financially because you are at the beginning of your career but our expenses were lower and we had more energy, plus point is that I'm child free in my 40's negative side was exh decided that he wanted a younger model once youngest started university

Ishihtzuknot · 22/09/2020 16:56

I had mine late teens/early 20s and no regrets, but I do wish I had more so they born around the same time and grew up together. Now I’m mid 30s and looking to start all over again.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2020 17:04

I got married at 23, and we originally planned on waiting 6 or 7 years before having children. Well, life had other plans and our first was born 2 weeks before our first anniversary. I was 24. Had our second at 26.

I'm 47 now and mine are 23 and 21, and I wouldn't change a thing. I am thrilled I had them on the younger side. I look at women my age with young children and I'm so glad that's not me! Grin

It's impossible to tell anyone what the perfect age is. It's such a personal thing.

lazylinguist · 22/09/2020 17:07

Physically mid to late 20s. But I had not yet met dh then and wasn't ready for motherhood.

Worriedaboutcovid19 · 22/09/2020 17:52

Depends what you want out of life i think?

My partners sister is 23 and works as a cleaner 24-30 hours a week with no desire to change jobs. Her boyfriend works in a shop part time and they love with her parents. They are actively trying for a baby and moving into rented. Their friends are all lovely and similar. Happy with a simple way of life with lots of gorgeous babies.

They both seem very happy as they are and don't desire travelling, home ownership or a career. Thats fine for them.

Myself and circle however are all 28 - 33 and all own our homes, have degrees and professions (nurses, teachers, doctors, opticians etc). We also love holidays. So none of us will be having our babies until in big enough family homes rather than our starter homes and have finished doing things that you can't realistically do with babies.

Neither way of life is wrong, but it does change the age you decided to start a family until a bit later.

Screamingeels · 22/09/2020 18:08

I have given this considerable thought as I was too old when i had mine (38 and 41). Best age is 27 to 32.

However that's barking isn't it? that 5 years out of a 30 year fertile window are the only right time. You'll be lucky if lots of life circs align so you have partner, job, security and the urge.. all at the right time. Never mind fertility issues.

lunalulu · 23/09/2020 07:06

For me it would be one at 22/23 and a total of three by 35. Then a late one at 40.

lunalulu · 23/09/2020 07:08

I had first at 27. It felt late.

Being a parent is a life stage and character building. It develops you as a person. Also, the younger you have them, the better chance of being an active and involved grandparent.

But then parenting is very important to me, and a great joy. Not everyone feels the same.

hypochondriaceveywhere · 23/09/2020 07:09

I'm glad I had my first at 25 and my other children before 30.

ukgift2016 · 23/09/2020 07:10

I had my DD age 22 and trying for my second at age 31.

22 was too young, I really struggled and my daughter father was abusive to me. Now 31, have a career and currently buying a home with new partner.

Having a baby in my early 30s will hopefully be a more positive experience then it was when I was 22.