AIBU to worry about autism and my job possibilities?

[espressodepresso]

Long-time poster on a new account.

For a bit of background - I'm in the process of getting an online degree in Psychology (I have a lower-level qualification in Social Sciences too).

However, I can't stop this feeling that there is no niche for me to fit into with my autism in a workplace environment - I have some volunteering experience, but my anxiety and autism majorly hold me back from being able to apply for lots of jobs. I can't cope with dealing with people on a day-to-day basis (which makes even interviews hard) and I have a really strong negative reaction to demands or even perceived judgement.

I'm considering taking a few years off to try and figure out what I want to do (as well as hopefully start a family with DH) but I feel such panic that I can't keep up with most jobs socially in a way that neurotypicals can, and I don't have the hyper-specific interest that lots of people with autism do. I'm considering being a SAHM for a few years, hopefully to get my mental health sorted a little but also I feel it's important for my family dynamic.

On top of that, the last conversation I had with my mum, she told me I didn't have an excuse not to be working because "even people with no legs get on public transport to get to their jobs". Feel like a bit of a failure overall, not sure what to do.

So AIBU to worry about my autism in the workplace / feel like I wasn't cut out for school at all and so might not be cut out for work?

of course YANBU to worry - your experience is your experience. But I think you are being U to duck out of working life altogether without having tried it.

A lot of things have to fall into place before you become a SAHM. And even if that works out right away, you'll have to get into work somehow.

So I understand the issues and your fears, but I don't think not trying is the right response.

Can you get support - you're studying just now, is there support from the students' union? There are also charities that help people with disabilities get into work. Many organisations are signed up to the blue tick scheme which guarantees an interview to people with disabilities - that is a really positive thing in these times.

Could you try a bit of volunteering, are there placements as part of your course? Work experience?

Don't give up on yourself - it will be hard and it may take you longer, but you will find your niche.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

of course YANBU to worry - your experience is your experience. But I think you are being U to duck out of working life altogether without having tried it.

A lot of things have to fall into place before you become a SAHM. And even if that works out right away, you'll have to get into work somehow.

So I understand the issues and your fears, but I don't think not trying is the right response.

Can you get support - you're studying just now, is there support from the students' union? There are also charities that help people with disabilities get into work. Many organisations are signed up to the blue tick scheme which guarantees an interview to people with disabilities - that is a really positive thing in these times.

Could you try a bit of volunteering, are there placements as part of your course? Work experience?

Don't give up on yourself - it will be hard and it may take you longer, but you will find your niche.

Hi @LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett. Thank you for your response. I have literally no idea how to start thinking about jobs / what I want to do. I might be more successful around self employment as it feels like I have more control, but even the concept of that fills me with dread.

I'm not trying to "duck out" necessarily, but I have no idea of where to start. I'm not a lazy person - I love to study, and I am willing to do tasks other people don't enjoy (repetitive shit, honestly) but it's just the feeling of being interviewed and reviewed and processed that makes me so uncomfortable. I definitely associate it too heavily with worth and rejection.

I can try and get some help, I know where I'm studying there's a good team for MH / disability issues - it's just trickier at the moment in lockdown. Maybe volunteering - I just wish I had some connections so I could kind of ease my self in to the world of work a bit more smoothly (like working for a friend or family member).

Anyway, sorry for the big "woe-is-me" tangent. I'm just very worried and not sure how to move forward!

Civil Service - there are at least three ND people in my team at work, and they perform as well as everyone else (2 of them are non-public facing).

The CS is very disability-aware, at least in my area, and it is good at making accommodations (mostly). The money isnt great, but its ok. Definitely look into Civil Service jobs.

@funnylittlefloozie I'm not sure what skills I'd bring to the table, but it definitely seems interesting! Any kind of employment that is actively non-discriminatory rather than passively does make me feel a bit better. Just have to work up the balls to apply after my uni!

Thank you for your advice x

Definitely seek some autism specific job support. You could do really well. Consider applying directly to hospital work experience schemes - not for patient facing roles but lab work, data/clinical coding or medical imaging or medical physics or equipment roles. Tell them about your autism and that you are good at repetitive detail work.
Whenever you are in work, ask people to give you direct feedback about what you are doing well and what you need to work on.

I'm autistic and I have found non public facing roles in smaller offices work for me, plus part time so I get processing/down time too.

Interviews suck but they have to be done unfortunately.

A young autistic woman I work with has found that having a zoom chat first helps her get over her shyness/being mute when she first meets people face to face.

For interviews for example.

I work in the STEM sector and for a company that's just opened a new office in my city. We have been hiring 30 people or so every 2 weeks. Only through informal conversations and my experience with Autism and Aspergers I have managed to identify around 25% of our new hires have autistic traits, and almost all have a formal diagnosis.

They didn't set out to hire in this way, senior management were initially alarmed and a bit scared but now can see the recruitment process was poor in some areas that benefited those with neurodiversity. We had a very specific skill set we recruited for and actively screened out anyone who didn't fit, rather than hire transferable skills.

I'd recommend you take time to identify yourself own skill set and strengths as well as the areas in work/employment you think will be barriers. Work on how to overcome the barriers. If it's social skills, these can be faked to a certain extent with practice. You need to develop your coping techniques, in the same way as someone with dyslexia needs a strategy for overcoming the tasks that impact them the most. It's doable, but hard work.

One of the highest up people in my company has autism. She is very open about it and how it affects her. She did a degree in her 30’s and has rapidly made her way up the career ladder. Tbh she’s fucking awesome and I very much look up to her.

Thank you everyone who's responded!

If anyone has any practical tips of "coping techniques / mechanisms" then that would be really useful! I have (had technically, no contact) autistic relatives but one was unemployed or hated his job. The other stuck to a very specific career and is still working into his 90s! So I don't have many coping mechanisms for someone who's kind of "middling" in all senses of the word.

Thank you! x

Have a look at the Remploy website. Some of their resources cover autism (and anxiety) and the kind of adjustments/support that can be useful in the workplace - including at interview stage. Might not hurt as a starting point for visualising how it could be possible and what strategies might work best for you.

There is also the Access to Work scheme.

Please do look up disability organisations in your area which help people get into work. They can look at your strengths and weaknesses and help you make goals and work out your next step.

I'm seriously considering looking for permanent WFH or self-employment, I've thrived in lockdown due to the lack of contact with the outside world.

If you feel like it is something that is holding you back, why not make it your niche. You could do a Masters afterwards in Autism Research Methods. You could do your dissertation on this very issue.

@bottomdrawer It's going to sound crazy but I legitimately never thought of that ... I guess I just thought I'd have to do something despite my autism, not involving it. Thanks for the fab suggestion!

Do you have any ideas on where a Masters in that subject field could lead? x

Have a look at the Parc website for an example of how autistic social scientists make a living
participatoryautismresearch.wordpress.com/

I have no idea what it would lead into but I know they have a course at Stirling University. Perhaps you could become a lecturer in this specialist field.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction This is very cool! I noticed they had an event talking about Pathological Demand Avoidance, which is close to my heart. Thank you for the link!

@bottomdrawer Unfortunately need to avoid SU for personal reasons, but the idea itself is great! Fits in quite nicely to my social science-y history as well! Thank you :)

I don't think you come across as 'woe is me' at all OP - you've come onto a forum and written a very articulate post asking for help and support. Good on ya

I think reaching out to student support would be a great start, they will be able to sign-post you to other agencies that could offer practical help. Working part time is a great way to manage your energy. You could look at, say, a part-time role as an administrator in a charity that offers services. This would give you a route in and confidence, and then in the future you could potentially use your degree in a more meaningful way. As I said, you will get there - you just need a bit of support and a plan to help.

Also post-Covid lots more jobs will have WFH elements if not WFH all the time, which will help with the social issues.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! I definitely hope this lockdown convinces employers that WFH can be as productive as in-person employment (I'm very good at self managing / getting shit done by myself, but the concept of office politics or any kind of direct confrontation / managing makes me want to crawl up in a ball honestly haha!). It's good to have it reaffirmed that there are niches for people with my conditions, I just have to get myself into a position where I can readily accept them.

Thank you!

Hey, I'm autistic too! Totally know what you mean. Could you start your own business so you dint have to work for or with others? That's what I did, it can seem daunting at first but if you're god at making clear to-do lists then its very doable.
Working with autism in some way would be really good I reckon. Your colleagues would, as standard, be educated in autism so would be more understanding. And you'd understand the autistics you work with better. And autistics do tend to open up or gravitate towards other autistics as they're more natural to us, like neurotypicals gravitating towards eachother.

@Nottherealslimshady I'd love to pick your brain on how you started your own business honestly! I could see it being something I really enjoyed, I just have no idea where to even begin or if it's a feasible thing to do. I'm in a very very fortunate position to have a husband with a stable career who is willing to support me through my wobbles (as well as any choice I make) - I don't think I would be coping if I didn't honestly!

If you ever wanted to message me re; autism, self-employment or anything else that could be pretty cool! No pressure though. :)

I have autism, diagnosed after 6 jobs in 2 years and never feeling I fitted in to a workplace.

The key to me was finding the right employer. They actively advertised recruiting autistic candidates and had roles that suited my interests/skill sets. Also remember if you haven’t even graduated yet employers are expecting to need to train you up, rather than you walking in the door knowing everything.

The other thing to consider is “pick your manager, not your job”. Mine was kind and understanding and wanted to learn about autism and discuss what reasonable adjustments I needed from the start. He offered me plenty of guidance and coaching in my first year so that when I got a new manager a year later, I was much more settled and needed far less support. The potential line manager will usually be in one of the interviews so you can make a bit of a judgement. It’s a two way process, you need to decide if you want to work for them as well as them assessing you.

Learn to be clear and comfortable talking about your needs as an autistic person. Employers must offer reasonable adjustments but they won’t necessarily know what these should be without your input. Remember it’s okay to try things and then ask for a change if it doesn’t work. This kind of self advocacy can be hard to do and takes practice to get confident. The National Autistic Society offers some great courses on this as well as loads of resources on gaining employment so check out their site.

Hi OP, not much to add to the good advice you’ve already received here, but just wanted to say that I could’ve written a very similar post to yours a decade or two ago. I don’t have a diagnosis but having struggled all my life and recently gone through the process of getting a diagnosis for my DS (ASD/ADHD) I’m absolutely certain I’m on the autism spectrum (I couldn’t cope at all with school/my undergrad course, and spent years in my 20s unable to find a “proper” job and feeling completely overwhelmed). None of it made sense to me until I started learning about my son’s condition and seeing so many similarities with my own experiences. Anyway, I ended up going back to uni in my late 30s (also social sciences) and I’m now a researcher. It’s flexible and I’m in charge of my own workload so it suits me well (like you I don’t have a super-specific “interest” as such, I’m just quite good at ploughing away at a job and putting a sentence together - I’m no genius!) I honesty never thought I’d be here in a million years, so don’t lose heart - it sounds like you’re still young if you’re planning a family, so you’ve plenty of time to find your niche. The professional world is already so much more accepting of ND than when I first started work, which really gives me hope (not least for my DS). Very best of luck

Hi @Grapefruitcauliflower! Thank you so much for your message! I'm reassured that there are people who have experienced similar problems and been able to push through - I don't know any autistic people and so it's not always clear when I just need to give up on something honestly.

A researcher sounds really interesting - if you don't mind me asking, what does that entail on a daily basis, and what were the steps you took to getting here? I'm just worried about taking too long to figure it all out, and then only being able to get a low-skill low-pay job (not because I don't respect it, because I know I wouldn't be able to cope in most of these jobs!). And yeah I'm really young - I've still got some time to figure it all out but somehow that doesn't shift the panic feeling! I'm also a bit worried about possibly passing on autism to my kids and not having a way to help them through this problem if I can't manage it (Sorry if being worried about having autistic children is insensitive, promise I'm not trying to be- just talking about personal experience!) x

Thank you for sharing, it means a lot x