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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ainu?? Cancellation of holiday.

53 replies

Hippoh · 19/09/2020 18:15

Sooo.. my husbands birthday was at his sisters house, I know! Anyway our relationship had been going ok until I found out that my sil had been gossiping about my mum, when I mentioned this was unacceptable she told me that my friend and her son were no longer welcome on the holiday we had planned. She then laughed at me and told me (insults)... anyway by the end she was so upset that I questioned her and stood up for myself that I was threatened with a knife.. in front of my daughters.
She is now denying this happened, husband is a lightweight and fell asleep during most of this but my kids remember.. and remember telling mother in law off for not intervening.
So my problem is... wtf! And how do I deal with these people, I do love them but the lies they have told have impacted our kids as well as our marriage, but everything is my fault at the moment because “I cancelled the holiday that my friend was excluded from.”

OP posts:

Kleptronic · 19/09/2020 18:24

This should be in relationships.

Also, you don't deal with it. Life's too short for engaging with histrionic drama. You stay away from the inlaws, and if your husband won't back you up, you get a divorce.

CastleCrasher · 19/09/2020 18:32

Hang on, you were threatened with a knife in front of your DC and you are worried about how this person tracts to you cancelling a holiday?

Or is it your DH who had reacted like this? If so, same question for him... You were threatened with a knife in front of DC and he's worried about a holiday??

mbosnz · 19/09/2020 19:18

Well, I wouldn't be around anyone that threatened me with a knife, nor would my kids be. And my DH had better bloody well take my word, and my kids word, as to what went down when he was sleeping it off.

This is not a safe environment for you and your kids.

Original poster

Hippoh · 19/09/2020 19:20

I would rather they just own up and say sorry... I don’t want this to be the break up of our family, but I also don’t want to pretend this didn’t happen. I don’t know what is best right now tho. I am 2 years into a degree (nursing) so I have to rely on them at the moment but i just want a bit of respect, for my mum who they thought it was ok to gossip about, and my family, who they have lied to and dismissed.

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/09/2020 19:22

Well your update make it clear that it never happened. No one who is threatened with knife would let kids around that person..

LovingLola · 19/09/2020 19:23

anyway by the end she was so upset that I questioned her and stood up for myself that I was threatened with a knife.. in front of my daughters.

Wtf??

StillCoughingandLaughing · 19/09/2020 19:27

Well your update make it clear that it never happened. No one who is threatened with knife would let kids around that person..

Eh?

CoRhona · 19/09/2020 19:28

Is this the story from a 'Mumsnet favourite themes' book?

Boom45 · 19/09/2020 19:31

You were threatened with a knife and you all you want is an apology? Blimey.

UnaMujer · 19/09/2020 19:33

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Well your update make it clear that it never happened. No one who is threatened with knife would let kids around that person..

I agree

UnaMujer · 19/09/2020 19:33

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Well your update make it clear that it never happened. No one who is threatened with knife would let kids around that person..

Eh?

Would you let a person who had threatened you with a knife be around your children??

StillCoughingandLaughing · 19/09/2020 19:34

No @UnaMujer, I wouldn’t - but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/09/2020 19:34

I assume the eh was at my wonderfully horrible syntax there🙈 sorry

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/09/2020 19:35

Oh. X posted

StillCoughingandLaughing · 19/09/2020 19:35

I wouldn’t leave toddlers alone in a hotel room either - that doesn’t mean the McCann case didn’t happen.

Original poster

Hippoh · 19/09/2020 19:45

I don’t let sister in law around kids, but I let mother in law sit them. But it’s just as bad.. I need to get out, will be a lot less stressful if I have a degree. I hate this situation, I just want things to be less f up x
I love my husband, he just can’t fathom his sister being such a b*c.. and I’m cross that these lies will probably make us move.

OP posts:

12309845653ghydrvj · 19/09/2020 20:12

TBH I have no idea from your initial post what actually happened...

There was a party at the SIL’s house for your DH. You heard them discussing your mum: what did they say? We’re they insulting her? Need specifics.

You then start an argument with them about this: sorry sounds like you are really minimising what you said here, you say you “mentioned” they shouldn’t talk about your mum. What actually happened here: was there a fight, a big argument? Or did you blow up at them? Was it a “we’e not getting on, we shouldn’t go on holiday together” or a “fuck you” kind of situation? You say she insulted you—what sort of things were said, was this a back and forth? Reading between the lines it sounds like there was a big fight here that went on for quite a while?

Who was being physically intimidating in this situation, and what do you mean by threatened with a knife? Like there is a world of difference between going to the kitchen to get a butchers knife vs already holding a butter knife, someone getting physically intimidating over you and automatically grabbing it with no intent?

Also you say your husband was asleep—in the same room? You must have this sort of drama very regularly for him to not pay attention surely? And were you ever in actual physical harm?

The holiday: you say at the end that a friend was excluded from it (?) and you cancelled a holiday (?) I have no idea whats going on here.

12309845653ghydrvj · 19/09/2020 20:14

Also you say you previously had an ok relationship with them, but then seemingly sideways mention lots of ongoing issues: them being dismissive of your family, then excluding a friend from your holiday together, you needing to rely on them due to studying (?)

Original poster

Hippoh · 19/09/2020 20:37

Ok... my mother died more than a decade ago, I found out sil had been gossiping.. this was not hard for me to believe. I found this insulting. You could say I started the argument by saying it’s not ok, but how else do you handle a situation like that?
She was a bit embarrassed so then went on a ‘Patrick Stewart’ and embarrassed herself even more, then picked up a cake knife and went to stab my hand.
She obviously doesn’t want to admit any wrongdoing so is just pretending it didn’t happen but in doing so is lying to my husband.

My husband is a lightweight as mentioned... is doesn’t take a drama for him to get sleepy plus he works so hard.
Anyway... when said holiday was not on for my friend(family)... I cancelled. Hope this clarifies x

OP posts:

LovingLola · 19/09/2020 20:39

What’s a Patrick Stewart??

hypochondriaceveywhere · 19/09/2020 20:42

I'm even more confused so your SIL basically told someone your mother had died?

tableanadchairs · 19/09/2020 20:43

Mills & Boon special 😂

billybagpuss · 19/09/2020 20:43

What does your friend and son have to do with them gossiping about your mum?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/09/2020 20:44

Oh my god, it's real OP😐

You REALLY need to rethink the communications there. Holidays absolutely don't matter. You were threatend infront of your kids with no adult helping. Holidays are not the priority here.

myrtleWilson · 19/09/2020 20:45

Oh that clarifies everything OP - crystal clear now

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