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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified of another national lockdown **Trigger Warning**

36 replies

Noti23 · 18/09/2020 23:56

I don’t think I can cope with another one. I’ve been through some challenges before so I’m not some over emotional snowflake, E.g. was raped and went to high court (was told I was asking for it), cheated on, very close family member has schizophrenia (the last few years have been awful). But lockdown presented the worst time of my life. My dad died of Covid and I couldn’t access any family support while caring for my toddler. I’m in my early 20s and I honestly didn’t think I’d make it to my mid twenties during this time. I felt so hopeless, I buried myself in alcohol. I am prone to low moods anyway but the level of hopelessness and depression I felt pushed me over the edge.

I’m terrified of being taken back to this place. As soon as i could see my family I felt better. Does anyone understand where I’m coming from? I can’t cope anymore

OP posts:
SheepandCow · 19/09/2020 00:02

I'm really sorry you've struggling so much.
In your situation seeing your family would count as receiving essential care or support. There's a need for measures against Covid (to prevent us being in this situation again in December) but exceptions are necessary too. You need support and that's allowed.

FourFlapjacksPlease · 19/09/2020 00:06

Continue to see your family. You deserve support and are in a vulnerable position. There are lots of things you can do to reduce your risk of spreading Covid but I think isolating yourself shouldn't be one of them.

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time Thanks

GoldfishParade · 19/09/2020 00:09

Could you consider making plans to move in with someone before another lockdown happens? A family member? Or depending on your circumstances and the people you know, moving a friend in, or renting a place with a close friend?

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 19/09/2020 00:10

Continue seeing your family.

Baybetterdays · 19/09/2020 00:12

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd

Continue seeing your family.

This!!!

PickAChew · 19/09/2020 00:15

Yes, even where mixing households has already been banned, you can still visit to support someone vulnerable, which you are.

pickingdaisies · 19/09/2020 00:17

You've had a rubbish time, of course you aren't being unreasonable! You have a genuine reason to continue seeing your family, so don't stop. Keep seeing them. I hope things get better for youFlowers

PicsInRed · 19/09/2020 00:23

It should be emphasised that those in dire mental health situations should continue to have contact with and receive support from family and friends. This needs to be made clearer, rather than being buried in "care to the vulnerable".

The possibility of COVID is not equal to suicide (in some) and/or mental collapse. Look after yourself. 💐

Feelingconfused2020 · 19/09/2020 00:27

Are you single? In which case now you are entitled to a support bubble. My mum is single and was in her own for that first period of lockdown. She hated it and I now regret not breaking the rules to protect her mental health. None of us were going anywhere else and if we had been more organised she could have just moved in with us anyway. She's in our support bubble now and that won't be changing.

Please protect yourself by continuing to see family.

Also my condolences on the death of your dad. If you are in your twenties be must have been quite young. I cant actually believe anyone voted yabu!!

Original poster
Noti23 · 19/09/2020 00:30

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I would love to keep seeing my family but I also can’t afford any hefty fines for breaking the rules. I have a partner so I feel like I have no grounds to complain. A lot of my family spent 3 months without seeing a soul, including my poor 80 year old gran, I feel like I don’t have real grounds to complain other than being in the same situation as many other families. The only issue is I know I can’t do it again, it sounds stupid but I feel like I have some kind of anxiety issues resulting from that time.

Does anyone else just feel like they’re not the same person since lockdown?

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 19/09/2020 00:32

@Noti23 you're not alone. It completely fucked my head up

Original poster
Noti23 · 19/09/2020 00:36

@GoldfishParade

I’m so sorry you feel like this too. I just don’t feel normal anymore and it’s horrible

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 19/09/2020 00:36

I'm sorry you've had a hard time. I pray there won't be another but if there is can you plan ahead to make things easier on yourself.
I'm definitely not the same person after this I lost my DM of covid too even with that aside it has changed me.
Stay strong OP.
It will pass thing's always get better try to focus on the good things. Flowers

Waitingforthehammertofallll · 19/09/2020 00:41

OP ,YADNBU. I'm so sorry about your dad. I'm very anxious too and can relate to that part of it. You've been through hell of a lot ,no wonder you feel like this. Keep posting on here and we can support you!!

Kljnmw3459 · 19/09/2020 00:46

Yanbu. I managed ok with the lockdown but I don't think it's the right thing to do at this point.

Ding123 · 19/09/2020 00:50

Yanbu OP. There are many of us terrified of another lockdown. The first one triggered MH issues in one of my DC, and the normality we've had this month has really helped. If school closes I'm not sure how we will cope but the psychologist DC is under (indirectly) said spending time again with family is helping DC so we ought to try and continue that with non vulnerable members. I'm sorry but my child's mental health is more important to me than Corona so I will be breaking the rules if I have to.

Stay strong OP.

KenAdams · 19/09/2020 01:03

Can you make a bubble with someone?

Icanflyhigh · 19/09/2020 01:04

Definitely not BU at all, you need to be able to access the support of your family x

Needhelp101 · 19/09/2020 01:14

You are not alone, OP. Keep seeing your family.
I broke quarantine (once) because I was genuinely terrified I was going to kill myself.

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 19/09/2020 01:37

Op if this is how you feel, if there is another lockdown you need to break it to see your family. We are human beings and we should not be holding tightly to the rules at the detriment of our own mental health, especially when we know the people who are making the rules are not respecting them themselves.

I know I'll get dragged for saying this by the pearl clutchers, but just because a virus is here doesn't mean all other health related problems disappear and sometimes it's okay to prioritize other health problems.

I have been in a place where my mental health was so poor I started drinking every day and I never want to be there again Flowers

BatShite · 19/09/2020 01:44

Yeah, continue seeing your family tbh. Currently you can use 'support bubble; as a reason but really, even if they removed that from the list of (nonsensical..) exemptions, if its affecting your mental health badly, do it. I would. And I don't really care if peope thought me doing so was selfish either. Its not them having to live inside my head. And I fail to see how meeting one or two people will bring around the extinction of the human race, like some appear to try to make out!

Anyway, the virus is only dangerous after 10pm. Do it before then and you will be fine! Wink

BatShite · 19/09/2020 01:47

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I would love to keep seeing my family but I also can’t afford any hefty fines for breaking the rules.

Given the police apparently have not got the resources to investigate (or even visit) burglaries and even assaults sometimes, I fail to see how they will have the time to swan arund fining people a hundred quid for daring to see their parents. I am sure a couple of people will be unlucky 'examples' made (not the large groups of drunk men though, will be things such as a family birthday party with an extra grandparent, who was reported by the jumping for joy in excitement neighbour..), but not many at all.

Also getting caught requires some twat you know reporting you for having a cuppa with family really..so with a bit of luck, the neighbours aret nosy twats?

Famousinlove · 19/09/2020 02:10

Are there rules against meeting family in outside spaces?
If not you could meet in the garden or at the park, failing that go to the pub or restaurant with them, that's allowed

CSIblonde · 19/09/2020 03:58

It's definitely affected my depression. I'd try to not have more than the odd drink tho, alcohol is a depressant. I've found my mood way better without alcohol. Also have a Tel appt with your GP & see if anti depressants for the short term are an idea. Can you Skype your family daily if we go back to lockdown? Have coffee morning each day over Skype etc .

BameChange123 · 19/09/2020 04:28

There is an "exemption " declaration you can download from. gov.UK (for not wearing facemasks) print it out carry it with you as an amulet. Seriously just go and see your family. I've not seen my 80 yo mum and aunt since November. Am going to travel 250+ miles next week to visit them (on train&tube) stay in hotel nearby for 4 days. Happy to talk to them from a distance. Their MH has taken a beating due to isolation and due to their age so I've decided I will go, take precautions etc. If I get fined £100 for that, I will accept the consequences. in

OP in the unlikely case you got fined £100 for seeing your family under your circumstances i am sure supportive MN-ers here would chip in if you could not afford it? I am sure fines can be paid in instalments too....