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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to want to be prepared for MIL from hell?

41 replies

tryingharder92 · 18/09/2020 13:38

We’re seeing my parents in law later for the first time in months. They (in particular mil) are experts at having little digs. Things that on their own aren’t all that bad.
She will say ‘oh I shared that lovely picture of your dd and I got so many more likes that you’. Or ‘Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did’
I have my husband primed that he is to keep an eye on what is said as he normally isn’t paying enough attention. But I need a few come backs tucked up my sleeve. Help me Mumsnet!!

OP posts:
Sunnydaysstillhere · 18/09/2020 13:42

Leave the lot to dh. Say your phone is on the blink. Photos from dh only. Gifts he can sort. Any criticism needs to go direct to him then. Though you know its will be praise only.. In laws most certainly never had my mobile number... Bloody hell no..

LouiseTrees · 18/09/2020 13:43

To she must of spent more “ or she values cheap quantity over expensive quality”. To the more likes “ I expect my friends maybe have more to do in their lives than your geriatric set, for example working, guess that accounts for the difference right?”

SantaClaritaDiet · 18/09/2020 13:44

smile, nod "that's nice" and move on.

It's only a competition if you make it one. If it goes straight over your head, she is wasting her time.

Make a game of it in your head if you must, and count the digs or save the best one of the day.

mbosnz · 18/09/2020 13:44

Play MIL bingo. Get your DH playing it. It actually makes them a lot more aware of what to look out for, and if you take a good big sip every time you get a hit, you'll get nice and toasty, and either tell her what you think, or just find it hilarious, in no time.

Seriously, that's what I did when my mother was going through one of her more painful phases. . . Wine Grin

Venicelover · 18/09/2020 13:45

How rude and unnecessary. Let DH listen and take in those remarks and he will probably be so surprised and make a comment that will shut her up.

SebastianTheCrab · 18/09/2020 13:47

Can you try and pivot everything to your DH so a) she the ends up criticising him and b) he pays closer attention?

E.g. the pic of DD "oh DH loved that pic/took that pic/chose that pic"

"Oh DH chose/bought/thought you'd like those particular flowers"

Even if it's not true you could - maybe even tell him in advance so he can play along and also see how she reacts when she realises she's inadvertently criticised him?

Aquamarine1029 · 18/09/2020 13:48

Her: Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did.

You: Well isn't she just the most amazing person in the entire world! I really wish I could be more like Betty!

I would hyper-agree with every fucking ridiculous thing she says. Every time.

WeeWelshWoman · 18/09/2020 13:49

Love the MIL bingo and pivot ideas. Making notes for myself :)

AnxMummy10 · 18/09/2020 13:50

I think you need to let dh hear this but as it's his first time that he will be aware, it's unlikely he will do anything.
You also need to put her in her place because she will try this if you are alone if you only let your dh handle this. She needs to know you wont tolerate it either.

Agree with pp above that you need to turn it around on her- your friends are much more interested in letting you know personally than on facebook etc.
Say it with a smile but directly at her.

The thing is with people like these, the ignore them method doesnt work. It's almost like a challenge to them that they are not getting to you and their attempts get nastier over time.

Nip it in the bud.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 18/09/2020 13:53

My mum's a bit like this. I'd say "why are you trying to make a competition out of it?" It makes her embarrassed when I point it out.

nevermorelenore · 18/09/2020 14:15

When she makes a dig say "sorry, what was that?" and make her repeat it. It might help DH pick up on it more. Or have a secret signal. Me and DH have one for when a certain family member is being overbearing. Its just a fun way for us to cope with it.

Oldraver · 18/09/2020 14:27

Ahhh people like this are annoying. With me it's my Mum.I sent her a picture of teen DS who she hadn't seen in over a year. The next three times she phoned she whittled on about his spots. He had grown and changed so much they were much more pleasant things she could of said

I was on guard for 'spotgate' when she came but she waited until I was out of the room to say something. Luckily DS1 (adult) headed her off and said it wasn't a pleasant thing to say

My folks had always been so unpleasant about physical features growing up I didnt wnat her to start on DS

Original poster
tryingharder92 · 18/09/2020 14:36

Some great suggestions. Thank you everyone. I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about today. The biggest thing is breastfeeding. They think my son is far too old to be feeding. Say it's no better than formula and it is teaching my son to be obsessed with breasts!! He's 10 months old! Stupid people!!

OP posts:
Comtesse · 18/09/2020 14:42

Well you could be reasonable and say “mm yes but it works for us” or mess with her a bit and say you were thinking of stopping by the time your son gets to secondary school.

2bazookas · 18/09/2020 14:44

Bigger flowers "Betty loves you more than I do".
More likes " I didn't know you had any friends".

titchy · 18/09/2020 14:45

Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did’

'She probably likes you more than I do'

oh I shared that lovely picture of your dd and I got so many more likes that you

'That's because my life isn't as shallow as yours.'

titchy · 18/09/2020 14:46

Say it's no better than formula and it is teaching my son to be obsessed with breasts!!

'Oh that must explain why dh is a vulva man and not a breasts man'

Original poster
tryingharder92 · 18/09/2020 14:51

@titchy

Say it's no better than formula and it is teaching my son to be obsessed with breasts!!

'Oh that must explain why dh is a vulva man and not a breasts man'

Haha I did think about saying similar about my husband 'well Dh likes a good fondle and he wasn't breastfed'
OP posts:
Lovely1a2b3c · 18/09/2020 14:55

Maybe:

Betty sent bigger flowers... 'Oh, that's lovely of her' (that way she knows you didn't feel attacked by her comment, so you win)

I got more likes... 'Oh it's lovely that you're such a proud granny, isn't your DGD lovely'

bimblingonagain · 18/09/2020 15:22

I'd say "that's nice" and in my head replace it with "f**k off"

childish I know, but would make me feel better

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/09/2020 15:41

smile, nod "that's nice" and move on.

It's only a competition if you make it one. If it goes straight over your head, she is wasting her time.

Agreed.

This MIL posts are getting annoying.

ememem84 · 18/09/2020 15:44

Agree a simple “that’s nice” then change the subject and move on seems to work.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 18/09/2020 15:47

You and DH make a mental bingo card of all the digs you’re expecting and whisper “house” to one another when you’ve caught her using them!

It helped me get through difficult interactions in the past. Turns irritants into a private game you can have a laugh about after.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/09/2020 15:53

@bimblingonagain I’d probably get it the wrong way round and say that’s nice in my head and fuck off out loud. Though that would probably work too 😆

mbosnz · 18/09/2020 15:54

@titchy

Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did’

'She probably likes you more than I do'

oh I shared that lovely picture of your dd and I got so many more likes that you

'That's because my life isn't as shallow as yours.'

I bloody love this.
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