This may be long and complicated but I'll try and be as concise and to the point as I can.
My mum has had this friend she has known since the 60s so they go back a long way. She has always been a strange sort, takes offence very easily, dramatic, interfering, deliberately trying to goad people. I remember her visiting regularly when I was a child and she used to speak toy brother and I quite sharply and snap at us. If we were misbehaving or up to mischief she'd shout in out faces and constantly complain about us to our mum "she's just done this, she's just done that" so my mum would tell us off and she'd be all smug. My mum was aware she was a difficult character but nonetheless it was her friend so we tolerated her through the years. She has never had DC of her own and always seemed to see my brother and I as an inconvenience when she came to visit, overly strict, intolerant and irritable with us. My mum did make it clear to her though that we were her kids and came first and she has to accept that if she was to spend time at our house. She just seemed a bit embittered regarding children. She'd say "get out the way" and "shut up" and things like that.
Safe to say I never really liked her but we were always courteous as a children. We were intimidated by her I think !
Fast forward years later to me having my own son after an awful long labour and emergency CS after he got into difficulty. Mum rang her to say I'd had him but I'd had a rough time. She wanted to visit me in hospital but my mum declined this as she knew I wouldn't want her there. I only wanted DH and my mum visiting. She took the hump massively and said she's practically family so should be there to see the new baby. Mum said she'd WhatsApp her a photo of me holding my ds. She never replied to the text. Mum said herself that she's in a huff and said "you know she can be a funny one, don't worry" . I hadn't got the energy or tolerance for her childish emotional blackmail and games.
I was enraged ( a mix of exhaustion and hormones) and rang her and gave her a piece of my mind saying she had no right to make demands, she wasn't especially nice to me as a kid so why would I want her there. It culminated in an epic row where she told me "you're a fat cow, you'll do no good, you're mental " plus other insults. I slammed the phone down. Told my mum ,she was appalled. Said she wanted no more contact with her. No contact for 8 years. I vowed never to let her near DS. I never wanted to see her again. I suffered mild depression and anxiety during my pregnancy and it got worse after the birth so these negative feelings compounded and left me feeling shaken and unsettled. It was all about her and what she wanted, she was very demanding and selfish.
So last week through the grapevine mum has heard she has been in hospital and is quite ill. She's 10 years older than my mum so getting on a bit Mum has phoned her and said it was lovely to chat "it was as if nothing had ever happened" and as the friends DH has recently died mum said she is welcome to come and stay and mum can help look after her!!! I couldn't believe it, as if my mum's memory has been erased and she's forgotten how vile she was to me!!
The friend has not offered any apology to me ,she's asked my mum how I am and how old is my DS now and she would love to see him. After the way she treated me I don't think so!!!!
I want nothing to do with her. I don't want my DS near her. She is toxic and unhinged. My mum is acting like nothing ever happened.
I've argued with my mum over it and asked her where her loyalties lie. She said I'm ridiculous. I probably am, I don't know!!? If someone had treated one of my DC like that I'd be livid !!!!
Just seems bad that she can waltz back into our lives oblivious to the hurt she caused.
Sorry it's long. I wanted to provide as much background info as possible.