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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL...

51 replies

Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 14:38

I fucking despise her.
I’m not going to go too much into it because her bad behaviour is so shocking it would probably be quite outing to talk about it but dear god, I cannot bear the toxic - -bitch- - witch

Does anyone have any tips for de stressing and forgetting about it because right now I’m visualising smacking the shit out of the cow at least 4 times a day...

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 19/09/2020 14:46

How often do you see her? Do you HAVE to see her? Because it's definitely not healthy to feel like that so regularly.

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 14:59

Hm, I see her maybe, two or three times a month?
Though I have decided from this day forward I am permanently sick/busy/tired whenever we are invited over.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2020 15:02

Where is your husband in all this? If she treats you terribly, what does he have to say about it?

Spindlicious · 19/09/2020 15:04

Just cut contact. I just stopped going when DH and DD went round. Always had an excuse. Was at work etc. Never invited them to ours. If they raised it DH just said “we’re just super busy” and changed the subject.

In then end I never saw them again but DH saw them regularly until his DF died. That just left his stoner Step mother and contact with her dried up by itself.

katy1213 · 19/09/2020 15:05

Three times a month is more than I see people I actually like! Disengage and let your husband deal with her. She's only your problem if you let her be.

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 15:05

Where is your husband in all this? If she treats you terribly, what does he have to say about it?
He hasn’t been on speaking terms with her now for a couple of weeks due to her toxic behaviour.
In the past she’s later apologised and he’s forgiven her, I imagine it’ll be the same scenario this time around!

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 19/09/2020 15:06

I’ve read some really specific posts on mumsnet and I never thought “oh yes I know who wrote that” so I don’t actually thing anyone’s stories are really outing

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 15:07

I’ve read some really specific posts on mumsnet and I never thought “oh yes I know who wrote that” so I don’t actually thing anyone’s stories are really outing
Perhaps but I don’t want to risk any aggravation.
I’m just here for a vent and rant really

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/09/2020 15:08

@Dogsarebetterthanpeople

Hm, I see her maybe, two or three times a month? Though I have decided from this day forward I am permanently sick/busy/tired whenever we are invited over.
Don't make silly excuses to her

Just tell her that due to her behaviour, you won't be seeing her anymore.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2020 15:09

You need to remove her from your life, and be very clear about doing so. No dramatics, no rowing, just tell your husband you will no longer have this toxicity in your life. He is welcome to visit her, but he needs to leave you out of it completely. He can no longer expect you to have anything to do with his mother.

Laaalaaaa · 19/09/2020 15:09

If you’re as aggressive in real life as you come across in your post it’s no wonder she doesn’t like you. How can you expect anyone to advise you when you throw in the pathetic ‘outing’ card?

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 15:11

Just tell her that due to her behaviour, you won't be seeing her anymore
So obvious and sensible and yet such a terrifying thought!
She’ll go absolutely batshit 😖
Ugh, then I’ll either crumble and cry or I’ll just completely fucking lose it.

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 19/09/2020 15:11

Agree with @Aquamarine1029

I have been NC with mine for several years now (but so has DH which makes it easier) and it’s heaven

LuckyAmy1986 · 19/09/2020 15:12

@Dogsarebetterthanpeople let her go batshit! You can too lol

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 15:13

If you’re as aggressive in real life as you come across in your post it’s no wonder she doesn’t like you. How can you expect anyone to advise you when you throw in the pathetic ‘outing’ card?
🤣
Ohhh, it’s comments like that that make me want to divulge some of the awful things she’s done.
You really couldn’t be any further from the truth.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2020 15:14

She’ll go absolutely batshit

So let her. If she wants to have a tantrum like a toddler and make a complete fool out of herself, that's on her. Who cares? Doesn't mean you have to listen to it.

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2020 15:14

@Dogsarebetterthanpeople

Just tell her that due to her behaviour, you won't be seeing her anymore So obvious and sensible and yet such a terrifying thought! She’ll go absolutely batshit 😖 Ugh, then I’ll either crumble and cry or I’ll just completely fucking lose it.
Yes and then it'll be over and done with and you'll both know where you stand.

It doesn't have to be a drama that drags on and on.

LuckyAmy1986 · 19/09/2020 15:16

It doesn't have to be a drama that drags on and on

This.

I let it go on for far too long and it severely impacted my mental health.

Mintjulia · 19/09/2020 15:20

Her name's not Thelma is it? One of my exes mother. Put me off dating anyone who still had a mother.

OP, if she doesn't have a key to your house, just block all communications and leave your dh to deal with her.

Original poster
Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 19/09/2020 15:23

Her name's not Thelma is it? One of my exes mother. Put me off dating anyone who still had a mother
It’s not, I’m sorry she made your relationship such a nightmare Flowers
Monster in laws seem a very common occurrence!

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 19/09/2020 15:26

Can you give a little bit of insight? I'm curious now Grin

Agree wit the above though. DH can see her if he chooses. Just keep yourself well clear

Lemming20 · 19/09/2020 15:31

I’m having exactly this situation. DH is such a kind soul and is lovely to MiL but she is an absolute witch. Overbearing, selfish, shrill, nothing like my lovely DH or his equally lovely dad. It started causing real problems with me and DH and got a lot LOT worse when our Dc were born. I have told DH she is his problem from now on and he should see her and get the kids to see her but I am going to hide in my room / be unavailable. I don’t have the head space for anyone who makes me feel as awful as she does. Good luck OP x

jackfruitz · 19/09/2020 15:32

Photos on a dartboard to throw darts at? Face in a pillow to punch? Grin I do greystoning with my narc of a MIL and that seems to work. DH suffers from FOG so never sticks up for me, even when she made racist remarks about me in front of him so no hope of ever going NC. Luckily we only have to tolerate her presence twice a year. DH commented how nice it is when my family and his dad’s family come to visit but why is it so stressful when his mum comes over Hmm

Sally872 · 19/09/2020 15:34

Just distance yourself from her. Step back, dont visit, be civil if you see her at family gatherings. If she tries to provoke you be extra polite and do not react. Will drive her insane.

Mary46 · 19/09/2020 15:46

Yeh put in a distance no visits. My mam can be controlling. We thought she would ring our hotel in case I lied I was going. I forgive but not forget. Keep your distance. My mother gets message when 0 visits. Families a joke. My mil is lovely. !!!