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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cancel all the subscriptions and not pay the fees

61 replies

EXitplan · 19/09/2020 16:59

dp and I have separated

He's financially abusive He's also a master of gaslighting. Its took 3 years to get out. He took ever penny with him when he finally left.

I have the house (council) but things like the electricity, broadband etc are in his name so he can cancel any time he wants and holds it over me. I am paying all these things and he is paying £12 a week for the 2 kids (income 18k with covid and having no work for 4 months and lots of cash on hand going on) based on non covid years his salary is 30k and we live in Central Scotland.

Aibu to cancel all the things in his name or replace them and not pay the cancellation fees? I don't know if I will be liable for them or not but I can't live with having the threat of things being cancelled hanging over me.

If I set up electric and broadband in my name what will happen to the other contacts?

OP posts:

CareBear50 · 19/09/2020 18:13

You won't be liable for cancellation fees as you are not the account holder. However, you need to ensure your bank account details are removed from the accounts or speak to your bank about stopping the payments.

TatianaBis · 19/09/2020 18:18

You would have to pay cancellation fees for some things like broadband and the penalty may be the rest of the contract term.

I’d try to transfer them all to your name if you can. Given that it’s your name on the direct debit and you live at the billing and utilities address it may not be a problem.

NameChange564738 · 19/09/2020 18:19

You don’t need to ‘cancel’ those things, simply set up with a new provider in your name. There can only be one supplier of ele, it just gets taken over.

TatianaBis · 19/09/2020 18:20

@CareBear50

You won't be liable for cancellation fees as you are not the account holder.

I don’t know if it’s that clear cut, the account holder is normally the one paying for the contract.

fuandylp · 19/09/2020 18:21

Make a list of what all of these subscriptions are and phone each of the providers in turn and explain the situation. They will be able to give advice. This must happen all the time.
If you are unhappy with any of their suggestions - eg. saying you are liable for the cancellation fee, phone Citizens' Advice and ask.

But for the utilities at least, as I understand it, you would simply open an account in your name (stop the direct debit for the account in his name) and give meter readings.

TatianaBis · 19/09/2020 18:23

I think it depends whether OP can get into the accounts or not.

Customer services will not deal with her on the phone as she is not the account holder. If she can log in online and take her cards off the account, that should work.

If she can’t she may find herself stuck.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 19/09/2020 18:24

If you have online banking then you can cancel the direct debits. Ring up the suppliers and give them his address. No need to pay cancellation fees or any overdue amounts.

Just give them the meter readings and start from there.

You could also look at new suppliers as it might save you some money. Have a look at the Moneysavers forum.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 19/09/2020 18:24

I would stop paying if they're all in his name; let his credit go to hell.

When they finally stop it, then transfer it into your name and let him deal with the creditors for the over due bills.

Palavah · 19/09/2020 18:28

Is it your name and only your name on the tenancy, OP?

Viviennemary · 19/09/2020 18:31

I'd get advice from CAB as to the best way to go about it.

user1488141614 · 19/09/2020 18:33

When my sister in law split up from her husband she was in the same position as you. She needed to set up accounts for her the address under her name so she went onto money saving expert website (www.moneysavingexpert.com) and found the best price for her utilities and set up new accounts. She cancelled the direct debits on the other accounts as that was all she could do as she wasn’t the account holder so they wouldn’t speak to her. She did inform them all and explained that she was doing it (mostly via the chat function they usually have on their websites). She gave the address and his name but didn’t have a forwarding address. She wrote it all down, dated and signed it and posted it to his parents which was the only address she had and more than he deserved but she didn’t want him to be able to blame her in the future if any of the companies chased him for debts which he tried to pin on her. I helped her but it only took a couple of hours. Was really straightforward but we kept a note of it all, noted meter readings. We found that she struggled to remember details of everything because of the stress so having it all down in a notebook helped her keep track. You can totally do this and you need to so you’re in control of what’s going out of your account. She didn’t have to prove that he wasn’t living there anymore, they were just glad someone was signing up and was paying the bills! Good luck

MintyMabel · 19/09/2020 18:45

One thing to be careful of if you stop paying, the old provider might not all another provider take over the account if there is an outstanding debt on it. We had a huge problem with it when a tenant left. We had proof the bill had been paid but for some reason the provider said the account was outstanding and wouldn’t let us switch. Make sure the account is clear if you switch to another provider.

Banana0pancakes · 19/09/2020 18:46

You won't get cancellation fees for broadband, you would just take over the line as a new customer. His service would stop in his name and if he is in contract then he would get a nice bill for the remainder unless he transfers it to wherever he is now. It won't affect you at all so don't let him worry you.

Heffalooomia · 19/09/2020 18:48

so he can cancel any time he wants and holds it over me
and you can let him go on thinking that you believe him:)
when he realises and starts trying to find out what's going on just ignore him and refuse to engage or explain anything

Shizzlestix · 19/09/2020 19:02

You just contact the companies and change the bills to your name, there won’t be cancellation fees as long as you don’t swap companies during the contract.

Roguesausage · 19/09/2020 19:05

Say you're a new tenant.

filka · 19/09/2020 19:17

I don't think there are any cancellation fees for gas, electric or water, you just phone up and say the previous account holder has moved and you want to put the accounts into your name. They'll ask for a closing/opening meter reading and that's about all.

For the broadband, you may find that the same is possible if it's linked to the phone. And if you are offering to take over the remainder of the contract that might also help.

But I agree with one PP, just phone each one up and ask what you have to do as the previous account holder has moved.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/09/2020 19:26

@EXitplan

Thanks. I know I can do it but then he starts saying things that make me doubt myself.

I don't want to pay any cancellation fees I've little enough as it is.

Call the providers. Speak with them. Trust them not him

KylieKoKo · 19/09/2020 19:29

I feel like some posters here have never moved house before. You just need to tell them you now live there and they'll set up new accounts. You don't need his permission to do that.

fuandylp · 19/09/2020 19:43

I feel like some posters here have never moved house before. You just need to tell them you now live there and they'll set up new accounts. You don't need his permission to do that.

Absolutely. I've had this a couple of times when moving into a new rental property. Previous tenants left without dealing with any of the utilities and broadband etc. You phone up the utility company you wish to use and say that you live there now and that the person previously on the account has moved out. They will then deal with the previous person - in OP's case, the ex.

FinallyHere · 19/09/2020 19:44

Absolutely

Call them, give the meter reading, explain that he has moved out, you are now responsible. It will be up to him to pay the fees up til then.

As poor students, we used to do this when money was very tight, used someone else's name each time. They may be tighter these days. So long as you contact them, it will be fine.

Great idea from PP to write the details in a small log book. Especially the password you set up. I'd also keep a log on email.

All the best.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/09/2020 20:11

I had to do this when ex was being an arsehole about cancelling the sky/phone/broadband that I was paying but didnt want or need (never did imo, but what did I know?)

So I cancelled the DD, took out new broadband and a now TV package (saving me £60 a month as I got rid of the landline too) and when the letters started coming in I returned them with "Now residing at ...." on them.

He hit the fucking roof when the first letters came in demaning ££££ but he hadnt a leg to stand on as I had been asking him to cancel for months and warned him that if he didnt I would have to cancel the DD. As I had spent so much of our marriage on eggshells as he was violent, I really dont think he thought I would do it.

WRONG!

Heffalooomia · 19/09/2020 20:57

saying things that make me doubt myself
yup, that's a common modus operandi for these perpetrators.....

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/09/2020 21:05

I cant tell you how it feels when you are finally able to say "Fuck you" and do what you know to be right even though they are going all out to convince you that they are right.

Like the Sky thing I had with my ex. I think his anger had almost nothing to do with the fact that he now had several hundred pounds to pay but because I had dared to defy him. He spouted chapter and verse on The World According to Ex and declared myself no longer a member of his church!

LittleOwl153 · 19/09/2020 21:18

Make a list from your bank statement as to who you are paying. Is the account in your name or a joint one? It might be worth having a completely new account so ex can't mess with it.

If you come back with your lost we can help you work through it, find the numbers to call, help you find the best deals... or head over to the money saving boards or money-saving expert where loads of folks can help.

You are not on your own with this mess. It will take time to get your head clear of him but you will. Good luck!

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