To tell DSS’s mother when he is in trouble in our house?

[BT22]

This is outing so I have name changed.

DSS went to another city yesterday to meet a girl that he had met online. They spent the day together but he spent his return train fare. The police were called to the station and contacted us to collect him. This other city is over 3 hour drive away!!!
We didn’t know he was out of our city and said he was with friends for lunch & getting a hair cut so we gave him extra money. When we called & texted he ignored the calls but answered texts saying he would be home shortly etc

His phone has been confiscated and he is being punished here for lying. DH is so angry that he put himself in so much danger. He’s never been to this city before. His phone was almost dead before he was taken by the police.

DH and his ex do not communicate at all. DSS is a teenager, 15, so has his own phone and all communications are through him. This has worked well for 2 years now.

I think that his mother needs to be told about this. DSS is not that sorry today he’s more annoyed that he spent his money so got caught. I don’t trust him to not do this again.

His mother is very strict so will go crazy at him. But she will also go crazy at DH for allowing it to happen. It could open up a huge issue for DH.

However If it was my son I would want to know.
DSS keeps crying asking not to tell his mother.

WWYD?

@MsVestibule

Ultimately, it is up to his dad, but if I were you, I would definitely be encouraging my DH to tell the boy's mum. He's 15, still has no idea of the danger he put himself him, and his mum absolutely needs to know.

This, 100%

It's good that you've all decided he's going to tell her himself. He clearly lacks adult judgement and common sense, and this is something his mum needs to know, so she can better help keep him safe when he's under her care. If it's kept a secret, he might pull a similar stunt under her roof soon, and it might not end as well. She needs to know for his own safety.

I don't mean this as nastily as it will sound OP.
Is DSS neurotypical? The spending his return money and sitting down and crying is bizarre.

@Barrowmanfan22 he is neurotypical - He is at a funny age where he thinks that he is very clever and very cute he used to land on his feet before when ever he was in a jam. It turns out he tried to ring his uncle to get him from the police but uncle refused. We would never have known if he had helped him. He lacks a sense of consequence- maybe not anymore!!
As for the crying - I think he assumed the train guy would have sympathy and let him on the train for free.

DH contacted DSS mother tonight directly as DSS was refusing to tell her himself. The contact was by text but it went well - they have agreed to communicate if they feel he is lying about either home or if there are any big issues.

Positive result for us but not for DSS. I am sure he was enjoying his time with his mother not knowing about his adventure.

I have a 15 year old Ds and would 100% want to know. I'd be furious with him!

I think his mother should know. If you want someone neutral to do it maybe get a teacher from his school to talk to her or the police who were involved.
It also sounds like he needs some life skills - not knowing you buy a return ticket or not buying one and spending the money he would have needed to get one is not good for a 15 year old.

Sorry - just read his mum has been told.