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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Joint mortgage with both of us.

96 replies

Princessposie · 17/09/2020 15:54

My very, very lovely boyfriend still had a mortgage with his ex-DP. We want to remortgage my house to have one together. He’d be in both mortgages. Mortgage advisor has said we could get the mortgage together in spite of other mortgage. I’m concerned that his ex-DP might default and that’s impact our mortgage. Am I worrying unnecessarily?

YABU - go ahead and buy a house together whilst he’s still on the other one.

YANBU - don’t get a mortgage together until he’s off the other one.

What do you think wise M’netters Wine

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 17/09/2020 16:59

Oh for heaven’s sake!
Yeah, give a man you’ve been with a year an interest in your HOME for no actual reason at all! I can see why he wants an interest in your asset, what’s in it for you?

You want to properly join your lives up?
When’s the wedding?

You realise if owning property together “properly” joined lives up, he’d still be living in the house with his partner in his existing mortgage, right?

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2020 17:01

It's been a year and you want to "properly join" finances. Are you mad? He's financially joined to his previous partner and he's "letting her keep HIS money" because he's a "really nice person" Hmm. You sound extremely naive and childish to be honest.

brogueish · 17/09/2020 17:02

Obviously, this is a terrible idea.

Original poster
Princessposie · 17/09/2020 17:02

Thank you all for you advice, definitely food for thought and enormously appreciated. I might have a quick chat with some real life friends and show them this thread. Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2020 17:04

You don't need a "quick chat", you need to give your head a wobble and see a solicitor. It is far far too soon to be making a commitment like this to somebody who is apparently financially committed to somebody else and who would benefit from YOUR asset while keeping his hand in elsewhere. Utter madness.

Lightsabre · 17/09/2020 17:04

Is he definitely divorced?

Original poster
Princessposie · 17/09/2020 17:06

He isn’t married to his ex. I am hearing you all though, I really am.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 17/09/2020 17:08

I definitely trust him.
It has been a year.

Hell no.
1 year!!!!
If it was 10 years.... maybe!!!
Does he have DC with the Ex?

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2020 17:12

I really should have done one post, but this sort of thing drives me insane. I've got a friend who did this with her "really lovely boyfriend". A house she had mortgage free post divorce. Her children's home. She decided she trusted the boyfriend enough to put him on the deeds so that they were secure.

The "really lovely boyfriend" turned out to be not so lovely after all. When he decided to leave, he took her to court, got half of the house that she had previously owned entirely on her own which meant she was forced to sell to pay him off. She could not afford to buy another property and is now in rented accommodation in her late 50's, her security gone and he's shacked up with the next one with ££££ in the bank. Naive beyond description.

If your "very lovely" boyfriend decided to do this with you and his ex, he'd be laughing wouldn't he? We don't know him, you do, but you seem to have an awful lot of trust in somebody you've only known for year. A YEAR. You'd be wise to listen to us on this occasion and your vote reflects that.

Lightsabre · 17/09/2020 17:13

I don't know how old you are but I would be interested to know who made the suggestion of this. It's a terrible idea for all the reasons given. Let him stay with you and contribute to food etc until he has made a clean break financially with his ex. Your first post asked 'wise Mumsnetters' to give you advice - please heed it.

maryberryslayers · 17/09/2020 17:15

Are you insane? You want to hand over half the equity in your house to someone you've known a year? Get some legal advice separate from your dp and protect yourself.

Sell your place and buy somewhere together once he's sold his house with his ex. Tell him he'll need to actually sell it rather than 'giving her his money' so that he can contribute towards your home together. That's what 'joining lives' means.

TheBeesKnee · 17/09/2020 17:15

Whose idea was this? His, perchance?

AbbieFB · 17/09/2020 17:18

If he doesn’t have kids with his ex then he really should get himself of the mortgage pronto. If she can’t afford the house then she’ll have to move.

CuppaZa · 17/09/2020 17:19

Definitely don’t do it until he is off

SBTLove · 17/09/2020 17:21

Im not at all worried about him being on my mortgage and sharing the equity, I definitely trust him.It has been a year
Oh dear 🙄

lynxca16 · 17/09/2020 17:21

Just don't agree to it - other posts have put it better - I can only say dont do this.

DidoAtTheLido · 17/09/2020 17:22

You’re going to give him half your house after a year’s relationship?

SunbathingDragon · 17/09/2020 17:25

@Princessposie

Everyone else, yes, it’s mine but we want to properly join our lives up and I guess the house being joint will solidify that for us both Smile
Absolute madness!
Swooningmonkey · 17/09/2020 17:26

As someone who has been through a divorce, I echo the chorus of other posters. You never quite know someone until you’re splitting up. He may be very lovely now but don’t expect the same if things turn sour. Unless he intends to contribute an equal amount into the equity of the property I personally wouldn’t do it. The other option is to be tenants in common on the mortgage documents stating the shares you both individually own. But even then I’d still insist he contributes an equal amount of equity.

SimonJT · 17/09/2020 17:33

I had two mortgages until recently, I helped an ex get a mortgage. I didn’t pay any of the monthly payments, but I put a deposit down to help him get a mortgage. One thing to consider is that it slightly reduced mortgages available to me when I bought my flat, but it didn’t mean getting a more expensive mortgage. I’m now off his mortgage and I’ve got my deposit back with additional funds as its 10% of the properties value.

My boyfriend of 18 months lives with me, he is not on my mortgage and doesn’t pay towards my mortgage. I trust him, but I’m not going to hand him part of my sons home. He is well aware that being on the mortgage/deeds is a husband level request and he only has boyfriend status, so until that changes he doesn’t become a joint owner of the flat.

Pringlemonster · 17/09/2020 17:35

Get married first
No marriage
No morgage
Protect yourself
In actual fact ..why the rush
A year is nothing

Pringlemonster · 17/09/2020 17:37

I expect we will see you on here in a year ,when he’s moved on to his next woman ,taking half your equity with him

I just can’t fathom, why you are even considering this ,it’s so fucking naive it’s unreal

TheBeesKnee · 17/09/2020 17:39

And how old are you both?

WinterAndRoughWeather · 17/09/2020 17:46

I agree with the others, this is a bonkers move. Go and have a browse of the relationships board and see where giving up your financial independence gets you.

FilthyforFirth · 17/09/2020 17:46

Dear god woman, 1 year?!? What an earth is the rush? Wait for him to untangle himself from ex. A year is nothing.

Nicest way possible you sound very young..