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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you do all day if you’ve lost your job and kids are in school?

30 replies

CathTurnbull · 20/09/2020 18:20

I lost my job in March, my children went back to school a couple of weeks ago. Everyday is like ground hog day. Drop them off at school, do a bit of tidying, laundry etc. Take dog for walk. Eat biscuits, pick up at school, think about what to cook for tea, drink wine.

I choose not to go anywhere- not because I’m scared of catching Covid but because people just annoy me and nothing is enjoyable.

The worst thing is I do have hobbies and interests yet have no motivation to do anything.

Anyone got any words of wisdom, how can I get out of this rut?

OP posts:
Thewomeninthemirror · 20/09/2020 18:27

I’m in the same boat. It’s bleak.
My Dh works 70 plus hours a week, so I’m incredibly lonely.
Box sets, naps, dog walks and long baths.

dollypartonscoat · 20/09/2020 18:31

Job hunt?

Lifeisabeach09 · 20/09/2020 18:37

Sorry to diagnose but lack of motivation and not wanting to be around people may indicate depression.
Agree with PP. You need a new job if only for your MH. The challenge is, obviously, finding a job around school run and childcare needs.

formerbabe · 20/09/2020 18:41

I'm a sahm of school age dc...I find the day goes fast. I'm currently redecorating my house which keeps me really busy. I also sell stuff on ebay. Otherwise it's housework, cooking, shopping, lots of TV. I like baking too. I don't get bored.

And if you're drinking wine during the day, that's a slippery slope...I'd stop that before it becomes a potential problem.

MintyMabel · 20/09/2020 18:48

When I wasn’t working I spent most of my time job hunting.

ZarasHouse · 20/09/2020 18:51

You need a project! If you can't think of anything then often action (any action) comes before inspiration and not the other way around. Learn something new, be that through a formal course or independently, a skill, a craft, a musical instrument, another language, whatever. You don't have to be a committed life long hobbyist, but a foray into something novel can trigger you into knowing what you DO want to do even if it's not the thing you are doing. Not everyone who completes a C25K will go on to run a marathon, but they will still have achieved something. Sometimes the pursuit is an end in itself, even without that much of an end goal. Depression is often born out of monotony. Mix things up. Even if it's just switching the brand of cleaning products you buy or which bubble bath your using. Novelty is your new best friend.

unimaginativeusernamehere · 20/09/2020 18:53

I'd be job hunting, re-training, exercising, volunteering

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 20/09/2020 18:55

I don’t really want to job hunt as my skill set is very niche and I’m really hoping to pick some work up in the next couple of months, however this depends directly on the Covid situation which of course looks very likely to worsen.

I drink wine (only 1 glass or less), sometimes when I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner.

I have plenty of things I can be doing, but just don’t want to. I don’t think I’m depressed, just lost my way a bit. I need to find some motivation, but that’s proving quite difficult.

OP posts:
ZarasHouse · 20/09/2020 18:55

Personally I would volunteer

Devlesko · 20/09/2020 18:57

I'm loving it, the thing to do is fill your day with things you enjoy doing. All the things you can't do with kids around.
Take on a project, look for work, exercise, study, read, garden, arts and crafts, start a musical instrument, start your own business, go for long walks, the list is endless.
Do all the things you've been putting off, just one a day.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 20/09/2020 18:58

Zara - thank you, that is very true. I have been ordering new things in my shopping to make some interesting and novel meals (it’s the little things isn’t it!).

OP posts:
MaverickDanger · 20/09/2020 18:59

When I was in a similar position, I split the week up to set up a routine.

A certain amount of time was spent studying for a qualification, some for volunteering, some for job hunting, some for household jobs, some for exercise & getting myself really fit and then finally some relaxing/slobbing me time!

Having some sort of structure really helped me mentally.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 20/09/2020 19:01

Yes you’re all right! There’s so many things I could be doing. I loved art and drawing at school, ordered sketch pads and art pencils from the works, they’re just sat there on my table. I just can’t be arsed

OP posts:
ZarasHouse · 20/09/2020 19:05

Just start. Even if you start drawing stick men on a post it note you are closer to creating beautiful works of art, and you have the right supplies so you can start better than that!

Anycrispsleft · 20/09/2020 19:08

What do you want to do? Is your industry one that will still be hiring during Covid, or do you think you're going to have to sit it out? If so, would training be an option, either for your existing career or if you want to change careers? I wonder if there will be more options to do distance learning now because of Covid, which is also very useful if you have young kids?

Or are you looking for stuff to keep you occupied at the moment? Your normal hobbies are not attractive? I agree with the PP who mentioned depression - or maybe just simply sadness - it is a loss, the loss of a job, and maybe you just need to grieve it for a while, or maybe the feelings are a bit more deep seated and you might need some help with that. But alternatively it could be that your hobbies are simply not things that are fun to do between 9am and 3pm, you know?

I am a trailing spouse and longish term SAHM with school aged kids and I do a lot of hiking, I play console games, I bake, and I read, those are my main things. I think it depends on you. I'm very introverted so I quite enjoy it, but if you're more of a people person that would probably drive you nuts. Do you know anyone in the same position? It's probably going to be more and more common as the year goes on sadly.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 20/09/2020 19:12

You sound as if you’re doing more than ‘D’H

I’ve been working throughout and the kids have been off school until 2 weeks ago. He’s been at home since the end of March and was furloughed immediately.

I’ve repeatedly asked him to decorate the house - it really needs a lick of paint throughout. Nothing happened, then he decided he couldn’t do it with the kids about (they’re secondary school aged so could and would have helped). Now they’ve been back to school for a fortnight and there’s still no sign of anything happening. I’m going to start with doing the bathroom next weekend and hope that spurs him on.

It sounds as if your days and weeks need some structure. Is there any volunteering that you could do locally? Could you walk a friend or neighbour’s dog? What about getting more into art or cooking? Do the couch to 5k?

I feel for you. I swing between feeling jealous of DH and not .

purpledagger · 20/09/2020 19:12

I wanted to use my time not working positively, so I did lots of decorating, decluttering and organising. This has made our home run more smoothly now.
I have also had some 'me' time, so I've read books, watched Netflix, tried new recipes, gone shopping, started on Christmas.

I must admit, I did lie on the sofa in front of the TV for a few days when the children went back to school. Whilst it was lovely, I felt like I could have lost motivation and I so decided to do more decluttering and organisation. The results motivated me to do more.

I think what works for me is keeping active and busy, so I write a list of things I need to do and plan my week around that. Once you start to achieve something, you want to do more.

ivfbeenbusy · 20/09/2020 19:12

I've never had long periods of time off work even when I had maternity leave it was only 18 weeks and I got loads done in that time. This year I was only furloughed for a month but it got me thinking had I had long term out of work here's what I'd do (and did make a list stuck to the fridge of all the jobs that needed doing!)

  • spent hours making garden look amazing (which having been at work 5 months now looks like a jungle again - but it's at least a one day a week job to keep on top of
  • decorating - keeping on top of touching up glosswork, walls that get lots of finger marks etc
  • couchto5k
  • batch cooking & learning new recipes. There is zero excuse not to be serving up home cooked meals to the family at the moment
  • 1 hour per day cleaning a room in the house....properly....ie furniture pulled out skirtings wiped down windows cleaned etc.
  • I've got probably a years worth of photos that need editing - plus all the associated photo books to produce - so there is probably several weeks worth of work there
ArranBound · 20/09/2020 19:34

I haven't been able to work for nearly 5 years (disability) and tend to just laze around watching telly all day. I'm the same as you, OP. I have loads of stuff I could be doing, but I just can't get started. Either that or I'm too poorly to get up, move about etc. I have terrible anxiety and I'm beginning to think I am a bit depressed.

Don't go making big plans. Maybe you could set yourself one task per day, or per week, something like your drawing or baking etc. Take small steps to get yourself motivated again. You're going to have to really push yourself, but I reckon you will feel so much better after accomplishing something.

SandMason · 20/09/2020 19:53

Run. It’s a game changer. Makes you feel you can do anything. Couch to 5k will get you started.

greengreengrass14 · 20/09/2020 20:15

I've fallen into a bit of a rut myself so I've cleared a space in the front room and did my first beginners yoga practice today using one on You tube. It was twenty minutes and I've decided to do it each day for a week and then see where to go with it. Care to join me on a seperate thread for a week's challenge?

I never liked going to classes. Yes, it sounds like you are falling into depression, be very kind to yourself.

There are free classes to do on the Open University website which you could even use as CPD when you get a job again...

PamDemic · 20/09/2020 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winterfruit · 20/09/2020 20:20

How very fortunate you are to just laze around until you decide what you can do which will make you feel good. There are so many single parents or couples who have continued to work throughout.

Honestly, what can you do? Get a job like the rest of us

QuacksInTheDark · 20/09/2020 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RickJames · 20/09/2020 20:41

I've lost about half of my work due to covid. I still have enough money so I'm not on my arsebones. I work out at the gym and in my home gym, walk my dog and obsess over my child's school grades and coach him. I'm also studying a work related diploma, distance learning and sorting out stuff I haven't got around to in years.
It is what it is. Just try to enjoy your time.