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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby and dog

35 replies

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:23

I have a 3 month old grand baby. My son is her dad. He and mum are no longer together. I get baby once a week. Social services are involved. Social services are fully supportive of me having an active role in baby’s life and they will soon be doing a full assessment on me in a view to me taking a bigger role in her care. (Can’t go into details).

I have a dog, a young female doberman. Dog is friendly but like any young dog, is hyperactive and clumsy. Dog has not yet met baby. Everytime I’ve had baby I’ve taken her out for hours but it’s getting where I will need to bring her back here at some point, especially as the weather starts to turn. Therefore I need to introduce her to dog.

My family are constantly banging on about “no point in getting baby toys for your house as you can’t take her back there” and “what will you do with her in winter as you can’t take her near that dog”. I’ve told them that I intend to introduce them and they pull a face, ignore me and say “what a shame you can’t take her back to your house”.

It’s wearing really thin. I’m not stupid, I would never leave baby alone with any dog. I know the introduction has to be carefully managed and heavily controlled. What option do I have? Lie to SS when they come to assess and make out I don’t have a dog??

Babies other grandma has an American Bulldog which IMO is more of a risk than my Dobie.

Am I doing something wrong here?? They’re making out that I’m practically offering baby to the wolves! Just to add I’m not naive or daft, I’m a registered health care professional myself who does risk assessments on a daily basis.

Looking for honest opinions on if IBU.

So basically ... AIBU to introduce 3 month old baby very carefully to my dog?

OP posts:

omg35 · 22/09/2020 13:27

Don't lie to SS. That will backfire badly

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:29

I wouldn’t lie to SS, we’re working towards a common goal.

OP posts:

emmathedilemma · 22/09/2020 13:29

Definitely don't lie or it could backfire further down the line. Plenty of people have dogs and babies, I think you just need to research how best to introduce the two of them.

Lockheart · 22/09/2020 13:30

Of course you're not unreasonable to introduce the dog to the baby. Tens of thousands of households have dogs and babies and in the vast, vast majority of cases there are no problems.

Just introduce them carefully and don't leave the baby alone with the dog and you'll be fine.

Somethingsnappy · 22/09/2020 13:31

I'm a bit confused....you suggested lying to SS in your OP?

Dawnlassie · 22/09/2020 13:31

Simply ask why the other dog isnt considered a risk but yours is. Come back and let us know what they say.

carly2803 · 22/09/2020 13:32

do not lie to SS

make your house baby proof now? get baby gate everywhere, dog crate. start training the dog to go on bed - 100% keep them separate

i have dogs and kids so speaking from experience, keep them separate! my dogs are the nicest things on the planet, but they are dogs! kids are kids too, they are respectful but im giving neither of them the chance of being hurt or in a position where the dog's temperament is compromised.

so no, not unreasonable introducing but i would never in a million years have a dog and child face height, even now. so no baby in bouncer with dog in the same room. Basically start now and keep your dog and child behind gates.
no chances taken.

btw - mine do mix now!, but it always supervised and they are much much older!

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:35

I wasn’t really suggesting lying to SS, I’m saying what other option do I have? I either trudge the streets for hours with baby or bring her back here. SS will be doing an assessment on me and my home so of course they will find out I have a dog anyway. Not that I’m trying to hide it but I feel that the dog needs to get used to baby being around as soon as possible and I’m sure SS would agree with that

OP posts:

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:36

Just to be clear I do NOT intend to lie to ss, we’re on the same side.

OP posts:

adogisforlife91 · 22/09/2020 13:42

Introduce the baby to the dog. I don't see why you are avoiding that unless you think there will be a problem?

Or are you worried that SS will see a Doberman and assume aggression?

I think you should get them introduced asap so SS can see they are fine together. If they think you have avoided introducing them they'll wonder why and assume you have a cause to worry about the dog being aggressive. Which is what I think as an outsider when I read that you haven't yet introduced them.

RunningFromInsanity · 22/09/2020 13:43

Just have a think about how you are going to manage the two, maybe even write down the main points so SS can see you are aware of the situation and are taking sensible precautions.

-Get baby gates on several of your doors to show that you can separate dog and baby
-Maybe even seek the advice of a behaviourist/trainer, there are some that specialise in baby introductions
-Going to dog training classes and getting some sort of certificate that shows you have passed basic training may help
-Practice walking baby in pram and dog at the same time.

vaccination certificate and regularly working and flea treatments

Scweltish · 22/09/2020 13:48

I don’t get why this is such a big issue? Is the dog aggressive? I’ve got an American bulldog, he was daft and clumsy when he was a pup, and I found out I was pregnant a week after I got him. I knew he wouldn’t intentionally harm a baby, but I did as pp suggested and put measures in place. I wasn’t planning on crate training but I got one and started that immediately, I got safety gates everywhere. Luckily I’d only had the pup a week so it was pretty easy to untrain him on being allowed upstairs or on the couch. Then it was just a case of careful introductions and not leaving them together

Scweltish · 22/09/2020 13:50

Is the dog actually trained and at least mostly obedient?

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:51

Yes part of the issue is the breed and the undeserved reputation.
Secondly I’ve not introduced them as all my family have made out that I’m taking a massive risk and it has made me feel guilty but I can avoid the issue no longer.

Dog has basic obedience certificate as well as a kennel club good citizenship certificate.

OP posts:

CherryPavlova · 22/09/2020 13:53

I think I would ask myself whether, if the dog became aggressive towards the baby or later as a toddler, you could physically pull it away? A Doberman is a very powerful creature with a strong sense of loyalty which may present as guarding its owner.
A puppy may be hyperactive and clumsy but should be well under control by the time it reaches adulthood. How well trained is it? How does it behave around other dogs and people? Has it ever shown any guarding tendencies?
There are plenty of places you can spend time with a child without it being with a large and potentially high risk dog. Introduce, if you must but on neutral territory and maybe without you being in charge of the baby at first.

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:56

Dog has no guarding issues, I can literally take a bone out of her mouth without so much as a second glance. She has no bite history whatsoever. She’s excitable and hyperactive, that’s her only issue.

OP posts:

movingonup20 · 22/09/2020 14:01

The key is to be able to secure the dog in a separate space whilst you have to put the baby down to attend to essentials eg making up bottles, cooking etc. The baby also needs a secure place eg a playpen. Ideally you will have a utility room/dining room/spare bedroom where the dog can be put securely. Plenty of households have dogs

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 14:04

We have a biggish house, secure garden, seperate living room, dining room, kitchen all separate ... baby gate on the stairs but will put them on every door etc

OP posts:

Northofsomewhere · 22/09/2020 14:05

When I was born (I was born at 29 weeks, and didn't leave hospital for 10 weeks) my mum had 3 large dogs, all German Shepherd/GS mixes. My father's family insisted that he got rid of them while my mum was visiting me (thankfully he knew better) and they were never anything but good with us. It's as much about teaching the child boundaries as the dog. Provided both are taught on how to interact with the other correctly and you step in to correct every single time there's an issue then I can't see an issue.
In your situation I'd be truthful and prepared to tell SS what steps I'm taking to ensure the child is in a save environment in your home (including general child proofing, dog doesn't need to be a big deal). Regarding the dog, I'd make sure she has somewhere to go to when the child gets a bit much and that it's a slow introduction, gradually increasing the time spent together.

nattiee · 22/09/2020 14:08

Before you introduce baby to the dog, after a visit with baby take back a Muslin or something that that's the baby smell on and let the dog sniff it and get familiar with baby's smell. So when you do introduce baby and the dog the baby will smell familiar to the dog.

Member984815 · 22/09/2020 14:09

I have boxer dogs , anyone who knows the breed will no they are hyperactive and lively but very good with children I've had my babies near them , obviously not unsupervised. I'd ask what expectations they have regarding the dog and as u have an enclosed garden can't the dog be there while the baby is at your house. I've known American bulldogs and they are also a breed that get a bad rap , it's all about the way they are reared

Falcone · 22/09/2020 14:10

OP, don't worry! It will be absolutely fine. I would phone a behaviourist for proper advice on introducing them though, they could maybe come and help you. I used to have a rottweiler when my kids were little, and i never had any problems. Good luck!

Kanaloa · 22/09/2020 14:13

Rather than trudging the streets with your granddaughter, is it not possible to move the dog? For example, can the dog stay in 1/2 rooms while you stay with the baby in a different room. Or if you have an outdoor area maybe the dog could have access to (for example) the kitchen and garden. As your granddaughter is so young, it should be easy to keep them apart as you can take a little baby everywhere with you.

RincewindsHat · 22/09/2020 14:16

If you only have the baby once a week for a few hours, you can create a safe space for your dog during that time as a back up plan - either a crate or get a baby gate so the dog can be kept in one room.

Ultimately, the dog may not want to be around the baby.
It's better to demonstrate you know there's a risk, however lovely your dog, and have a backup plan to ensure safety all around.

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 14:23

Yeah this is the thing, our house is the opposite of open plan, literally every room is separated by a door so it will be easy to keep them separated. The living room has patio doors to the garden so I could keep dog in living room with patio open or I could keep dog in kitchen with kitchen door to garden open etc etc

My idea is the bring baby in, let dog have a sniff and then separate gradually increasing the “sniffing” time. I mean, at the minute my dog is sprawled out asleep ... I could be sat here with baby watching Netflix! I’d never, ever leave a baby alone with any dog. I’d never put that baby at risk, I love her too much.

OP posts:

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