How well mannered is your 2 year old?

[Snipples]

This has bugged me so want to see what the general consensus is. I'm aware it's really not a big deal...

We took our 2 year old DD for breakfast yesterday (we're not in the UK in case that's relevant for any Covid police). 2 year old turned 2 in June so she's 2yrs 3months.

Waitress brings over crayons and coloring in for DD. Husband and I both say thanks and say "say thank you" to DD. DD is silent and in a shy mood. Waitress says to DD if you don't say the magic word you can't have the crayons and starts pulling the paper away. DD still silent and turns into me a little. I said thanks again and that DD feeling shy.

Thought no more of it. Waitress later brings over plate of food to table. Again DH and I thank her and toddler quiet. Waitress says under her breath "still no magic words huh" and walked off.

AIBU to be annoyed by this. We have taught DD to say please and thank you and she does usually say it, but sometimes she's very quiet with strangers and just won't speak.

What's normal for a 2yo? I'm now concerned that people think she doesn't have any manners. Or is that waitress just a bit OTT when she's already been thanked by two others at the table.

I think the waitress - who was presumably quite a bit older than two - needs to work on her manners!

DS is totally inconsistent on this - some days he would say it unprompted, others he would go shy and totally silent with a stranger. Yesterday he went straight up to another child in the playground and said hello and then, 10 minutes later, when a woman waved at him burst into tears and hid his face. He's not socially consistent; he's two!

I think it’s so important to teach children to say please and thank you as soon as they can talk, but at 2yrs old, although nice to hear, they are really just saying these words because they want to please you and not because they have good manners as such. So if your toddler doesn’t want to thank someone because sometimes they feel too shy to talk it really doesn’t matter, because to them they’re just words with not much meaning to them. Ignore the waitress.

Waitress was being a bitch. If any stranger talks to my 2 year old he screams "noooo" at them these days. Wouldn't even chance a restaurant with him. So your child sounds perfectly lovely.

Yeah she was fine, she's 2 and you are modelling the right behaviour for her so she will when she's older.
I hate the "magic word" thing, I've never used that phrase and I remember someone saying "what's the magic word then?!" To my ds when he was about 4 and he looked so confused and said "erm...abracadabra?!?" 😂😂😂

YANBU! How weird that she turned it into ‘a thing’ and mentioned it a second time, it’s none of her business what your DD does and doesn’t say.

My DD turned 3 earlier this year, we try model good manners (as do nursery) but they’re still learning. She still sometimes Vera please and thankyou mixed up I have a 6yo DS that is a lovely friendly boy and his teacher commented on the gate only the other day how lovely his manners are - but I occasionally have to remind him too, if he’s distracted or whatever he’ll sometimes not say thankyou - no one is perfect.

^^gets, not Vera! Not sure where Vera came from

Waitress was BU. I'm a waitress myself and, tbf, it does annoy me when older children aren't even prompted to say thank you at any point during the meal. If they are prompted but too shy that is understandable and I always feel a bit bad for the parents because they look embarrassed and they really shouldn't be, kids are shy with strangers, it's fine.

But getting arsey because a toddler didn't say thank you is ridiculous, she was very rude. Sometimes you can have a bit of banter with customers, perhaps she was trying to do this but overstepped the mark? Also, as a server, you regularly come across parents who expect you to parent their children. Many times I've been asked to tell a child to eat their food or sit down nicely because "they will listen to you" perhaps she thought she was being helpful.

Either way she was unreasonable not you or your 2yo.

My 2yo is my little parrot, shes always telling people to "have nice day" and loves talking to people. Pleases and thank yous come.naturally to her at home but out and about she will say it with encouragement. However she does sometimes go shy and that's totally fine. The waitress was being ott

Our not yet two year old is just learning ‘pees’ and ‘tanka’. When in Dorset this summer the waitress in a pub brought her food over, we said ‘what do you say?’. She then - loudly - pointed to her highchair and yelled HELP! STUCK! RESCOOOOOOO! 🤦🏻‍♀️

My dd wasn't talking by that age so the waitress would have been waiting A LONG time Yes seems an overstep from the waitress, at that age perfectly find for you to say her manners on her behalf

DS isn't two until November but always says thank you (or kyou or ankyoo) he says please most of the time, if he's really excited about whatever it is he wants her might not, but he's told to say please and not given what he wants until he does.
However that's a parenting task not one for a random waitress

Waitress clearly hasn’t spent much time around toddlers, and/or was having a bad day.

DS wouldn’t speak at all if he didn’t feel like it at 2, especially around curious or disapproving strangers. When the HV (new, rather silly, and nervous) came to do his two-year check and got into his space, he didn’t say a word the whole time, and because he was organising his toy cars into rows in total silence by his toy kitchen, she started to make noises about autism markers (I know, I know), until, shortly before she left, DS raised his head, gave me a weary look, and said very clearly ‘Mummy, could you get this lady out of my kitchen, please?’

She’s two! She’s way too young to be consistent with please and thank you. You’re doing the right thing by laying the groundwork with her but I wouldn’t expect her to be regular with her manners for ages. The waitress was being totally OTT and ill-mannered herself.

What a rude waitress. I really dislike the 'magic word'. Would she have asked an adult who didn't say thank you what the magic word is?
Yes we should encourage good manners but through modelling and praise.

She probably thought she was being helpful; unfortunately not!

She's only two! One of mine was very chatty and would have done all please and thank you at that age. The other one (2 and a half now) does not talk on demand! He does say thank you and please, but in those circumstances I think he would have given the waitress the full paddington or screamed .

I'm sure she was just following your lead though, the waitress, and perhaps trying to be helpful. Bit much though. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of recent experience with toddlers.

Sorry he does say thank you and please, but only when he wants to. It isn't reliable.

the waitress was rude. I would've said to her that children do not usually respond well to micro aggressions

That's utterly ridiculous, YNBU at all OP.
As someone suggested maybe the waitress was just unfamiliar with young children.
My DD is almost 3, she is very polite but painfully shy and wouldn't say thank you either in this situation nor would I expect her to until she's much older

@uglyface 😂😂😂 toddlers are great!

Waitress was BU and rude. Would she have commented on an adult's manners like that? Probably not to their face. My DS is nearly 2. He has never said please or thank you because he can't say those words yet. He will soon (hopefully) because he hears them so often but jaysus the waitress had weird expectations.

She's 2.

People should lower their expectations.

My two are embarrassingly well mannered at almost 3 and almost 5 but the eldest at was a demon biter who wailed and didn't speak!

The little one at 2 years 3 months probably wouldn't have said thank you without a prompts from me and even then it would be as when he chose!

The waitress was being a dick, id have said "my child is just 2, please don't expect things off them that are not appropriate for their age"

My ds is 3 in January, and has a good grasp of please and thank you, says it to us without prompting a good proportion of the time. Hes also very outgoing and confident. But its still 50/50 as to whether he would say thank you to a stranger in a strange place, even with one of us prompting him. Its fine, he has shy moments, if he won't say it at the time, we just say 'oh dear, he's having a shy moment, not to worry ds', we'll say thank you for him, and model good behaviour that way. I have no concerns about his manners, or his shyness in that scenario, its pretty normal as far as I can tell.

So rude of the waitress...some two year olds say thank you, some don't. Vast majority of parents will say thank you for them