How well mannered is your 2 year old?

[Snipples]

This has bugged me so want to see what the general consensus is. I'm aware it's really not a big deal...

We took our 2 year old DD for breakfast yesterday (we're not in the UK in case that's relevant for any Covid police). 2 year old turned 2 in June so she's 2yrs 3months.

Waitress brings over crayons and coloring in for DD. Husband and I both say thanks and say "say thank you" to DD. DD is silent and in a shy mood. Waitress says to DD if you don't say the magic word you can't have the crayons and starts pulling the paper away. DD still silent and turns into me a little. I said thanks again and that DD feeling shy.

Thought no more of it. Waitress later brings over plate of food to table. Again DH and I thank her and toddler quiet. Waitress says under her breath "still no magic words huh" and walked off.

AIBU to be annoyed by this. We have taught DD to say please and thank you and she does usually say it, but sometimes she's very quiet with strangers and just won't speak.

What's normal for a 2yo? I'm now concerned that people think she doesn't have any manners. Or is that waitress just a bit OTT when she's already been thanked by two others at the table.

I don't think your DD is rude at all. She's 2 years old - she shouldn't have to say anything if she feels uncomfortable. I think the waitress was being OTT here. Maybe she wanted to interact with your child but did it the wrong way with your DD.

Its normal for a toddler to to say thank you, and its normal for them not to. The waitress was being ridiculous.

Sometimes they're angels, sometimes they're devils!

Nothing wrong with being shy. Sounds like a perfectly normal 2 yr old.

The waitress was being a dick!

My son is three, someone said hello to him the other day and he hissed at them in reply.

Oh thank you! I was a bit nervous throwing this out to AIBU. That's made me feel better.

We do make a big effort to teach her good manners, and she normally does say thank you herself without being prompted (but needs to be in the right mood!)

Maybe this waitress isn't used to very young children.

Yes she had completely unrealistic expectations. DD is a few months older, and very sociable. In that situation on a good day she'd whisper thank you, but likely not with a stranger. She does sometimes say please and thank you without prompting at home, but it's rare enough for now.

The waitress was being horrid. Even with an older child that would have been Unnecessarily snarky. Many children at that age are very shy with strangers. I went to a gymnastics class where the toddlers had to say their name in the circle. By 3 there were still a fair number that were too shy to say anything despite it being very familiar. The teacher didn’t mind but always made a big deal of the shy ones when they did speak. There is also a massive difference between 2 and 3 months and an older 2 year old. The change in my daughter during the 2s was huge.

If you and DH use please and thank you regularly DD will learn to use it. I remember my MIL flagging up that my DS hadn't said thank you, I was annoyed when I realised her 3 adult sons, his uncles never thanked her for anything she did for them Grrrrr!

The waitress was being ridiculous. A lot of 2 year olds can only say a few words and even the ones that could say thank you would probably be shy or still learning how to use it.

Ha @Straven123 don't get me started on my MIL! Anytime we have video calls with them they have the most ridiculously unrealistic expectations of what DD can say and do and get all mock concerned when she doesn't.

The other grandchildren are not exactly advanced either! But mine are the only grandchildren that are not via one of the daughters and therefore any issue is pointed out immediately and often!!

Waitress was out of line. My LB is a few months older than your little one, and he is very chatty and sociable but even he probably wouldn't say thank you to a stranger in a restaurant, even with us prompting him to.

"If you and DH use please and thank you regularly DD will learn to use it"

But all children, particularly under 7, still have strops, bouts of shyness, get over tired/excited ect and refuse to go through social niceties.

It should be enough for serving staff that young children aren't a bother, as long as the Parents are polite.

There’s only one person showing bad manners in this scenario, and it’s not your DD!

Doesn’t the waitress know she should make customers feel welcome?! Not that it’s too much hassle to come back.

My DD is 3 years old next month and is so good with please and thank yous at home. Being in UK I won't know how she is out at restaurants in recent months but I can imagine she would be far too shy to! The waitress was being a little rude. Ignore her!!

The waitress was horrid. My daughter could have understood and spoken at this age but quite likely would have been too shy. My son who is almost two but is tall so looks much older can't yet say please or thank you. I would have been rude back in her tip!

I think that a lot of people don’t actually know how to tell how old children are; and therefore expect them to do much more than they can.

Many two year olds don’t really say much at all!

Thank you all. I feel much better now. You have all just confirmed what I thought.

I think that’s appalling behaviour by the waitress. She’s not there to police customer’s manners!

Yes the waitress was horrible. I’m a bit paranoid about my kids having good manners and they have had it drummed into them to say please and thank you automatically...at 5 and 3 they do so about 75% of the time when they are not either sulking or completely distracted with something. I automatically favour other kids that show genuine good manners and I notice that other adults are more inclined to be nice to my kids when they say please and thank you. Its just nice to show appreciation! Your 2 year old will grow up to be polite so don’t worry!

My 2 year old (2 years and 7 months) says thank you to me 9/10 times (please is more 5/10, we're working on her demanding behaviours ) but won't always say it to strangers when prompted.. it's normal. They are 2 and still learning.

Your DD was not the one with bad manners in this situation!

My DD didn't speak at 2yo 3mo so the waitress would have been waiting a long time to get a thank you out of her. They were the one being rude, not your daughter.

She's only 2, FFS! Totally normal. My DD is 7 and we still have to remind her. The waitress was probably just grumpy and had dealt with loads of kids that day!

Speech and Language Therapist here. One of my bugbears is adults who are obsessed with children saying please and thank you. They are useless filler words which don't benefit a toddler in any way. Teach your child to say things which aid communication like 'more', 'stop', 'food', 'toilet', 'drink', 'again' etc.

If you model saying please and thank you in front of your child, they will start to use them spontaneously like every other word.

My son is almost 21 months and isn't speaking any intelligible words, apart from "no"
He is seeing a salt next week actually.
We always try to model good manners but he just wouldn't say please or thank you because he can't yet.
I would've been furious if the waitress said that.

I know times are hard and she probably needs the job, but, what a cow of a waitress. If you're not hospitable, don't work in hospitality.