Am I being unreasonable to want to be prepared for MIL from hell?

[tryingharder92]

We’re seeing my parents in law later for the first time in months. They (in particular mil) are experts at having little digs. Things that on their own aren’t all that bad.
She will say ‘oh I shared that lovely picture of your dd and I got so many more likes that you’. Or ‘Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did’
I have my husband primed that he is to keep an eye on what is said as he normally isn’t paying enough attention. But I need a few come backs tucked up my sleeve. Help me Mumsnet!!

@OverTheRainbow88 you had warning that it was going to be a thread about MIL. You chose to click on it and read it.

Are you also sick off the my partner cheated on me threads? Or the baby name threads? What about the Covid threads? Ok we’re all sick of that one cos we just want the damn thing to disappear but unfortunately we’re stuck with that too.

@Aquamarine1029

Her: Betty sent me some lovely flowers for my birthday, they were huge. She must have spent lots more than you did.

You: Well isn't she just the most amazing person in the entire world! I really wish I could be more like Betty!

I would hyper-agree with every fucking ridiculous thing she says. Every time.

This might be quite fun if taken to extremes eg. ‘I think I want to BE Betty! Please give me her phone number immediately so I can ask her for tips on how to be just like her!’

But to be honest I’d probably just say ‘Could you repeat that?’ a lot, followed by ‘Why are you telling me this?’

Or tell her that this evening is an audition for whether you want to see her again, and she gets points for normal conversation and minus-points for PA digs and showing off.

Try repeating what she says to your husband. "Did you hear that, Steve, your mum says that Betty sent her nicer flowers than we did". Every time she makes a comment like that. If she's embarrassed it will just show that what she's saying is inappropriate.

I’d probably get it the wrong way round and say that’s nice in my head and fuck off out loud. Though that would probably work too 😆

omg too funny

@Ohtherewearethen

Try repeating what she says to your husband. "Did you hear that, Steve, your mum says that Betty sent her nicer flowers than we did". Every time she makes a comment like that. If she's embarrassed it will just show that what she's saying is inappropriate.

This is bloomin genius.

Or you could try the time-honoured "did you mean to be so rude?" + Beatific smile

My mil was like that. Constant horrible and underhand comments that could be passed off as me being over sensitive.
Every time she said something rude I would ask ‘anyone f’coffee?’

Get her an abacus for Christmas, seems she really likes counting!

To the bf comments - “NHS and The World Health Organisation actually recommend breast feeding until 2 years, but I guess we’ve got so much more awareness of these things now than we did in your day don’t we!”

MIL bingo...love it.

Definitely the repeating to the husband is great too.

Keep a count too of how many digs you get.

He needs to step up though.

A good man protects you and backs you.

If not...let him visit his family on his own and tell him why.

Stop doing the woman work too🙄

I'm the sort who gets drunk by mistake and ends up in direct confrontation so I'm reading these ideas closely

Try repeating what she says to your husband. "Did you hear that, Steve, your mum says that Betty sent her nicer flowers than we did". Every time she makes a comment like that. If she's embarrassed it will just show that what she's saying is inappropriate.

It will also force your DH to stop turning a blind eye to his DM being openly disrespectful to you in your own home.

I would absolutely draw DH into it every time. “Oh no, DH, your mum’s upset because you didn’t spend enough on those flowers you bought her!”

Or for Facebook likes - “oh that’s nice! Well, Facebook is more for older people isn’t it?”

It’s fun to come up with witty comebacks, but life is long and relationships take funny twists and turns. If you can maintain solid boundaries without being unkind it will serve you well in the long run.
A very mild “did she?”, or “did you?” underlines her rudeness without getting pulled down to her level. It makes it clear that you see what she’s doing, but you’re not ruffled.

@OverTheRainbow88

smile, nod "that's nice" and move on.

It's only a competition if you make it one. If it goes straight over your head, she is wasting her time.

Agreed.

This MIL posts are getting annoying.

Not nice to minimise someone’s problem. And this is AIBU by the way And pls Don’t click on MIL posts in future 😃

@tryingharder92

Some great suggestions. Thank you everyone. I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about today. The biggest thing is breastfeeding. They think my son is far too old to be feeding. Say it's no better than formula and it is teaching my son to be obsessed with breasts!! He's 10 months old! Stupid people!!

Ha I’d come back on that with - you seem obsessed with my breasts, what age were you breastfed to?

Laugh. She's getting off on your reaction. Tell yourself you pity her massive insecurity about you because that's what it is . You make her feel insecure so she's gone into attack mode.
My DM was a master of snide digs. Once I started laughing she'd get embarrassed,confused & stop. Can't tell you how empowering that was. The few time she escalated after I laughed, I laid it on thicker, laughed harder & said "ooh , yes, 20 lashes of the whip for the terrible daughter,". Retreat mode off her, me in control.