School dinners

[FrenchtoEnglish]

I suppose this is a bit of a moan really.

DD just started school. We're in France. We're vegetarian. The school has said I can either bring her home for lunch (2 hours) or I can provide a meal which they will heat up.

The problem is, they want the meals I bring in to match what the others are having. So today, I took in Greek salad for starter, then vegetable tajine with lentil meatballs and a chocolate mousse. They were having Greek salad, chicken tajine and chocolate mousse. It was a great big faff.

I work from home, so although I love having her with me, it kind of messes up my day and I'm behind on my work and having to do it in the evening when she's in bed. I'm a single mum and so we need my income. I'm exhausted. I've been bringing her home every day so far, today was the first time she tried out the cantine. I just don't know if I can be doing with that every day.

This just seems like a big faff. When I was at school in UK (30 years ago) veggie meals were provided.

This just seems like a big pain in the arse and I'm a bit cross about it.

She's only three. There are 6 children in her class. Eighty in the whole school. I worry that she won't be "in" with them or find friends if I bring her home for lunch. She'll be like the little English weirdo whose mum picks her up in the middle of the day.

WWYD?

I imagine you feed your children meat. They have no choice in that. Have I got that right? No. If my child decided they didn't want to eat meat then I would feed them vegetarian food. Well, I would cook vegetarian about four nights a week as my child is 14 and could cook for himself if he wanted. Does your three year old want to eat food from home instead of the regular school dinners?

@pluiedeprintemps "Abats" though! 🤮

Oh yeah - at my lycée in the south west we got foie gras for Christmas meals too.... and things like pied de veau or riz de veau and even once rognons blanc ...

I don't know any French secondary schools which offer vegetarian meals. It's just not a thing. I've never heard anyone complain about it until today.

@FrenchtoEnglish is your sister in the 9-3 ?

@whirlwindwallaby There's a big difference between 3 and 14 though, isn't there? If my DD decides later down the line to eat meat then I'll have done my best to teach her what I feel is morally right... and the rest will be up to her.
A young infant can't decide whether or not they want to eat meat because it wouldn't be particularly nice for parents to tell them what's involved in the process. The parent makes the decision. Just like the parent makes the decision about how many sweets they eat, when they brush their teeth, when they go to bed, what books they read. You do your best... and then it's up to them.

@pluiedeprintemps 92. :-)

In our village, the menu for the whole term was on a board on the wall at the entry to the playground. That way the parents could see and plan their meals so as not to duplicate.

I used to live in 94. Happy times! And 75010, even better!

There's a big difference between 3 and 14 though, isn't there? He's 14 now, but if he had decided at three he didn't want to eat meat then I would have cooked vegetarian food for him.

@FrenchtoEnglish
See I was imagining some bobo school in Montreuil having more vegetarian food - and a lot of 9-3 communes have a lot more vegetarian meals anyway because it circumnavigates the Porc/laïcité issue in banlieue. I ( in a admittedly narrow minded way) rather expected the 9-2 to still have fish on Fridays... etc etc

I wish as much care & thought went into uk school meals. But yanbu OP, there should be a vegetarian option.

@FrenchtoEnglish

I’m rue du paradis 75010!

I was rue Cail. :-) Lots of veggie food on that street! They're in Vincennes. I think the school does it for health/environmental reasons. I'm sure it's fish on a Friday.

I can't believe they make Greek salads and chicken tagines for small children. When I was in my little English primary and secondary schools, they'd make us bog standard fish fingers with chips and boiled vegetables

@whirlwindwallaby That's very good of you. Presumably though, cooking vegetarian food doesn't go against your ethical beliefs? You perhaps wouldn't have let him burn frogs or kick dogs or bite the cat or go to Scientology club if that's what he'd decided he wanted to do. There must have been some sort of guidance you gave him which reflected your own ethical code? Or was he allowed to make all his own decisions from day one?

I imagine you feed your children meat. They have no choice in that. Have I got that right? You impose that on them. So, logically, your children, should they choose to be vegetarian in the future, will be more angry with you for having forced them to eat animals than the other way around?

Although I offer my children meat as part of their meal, I don't force them to eat it, they absolutely have choice. And I've certainly never banned them from eating the vegetarian option at school or elsewhere if they want to eat it!

Does your child want to stay and eat the school dinner? If so, then why not let her.

You don't have to cook the school dinners supplied though, just let your child make their own decision. A better comparison is that I buy milk, eggs, and meat from small local farms. We don't eat a lot of meat, or processed foods at home. Idon't control what my child eats out of the home though. When he's gone to a friend's house, camps, wherever, he eats what there is. At parties he has eaten the sweets he wants. He has always chosen his own books from the school or local library.

What you cooked sounds nice, however if you are so worried about her being excluded because of having lunch at home there is as much chance she will be excluded for her eating different food.
And no, most sensible meat eaters don't impose their beliefs on their children. They offer a wide variaty of food types and a child can decide if they like it or not. You do impose your beliefs and associated food restrictions on your child. It is your child, as long as you provide her with a nutritious meal it is non of other people's business what she eats.
You are unreasonable in expecting a school dinner lady to provide a vegetarian option just for your child if it is not what majority of parents want.

Ugh. Vegetarians imposing their beliefs of their children. Not like meat eaters I.pkse their beliefs on their children? Or Christians taking their kids to church? No. If you feed your kid meat then you're imposing your beliefs on them. Maybe dont give them meat until they can understand the ethics of the meat industry and choose to contribute to the abuse of animals themselves?

I'm amazed they're not providing vegetarian food for your daughter, doesn't seem reasonable at all. I'd question it again but I'd not be matching their meal plan, maybe just make it look kind of the same.

@mrsm43s Well, that's where we differ then, isn't it? I don't offer my DD meat or fish. It goes against my moral code. I will teach her MY moral code because that's all I know. Everyone does what I do. I would ask another parent to respect my choices. I don't offer her bible reading at home and I don't want her being offered it outside of my home. I dont offer her make-up/princess dresses/toy ironing boards in my home. I won't let her play video games, get her ears pierced, or ride her bike without a helmet. Like I've said before, there's a load of stuff I do and don't do. It's called bringing up children. I just get the feeling that if this was a religious choice, rather than an ethical one, we wouldn't be having this argument. If I said my DD is Jewish, but the local school won't accomodate her or her friend's mum keeps offering her bacon, we'd be seeing different responses on here.

God it's amazing how angry some people get at the notion of vegetarian children. I presume these people say the same when someone in the office talks about their child's Communion or baptism.

We are talking about a 3 year old here. Three year olds make very few of their own decisions. They can cope with this restriction for a few years and if they decide they want to stuff their face with chicken nuggets as an adult, I'm sure OP isn't going to try ban them from doing that.

[quote FrenchtoEnglish]@mrsm43s Well, that's where we differ then, isn't it? I don't offer my DD meat or fish. It goes against my moral code. I will teach her MY moral code because that's all I know. Everyone does what I do. I would ask another parent to respect my choices. I don't offer her bible reading at home and I don't want her being offered it outside of my home. I dont offer her make-up/princess dresses/toy ironing boards in my home. I won't let her play video games, get her ears pierced, or ride her bike without a helmet. Like I've said before, there's a load of stuff I do and don't do. It's called bringing up children. I just get the feeling that if this was a religious choice, rather than an ethical one, we wouldn't be having this argument. If I said my DD is Jewish, but the local school won't accomodate her or her friend's mum keeps offering her bacon, we'd be seeing different responses on here.[/quote]
Fine, your child your choices. But you're complaining that the school won't completely change their menu/cook something special just for your one child to suit your choice. Why should they? The consequences of your choice are for you to deal with.

They've offered three options - eat the meal provided, make your own version of the meal provided which they will reheat/serve or take your DD home for lunch. Choose whichever one of those you want, you have 3 perfectly reasonable options.

@Iwonder08 If you offer meat to a child in your home, you are teaching them that it's OK to eat meat. You might not be forcing them to eat it, just as I don't force my DD to eat mushrooms (because she can spot them no matter how hard I try to hide them). But it's your way of doing things. You are giving your children a code to live by. We eat chicken, we wear our seatbelt, we don't bite, we see grandma once a week, we wear masks, we have presents on our birthday, we don't push to the front of queues. .. However you choose to do things as parents become your children's education. I just don't get the logic of what you're saying at all.

Glad I ain't in France