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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Joint mortgage with both of us.

96 replies

Princessposie · 17/09/2020 15:54

My very, very lovely boyfriend still had a mortgage with his ex-DP. We want to remortgage my house to have one together. He’d be in both mortgages. Mortgage advisor has said we could get the mortgage together in spite of other mortgage. I’m concerned that his ex-DP might default and that’s impact our mortgage. Am I worrying unnecessarily?

YABU - go ahead and buy a house together whilst he’s still on the other one.

YANBU - don’t get a mortgage together until he’s off the other one.

What do you think wise M’netters

OP posts:

MissBridgetJones · 17/09/2020 17:48

@Princessposie

I’m not at all worried about him being on my mortgage and sharing the equity, I definitely trust him.

It has been a year.

Nope. Sorry.

2bazookas · 17/09/2020 17:52

You should be more worried what will happen to YOUR HOUSE if he defaults on another partnership.

Let him sort out his finances with his ex before you get sucked in to their mess.

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/09/2020 17:52

OP work out your equity
Work out how many hours you need to work to earn that amount of money

No think about handing that lump sum over to him when you split up.

The alternative is for him to have equal equity - both ring fenced in the event of a split and split the new home equity equally as and when.

BewilderedDoughnut · 17/09/2020 18:01

With respect @Princessposie, are you out of your God damn mind???

gurglebelly · 17/09/2020 19:02

No, no, no, no, no!! Please don't even consider this until he is financially untangled from his ex, and you have been with him far longer than a year! You are still in the honeymoon period, a year in is nothing, certainly not to give him any claim on your property

And when you do eventually do it, make sure you get everything drawn up legally as to what the implications are if you split

FirstOfficerDouglas · 17/09/2020 19:22

How much equity is already in the house? (It is so far 100% yours, yes?)

Original poster

Princessposie · 17/09/2020 19:23

There’s about 90k in it.

OP posts:

CastleCrasher · 17/09/2020 19:29

So you're going to effectively gift him 45k? Why? And the story about the other mortgage doesn't quite add up, there's no chance I'd be putting him anywhere near my mortgage at this stage.

FirstOfficerDouglas · 17/09/2020 19:32

Then you risk losing at least £45k. If you really want to do this then see a solicitor. Any sensible woman hangs on to her money. Any decent man admires a sensible, intelligent woman.

A friend of mine, mid-thirties, married a man who seemed wonderful. He proposed in a public place with all the drama and romance. Was always giving her flowers and surprising her with trips away. He said he had property in another country - tied up with an ex - she had saved hard, worked hard and inherited some money when her Mum died so had a lovely little house.

The marriage fell apart after 18 months - he took half - of everything. She lost her house. (He didn't have any property that was "free and clear").

She bought a flat and is still struggling.

I would NOT give away rights to your home OP.

blagaaw99 · 17/09/2020 19:40

Gosh no, why put him on the mortgage if your house, it's yours, just why? Get a cat or dog together?

blagaaw99 · 17/09/2020 19:43

Don't get married either yet! Feel v.unsettled by your post!

ALLIS0N · 17/09/2020 19:49

@blagaaw99

Gosh no, why put him on the mortgage if your house, it's yours, just why? Get a cat or dog together?

This .

Cocomarine · 17/09/2020 20:01

Far from being “properly joined” I suspect you don’t feel that secure in this relationship, if you think you need to pay him £45K to keep him in it.

Puffa1Puffa2 · 17/09/2020 20:01

FWIW I know people who have been together 20+ years not married, don't own a property together

HeddaGarbled · 17/09/2020 20:02

*I’m not at all worried about him being on my mortgage and sharing the equity, I definitely trust him.

It has been a year*

🤣

FOJN · 17/09/2020 20:23

I'm only posting to add another voice urging caution.

Your very lovely boyfriend, may, indeed be very lovely but you can't know that after only 12 months. I married Prince Charming but he revealed himself to be an arsehole of the highest order just six months after the wedding and the change happened overnight.

I'd try telling him you are having second thoughts about the plan and are going to seek some legal advice and see how he responds. If he wants the best for you and is serious about a long term future with you then I would expect him to support your decision if he doesn't then I would seriously question his motives.

SBTLove · 17/09/2020 20:45

He must be some ride to be getting 45k after a year 🙄🙄

Happynow001 · 17/09/2020 20:48

Dear @Princessposie

What you are proposing to go into with your boyfriend is a binding, legal contract involving probably the biggest financial asset you will ever have.

There is no room, in this situation, for any starry eyed romanticism - this is business. A lot of people seem to forget that when they get caught up in the throes of being in love and planning a life together.

Like many posters here, I'd really recommend you take a step back before you act. Read the threads on the Relationship board where people (often women) have acted with the best intentions but without enough self preservation.

If you are still unconvinced speak to a solicitor- particularly around the arrangement your boyfriend has with his ex-Partner, with whom he is still financially enmeshed.

If after all this you decide to go ahead, at least have your solicitor draw up a Deed/Declaration of Trust to protect your equity.

You stand to lose a great deal if your relationship goes sour and you have no protection.

I'm sorry, OP, but you've only known him ONE year. Give yourself some breathing space. Where's the rush? 🌹

carly2803 · 17/09/2020 21:17

a year?!
oh no, unless hes paying half of your equity to you, you are mad to just hand over half of yours to him!

why the rush?! absolutely not having him on 2 mortgages

why do people rush relationships nowadays, if its going to work, it will!

carly2803 · 17/09/2020 21:19

@Princessposie

There’s about 90k in it.

so is he giving you 45k cash to come onto your mortgage?

if not - run a bloody mile. You are nuts to just hand over half your house

June628 · 17/09/2020 21:26

This has to be a joke ...

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2020 21:36

@Happynow001

Dear *@Princessposie*

What you are proposing to go into with your boyfriend is a binding, legal contract involving probably the biggest financial asset you will ever have.

If you are still unconvinced speak to a solicitor- particularly around the arrangement your boyfriend has with his ex-Partner, with whom he is still financially enmeshed.

If after all this you decide to go ahead, at least have your solicitor draw up a Deed/Declaration of Trust to protect your equity.

You stand to lose a great deal if your relationship goes sour and you have no protection.

I'm sorry, OP, but you've only known him ONE year. Give yourself some breathing space. Where's the rush? 🌹

This.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 17/09/2020 21:38

Don't do it OP! Was it his idea? A year is really no time to know each other properly.

Wait until he had sold the other house Nd insist he contributes towards the equity (50/50) at least!

VodselForDinner · 17/09/2020 21:40

I wouldn’t do this.

You’d be dependent on your boyfriend’s ex in order to keep a roof over your head.

LuaDipa · 17/09/2020 21:44

Two ways to look at this.

You’ve only been together a year.

You’ve been together a whole year and he still hasn’t managed to effectively extricate himself financially from his ex.

Either way it’s a no from me.

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