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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To encourage you to send letters like this to your schools?

718 replies

NameChange2271 · 22/09/2020 13:18

Name changed for this as apparently it’s an unpopular opinion; but I think it’s important to protect our children.

Please can I encourage you to send a letter like this into all your children’s schools.

Dear Headteacher

I am writing to inform you that (Child Name) is exempt from wearing a face covering of any kind, as per government legislation.

There are many exemptions from wearing a face mask, which incorporate hidden disabilities, including but not limited to:

(I) because of any physical or mental impairment or illness or disability (Section 6 of the equality act 2010)

(II) without severe distress

Section 6 of the equality act states that schools must not discriminate against a student because of their disability.

I am concerned that my child will be singled out for not wearing a mask and would like to remind you that this is also discriminatory.

(Childs Name) is under no obligation to provide proof of this exemption and is protected from doing so by the Data Protection Act 2018

I have also sent a copy of this letter to our solicitors.

Kind Regards
(Your Name)

OP posts:
BritWifeinUSA · 22/09/2020 16:44

So you are raising your son to be a liar?

Good one, OP!

Seeleyboo · 22/09/2020 16:44

OP will then send another letter suing the school when he gets Covid.

MagpieSong · 22/09/2020 16:45

Slightly confused as to not knowing he had medical needs prior, usually there'd be signs if it was serious enough to warrant not wearing a mask (including trauma/sensitivity to things). I wouldn't mention a solicitor, as I think approaching schools on a 'chat' level with respect is better, otherwise they'd feel threatened. I had an incident in my son's class (Covid, but not mask related) and just sent an email saying could they address it with the class (didn't want to mention names/single out), when they replied I thanked them. No need for a solicitor.

Personally, I won't be sending a letter like that as my child isn't exempt and I want them to wear a mask to help out. I also believe in building resilience by helping them appreciate sometimes we do things for ourselves or others that we don't like or that feel strange, but we can get through that. You don't need a 'condition' to be exempt partly due to the difficulty in accessing a diagnosis for problems like PTSD/C-PTSD for sexual abuse victims and the fact that the child/adult may not have sought help for this or have people around them aware. They also may not have had the appointment for diagnosis, been observed for long enough or may have a diagnosis that doesn't acknowledge trauma. They (or their parents) may not want or feel it needed for the school to know they went through that. Equally, there are many other reasons where an issue may not neatly fit a condition or diagnosis may not be needed (eg. working with people who lip read).

However, if this is about discomfort or becoming upset because he doesn't want to wear it, then that's a bit precious, maybe? It's important to wear the mask, this rule is sensible and protects ourselves, to a lesser extent, and others. There will be vulnerable children (and probably adults) exposed to your son, who isn't wearing a mask. While this is perfectly acceptable if he has real issues that can be identified (whether they fit a diagnostic criteria neatly or not), it isn't acceptable if he doesn't. It seems unusual to reach teen years (assumed as mask is issue, not so much for younger children) and not be aware of hypersensitivity issues, trauma (possible), asthma/breathing difficulties etc.

Obviously, you don't need to clarify what the issue is here, but if it's some anxiety/distress (not relating to trauma) or discomfort, I'd suggest encouraging him to wear a mask and finding one he can wear. There is no exact exemptions because they will inevitably miss some out, however, you need to ask if your son was stopped by Police would he be able to explain the exemption (or if he has an issue that affects this, could an appropriate adult)? I find that a useful boundary - same for the 'except in emergencies or to provide care' part of the full lockdown rules.

It's not really a legal dilemma, but a moral one. If you are certain your son's reason is good enough, then by all means let the school know. I would do away with the solicitor and other people won't need encouraging - most people will be aware if their child cannot wear a mask and will have let the school know in their own way. If their child should not be exempt (as in our case), they shouldn't be sending the letter.

My letter would be more along the lines of... 'Dear X, I just wanted to let you know that DS is unable to wear a mask due to [reason]. Could you let the teachers know if possible? I'll get him an exemption card to help avoid confusion. He has been reminded that social distancing and good hygiene is very important at the moment. Kind regards, Mrs. Magpie'

Kezzywezzy · 22/09/2020 16:46

Actually I’ll try to be more positive and helpful. Approach mask wearing with him as an ok thing that helps other people. Support him to wear it for just a v short time. Bribery, praise and star chart or whatever is necessary.
Actually this might help some adults too.

Walkaround · 22/09/2020 16:46

What an obnoxious, twatty letter. If I read a letter like that from a parent, I would dislike that parent intensely for the rest of their child’s time at the school. Copying the letter to your solicitor, my arse. Do you always add that pathetic gem to your correspondence, just so as to ensure you come across as unpleasant and unconstructive as possible?

Sparklesocks · 22/09/2020 16:47

How wonderful to learn that everytime you face something tricky or that you don't want to do you can just ask your mum to write an aggressive letter with a potential threat of legal action. Bodes well.

Nandocushion · 22/09/2020 16:48

Every child in DS's school is wearing them, as they are mandatory, no exceptions. This is from age 3 to age 14. (USA)

OP, do you see a link between people making excuses not to wear masks for no good reason, and the six months of restriction/second lockdown news today?

Knowivedonewrong · 22/09/2020 16:48

OP they did it to shut you up! They will think you're even more of a knob, then you were before, because you're one of those parents aren't you? Probably giving the school shite all the time!

Bewarethesealions · 22/09/2020 16:48

Jesus Christ. Sit the fuck down already.

Crumpledandcreased · 22/09/2020 16:50

OP, did you try a more pleasant approach first before sending that heavy-handed letter? Based on your posts it sounds like you might struggle with polite communication. That letter is designed to get people's back up.

Scarlettpixie · 22/09/2020 16:52

@spanieleyes

And if you had sent in a " please excuse Fred from wearing a mask as he suffers from acute anxiety" message it would have had exactly the same effect but you wouldn't have looked like such a dickhead.
This 100%.

OP I have no idea why you feel the need to be so aggressive. It seems an odd place to start when the school have a system in place of issuing cards to make it easy for children who are exempt to avoid explaining themselves. These cards are used for all kinds of things. In my son's school. My friends daughter has one for anxiety (pre covid) so she can take time out if she needs it.

It isn't discriminatory to ask your son why he isn't wearing a mask. It would be if he were treated unfairly because he was exempt, but as it is, all you had to do was ask for an exemption card and then all he needs to do is flash it if anyone asks. No big deal. Don't make it one.

Why would the rest of us with kids who are happy to wear masks in corridors and going in and out of school want to write to the school? Only a small minority with genuine need should be considered exempt. I would have no issue with explaining my reasons to school if genuine - most people wouldn't unless the reasons were just that 'he isn't keen'. Not sure the DPA works in the way you think though.

I imagine very few kids wouldn't be able to tolerate masks for short periods. I have no issue with mask wearing and my son and his mates are fine with it. I think schools are doing their level best trying to keep the students as safe as possible.

Just out of curiosity, did you send a copy of the letter to your solicitor or was that just passive aggressive bullshit? What do you think your solicitor will do with it - except maybe charge you for reading it? What scenario were you envisioning where following some kind of response from school it would be appropriate to instruct a Solicitor?!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 22/09/2020 16:52

@TheElementsOfMedical

We've just received an email from school saying that they'll be requiring the wearing of masks in communal areas from now on.

This thread has prompted me to compose an email reply Wink:

"Dear school,

Thank you for keeping us updated on recent developments. ElementsFamily are very grateful for your continued efforts to keep all the children safe and happy, whilst maintaining educational standards in these difficult and unpredictable times.

We will of course ensure that our DC comply with all safety measures.

Please convey our thoughts and gratitude to the staff, and we hope that all keep safe and healthy.

Thanks and best wishes,
Elements

Grin

Brilliant! Great idea!
Pinkginhelps · 22/09/2020 16:52

I think your post backfired somewhat OP. Trying not to smirk.. And failing

PomWestie · 22/09/2020 16:54

The inability and unwillingness of certain members of our society to put aside their personal feelings of discomfort and inconvenience for the greater good of society is very depressing. Some people seem very disconnected from the fact that all these measures are an attempt to save lives and save people from suffering. They haven't been put in place just to piss you off for no good reason....I appreciate the exemption argument and of course it is important that certain people are exempt. I don't believe that is what we are dealing with in this instance (and in many others like this...).

I feel like emigrating to a country with a less individualistic culture at the moment.... I think they will fair a lot better.

AgentProvocateur · 22/09/2020 16:59

What a pisstake. Angry

CanICelebrate · 22/09/2020 16:59

FFS Hmm
Signed a teacher who is trying really really hard and is exhausted form constant criticism

Teakind · 22/09/2020 17:00

That letter is utterly ridiculous! There are ways to get your point across without sounding so aggressive and difficult.

DumplingsAndStew · 22/09/2020 17:00

So, @NameChange2271 I appreciate your kid might have genuine health reasons to prevent them from safely wearing a mask... but why are you trying to persuade random people to lie to have their child exempt from wearing one??

CanICelebrate · 22/09/2020 17:00

*Dear school,

Thank you for keeping us updated on recent developments. ElementsFamily are very grateful for your continued efforts to keep all the children safe and happy, whilst maintaining educational standards in these difficult and unpredictable times.

We will of course ensure that our DC comply with all safety measures.

Please convey our thoughts and gratitude to the staff, and we hope that all keep safe and healthy.

Thanks and best wishes,
Elements*

I am totally sending this to my son’s school tonight!

Blue565 · 22/09/2020 17:03

Parents like you are the reason why people taking up teaching is in decline.

The pay isn't good enough for the stress/headache

Cocklepops · 22/09/2020 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Walkaround · 22/09/2020 17:05

Would the Data Protection Act really apply to protect someone from disclosing a disability if they are claiming discrimination because of a disability under the Equality Act? Seems bizarre that anyone should actually be capable of suing someone else for a secret condition they do not have to disclose. The whole letter reads like a pile of tripe.

MsTSwift · 22/09/2020 17:07

Why so weirdly aggressive?! We both solicitors dh a litigator and initially you try and deal with an issue politely with the other side - kind of the direct opposite to this obviously layman’s approach!

Positivevibesonlyplease · 22/09/2020 17:09

You are the reason that many boys like your DS grow up to be selfish, egotistical and disrespectful liars. You need to teach your son that, despite his discomfort, he is wearing a mask to protect others. It is not all about him.

MitziK · 22/09/2020 17:10

@Walkaround

What an obnoxious, twatty letter. If I read a letter like that from a parent, I would dislike that parent intensely for the rest of their child’s time at the school. Copying the letter to your solicitor, my arse. Do you always add that pathetic gem to your correspondence, just so as to ensure you come across as unpleasant and unconstructive as possible?
Let's face it, it's not going anywhere near the teaching staff. It gets picked up by admin, they glaze over by the time they reach the utter drivel at the end, then ping an email to whoever is dealing with the pass issue to say 'Can NameChange Jnr have a mask pass issued, please?' and it gets put into the email folder of Mask Passes, never to be looked at again - well, until NameChange goes batshit about somebody looking funny at her PFB coughing and an inbox search brings it up again with other evidence of utter batshittery and dickishness.