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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby and dog

35 replies

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 13:23

I have a 3 month old grand baby. My son is her dad. He and mum are no longer together. I get baby once a week. Social services are involved. Social services are fully supportive of me having an active role in baby’s life and they will soon be doing a full assessment on me in a view to me taking a bigger role in her care. (Can’t go into details).

I have a dog, a young female doberman. Dog is friendly but like any young dog, is hyperactive and clumsy. Dog has not yet met baby. Everytime I’ve had baby I’ve taken her out for hours but it’s getting where I will need to bring her back here at some point, especially as the weather starts to turn. Therefore I need to introduce her to dog.

My family are constantly banging on about “no point in getting baby toys for your house as you can’t take her back there” and “what will you do with her in winter as you can’t take her near that dog”. I’ve told them that I intend to introduce them and they pull a face, ignore me and say “what a shame you can’t take her back to your house”.

It’s wearing really thin. I’m not stupid, I would never leave baby alone with any dog. I know the introduction has to be carefully managed and heavily controlled. What option do I have? Lie to SS when they come to assess and make out I don’t have a dog??

Babies other grandma has an American Bulldog which IMO is more of a risk than my Dobie.

Am I doing something wrong here?? They’re making out that I’m practically offering baby to the wolves! Just to add I’m not naive or daft, I’m a registered health care professional myself who does risk assessments on a daily basis.

Looking for honest opinions on if IBU.

So basically ... AIBU to introduce 3 month old baby very carefully to my dog?

OP posts:

Heyahun · 22/09/2020 14:28

I don’t get the issue about the dog!? Loads of people have a dog and a baby!?

SqidgeBum · 22/09/2020 14:30

If the dog has never shown any aggression, and you NEVER leave the child in a room with the dog alone, I dont see the issue. We brought out newborn home to our 9 month old spaniel. I thought it was going to be a disaster. He was, and still is 2 years on, utterly fantastic. We just didnt make a big deal over it. We held her, let him sniff her to within an inch of her life, and kept telling him not to lick her. It didnt stop him giving her a quick one on the top of the head as he passed by her bouncer though lol. I had trained the dog to come with me wherever I asked him to, so he followed me out of the room where she was, so he was never left with her. Now, they barely look at each other.

I say just do it. Hold the baby all the time, dont make a massive fuss of it, and be on guard. It probably wont be as big of a deal as you think.

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 14:30

@Heyahun

I don’t get the issue about the dog!? Loads of people have a dog and a baby!?

I know, this is my argument. My family have just made me feel so guilty about it. They’re not fans of big dogs.

OP posts:

Heyahun · 22/09/2020 14:32

Meh I wouldn’t care what others opinions are not really their business.
You can’t just never have the baby at your house! Just introduce them or put your dog in a different room. It’s really not a big deal

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/09/2020 14:41

Not unreasonable.

However I am always concerned when someone says they can take a bone out of the dogs mouth as this typically means they HAVE done this and on some level the dog expects it, and does not dare retaliate with an adult who is a known quantity...

This makes that adult feel safe, that this is ok, but what it can do to the DOG is make them very suspicious of anyone near their food, and much MORE likely to retaliate when its a stranger, a child, someone who is an unknown quantity!

So if that is what you have done I would work on pairing the dog having food, treats, toys etc, with you approaching, chucking ANOTHER treat and then retreating, so that anyone approaching is now associated with something else pleasant.

Back to the baby thing though... your aim is NOT to have the dog find the baby fun, exciting, interesting... you want the opposite here, you want to pair the baby with fun, interesting or calm things happening ---> over there, away from the baby.

Allow a casual sniff, lick of foot or hand if necessary but do not encourage it or lure the dog to do this.

Instead use lower value food and toys to redirect the dog to a safe place away from the baby, be ready to reward any choice hte dog makes to move away from the baby, going AWAY from teh baby must always be THE most rewarding thing the dog can do.

Whilst baby IS a stickyball stage baby, this is pretty easy as long as they aren't extremely noisy...

It is once babies become mobile rugrats that problems ensue, so its really vital that dog is positive that moving away from the baby is ALWAYS a good thing to do, long before the baby can crawl, grab, hug, thump, kick or bite...

Original poster

ZeDotMeister · 22/09/2020 14:56

@WiddlinDiddlin

Not unreasonable.

Allow a casual sniff, lick of foot or hand if necessary but do not encourage it or lure the dog to do this.

Whilst baby IS a stickyball stage baby, this is pretty easy as long as they aren't extremely noisy...

Thank you, I found this very helpful and it makes a lot of sense.

With regards to taking the bone out of dog’s mouth ... it’s only ever done because the dog is chewing it near my head or on the sofa etc ... I take the bone off her and place it somewhere more acceptable (like the floor). If ever I need to take something off her completely it’s always a switcharoo ... I’ll take the bone but here, have this instead ...

From the day she came home at 8 weeks old she’s been used to me faffing with her food (eg I put it down, tell her to take it but then remember I wanted to put some coconut oil in it so it gets taken away briefly and handed back tasting a bit better than before. She’s at the point now where she’ll bring me her bone and expect me to hold it for her while she chews it

OP posts:

CookieMumsters · 22/09/2020 15:23

My local authority run information sessions about safety with dogs and babies. It's really aimed at pregnant mums, but maybe you could enquire about anything similar?

Crazyone84 · 22/09/2020 15:50

I have a very heavy 18 months old bulldog. She is soft as butter and not an ounce of aggression towards human or beast. Her only issue is purely her size. I know my dog as I'm sure you know your dog, you know their boundaries and behaviour.

That being said the dog is still a dog. We introduce calmly to new people big or small and judge the situation on the dogs stance, tail, face etc. but 100% will never ever EVER leave the dog unattended with a baby or child.

You sound like a responsible dog owner and grandmother so you will know what works. Try not to keep dog separated too much as this may cause jealousy traits from them. introduce them and keep the dog near by and to feel included but always at arms length initially.

And a final point, I hate that dogs are judged on their breeds alone. I have learnt it comes more from the owners and their training. Our big heavy "scary" bulldog has been attacked on numerous occasions by little scrappy rats so-called dog things that have not an ounce of training in them, ours has not retaliated, more so looked at me wondering what the fuss is about.

MellowMelly · 22/09/2020 16:12

Have a look at this op. It really really helped us with the newborn (my granddaughter) and our dog. It just keeps them off the floor safe while they get used to each other. It was well worth the money as it’s multi functional.

www.preciouslittleone.com/product-information/62/44969/hauck-sit-n-relax-2in1-highchair-bouncer-birdie/?utm_term=&utm_campaign=Smart+Shopping+%7C+Hauck&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=3310190235&hsa_cam=7771832106&hsa_grp=80235242783&hsa_ad=393354011949&hsa_src=u&hsa_tgt=pla-60280000081&hsa_kw=&hsa_mt=&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxY-Nk4b96wIVGap3Ch0t2gfHEAQYAyABEgJgjfD_BwE

Runssometimes · 22/09/2020 16:13

I wouldn’t be too concerned with the usual safeguards in place with a young baby, but as the baby gets more mobile you’ll need to watch them like a hawk (not that you don’t anyway) my DS used to treat the Labrador like a bit of furniture to pull himself up, plus a wagging tail can send an unsteady toddler flying! I don’t think it’s a brilliant idea to separate them completely as that could lead to jealousy- type issues with the dog so I’d let them be in the same room with you some of the time depending on what’s happening. It’s really important to teach the baby as they explore what they can and cannot do with the dog, not climbing on dog’s bed etc.

Your dog will start to become less hyper as it gets older but I think really vital she does get enough exercise. A tired dog is an obedient and sleepy dog, so if you can’t take her out for hours consider a dog walker so the dog has a routine. I know from experience how tricky it is to keep up the exercise a young dog needs. But honestly my dog and DS were out for walks in all weathers - rain and snow as the dog had to have a walk and as long as the baby is wrapped up warm I don’t see the problem. A sling is far easier in this regard to manage than a pushchair so you might want to consider this. And I think having the baby along helps to integrate the baby into the family from the dog’s perspective.

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