AIBU to consider putting my daughter on the pill (PMS- not contraception!)

[flippertygibblet]

My daughter is nearly 14 & started her periods 3 years ago. All was fine to begin with, however, for the last 12mths or so she has started to get very low & emotional just before her period & on the first day or so. More recently it seems to be getting worse. For the rest of the month she's perfectly happy, I'm not concerned there is anything else going on that is upsetting her as it is literally just those few days around her period. Yesterday she was sobbing, a lot worse than usual & she insisted she didn't know why she was crying, she seemed yo calm down a little but I could tell she was feeling down & this morning she looked like she was ready to burst into tears. It breaks my heart seeing her like that especially when there is noth8i can do to make her feel better. I have never suffered in this way with my periods so have no experience of this. I've googled & there were suggestions of the pill being helpful but I am a bit concerned to go down this route, especially with her being so young. Any advice would be amazing!

I really cannot abide that phrase "putting her on the pill" so for that alone YABU.

If you want to suggest she sees her GP and discusses the options with them, that might be an idea. However, it really may not be the best solution for her.

Keep talking, you sound like a nice mum who has her DD best interests at heart. I am sure you will come out the other side

I think that is a conversation she needs to have (with your support; go with her) with her GP.

But, YANBU to consider any type of medication that would be a valid treatment for her health. You're only unreasonable if you're solely relying on Dr Google. It might be something else entirely. For all I know, maybe she hates having periods because it messes with her PE classes. x

By all means have a conversation or suggest she visits the GP but you can't "put her on the pill".

What are your concerns about her age? I started at 13 because my periods were so heavy and wiped me out for a few days of the month.

On reflection I think I haven't worded my post very well I have of course discussed with my daughter & would take the GP advice. I think I was looking more for anyone who has or whos daughter has had similar symptoms & whether they found the pill to be useful or whether there were other options? I'm not sure why I'm concerned with her possibly starting the pill, I think I just don't like the idea of her taking any medication long term unless absolutely necessary (for health or wellbeing) 😊

Can't you just treat her to some chocolate, a hot water bottle, couple of romance films and teach her that actually it's ok to have a good cry when it's that time of the month?

If it's only hormonal tears and you're not worried it's depression that is.

I'm 27 years old and I always have one or two wobbly days around my period where I need a good cry and to let it out my system

I agree with @Greentulips1 - yes, the pill is a potential option but it's still medication which has both positive an negative potential affects on the human body.
If it really is just a couple of days a month I'd teach her coping mechanisms and distraction techniques and try that as a first option before resorting to the pill.
But only you and she can really determine how much it's affecting her and whether more intervention is really required.

I went on the pill at 15 for pms (i was a nightmare to live with 3 weeks out of 4). It did help. I came off at 37 because dh had the snip and felt awful until I started hrt this year at 45. I'm just really affected by my hormones(or lack of) maybe your dd is the same. the only thing k would say is that looking back my libido was massively affected which obviously isn't something you dd needs to worry about at the moment but something to think about.

I went on the pill at around that age for heavy periods and PMS and other then conceiving have been on it since. It really helped me. Speak to the GP but do what you can to help. Everyone reacts differently to hormones, I'm not the same person off the pill and the bleeding is unreal. The pill works well for me. It's there to help and if it offers your daughter relief go for it.

Isn’t a bit of sadness one of the normal symptoms for those having periods?

Why would she take drugs 21 or 28 days a month just to stop a day or so of something completely normal?

Speak to the doctor. Our daughter went on the pill for acne reasons and for her it boosted confidence as acne reduced. But it does seem to affect her mood - more tears. A discussion is needed with GP and your daughter about what works for her.

I take the pill for exactly this reason - it is an off label use but accepted by GPs. I do know that some people react badly to hormonal contraception (sometimes individual ones and sometimes all of them) so you would need to watch out for that. The gp/nurse would help you through any issues. I would seriously consider it, I really don’t see why people think girls should have to suffer debilitating pms.

YANBU. I am thinking of doing the same for my 14 year old daughter for much the same reason (or as other people so rightly say, getting her to talk through her options with the GP).
She has very heavy periods that have made her anaemic and although tranexamic acid helps a bit they don't help with her terrible pre-menstrual anxiety and tearfulness which is badly affecting her quality of life.
I think the pill is the best option for her.

• Isn’t a bit of sadness one of the normal symptoms for those having periods?

Why would she take drugs 21 or 28 days a month just to stop a day or so of something completely normal?*

It's a lot more than a bit of normal sadness for a day or so!
It's not completely normal.
I have periods myself and so does my other daughter. Some women suffer terribly with their cycles/mood.

There was a Danish study a few years ago which showed a correlation between contraceptive pill and mental health in young women.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27680324/
"Conclusions and relevance: Use of hormonal contraception, especially among adolescents, was associated with subsequent use of antidepressants and a first diagnosis of depression, suggesting depression as a potential adverse effect of hormonal contraceptive use."

I went on the depo at 15 for this exact reason plus with myself i also had a lot of joint pain as well (not just back and stomach).

As others and yourself have said to discuss with GP and an agreement with all 3 as there may be other options out there now that weren't around when i was younger.

Good luck I know how difficult it can be.

It might be worth trying evening primrose oil for a couple of months first before starting the pill if it's just the PMS that's causing a problem rather than heavy or painful periods

What? That's perfectly normal, its PMS, I thought we all experienced it. It may be worse when you're young because your hormones are just kicking in. God I remember sitting on the stairs crying at that age. I think it would be very silly to put her on hormonal contraception (which usually makes those symptoms worse) when her body is developing. We mess with our hormones enough in our life, but starting at puberty when her body and hormones are just developing seems so irresponsible.
Give her some chocolate, watch a romcom under a quilt.

With all due respect @Nottherealslimshady the pms i had was not normal in any way shape or form. Unbelievably chocolate and a good romcom didn't help at all just because someone is young doesn't mean we can dismiss her symptoms.

My daughter used to be like this and would also be sick with her periods (as did I when younger) and I suggested she see the GP about going on the pill when she was 17. She was needing a "duvet day" most months. It has helped a lot.

14 does seem young so I would probably try the chocolate, hot water bottle and bath route for a few more months and get her some of the painkillers designed for periods Femeze or something? They are much more effective than normal ibuprofen or paracetemol.

So many seem to be belittling the OP’s DD’s symptoms and projecting their views of how their periods affect them.

OP, why don’t you make a GP appointment for your DD to have a chat and see if medication is appropriate and whether there is an underlying problem.

@JonasKahnwald but from "I was a nightmare to live with" I'd say that's a little more serious that feeling emotional a couple of days a month? It doesn't sound like severe PMS, it sounds like a young girl going through a hormonal change and it's hard to see someone feel crap especially your child but is hormone therapy really appropriate for a pubescent girl? OP I think you're both just struggling with it being a time of change, you want to fix what's upsetting your daughter but, in my opinion, it's not easily fixable, and the risks outweigh the benefits. For many mental health takes a downward turn from hormonal contraception, it can cause weight gain and acne etc.
Personally, I hate it, I've gone through three types in 7 years, come off it to get pregnant and DH can have the snip but I'm not going back on it.

Are you aware that people who eat low carb have reported lighter, easier periods? I hardly noticed my period when low carb, which was a big difference to the moody, aggressive state I was in every month before. Obviously with her age, you'd need the advice of a medical professional or trained nutritionist. But I'd tweak diet before resorting to hormone medication. What is her typical day of food and drink? More than 50% carbs and sugar?

I remember crying about nothing at that age, so I would consider it normal adolescent behaviour.
I would be very reluctant to mess about with hormones and drugs during puberty.

@SunbathingDragon

So many seem to be belittling the OP’s DD’s symptoms and projecting their views of how their periods affect them.

OP, why don’t you make a GP appointment for your DD to have a chat and see if medication is appropriate and whether there is an underlying problem.

The symptoms are feeling low and crying when on her period. Me and most of the females I know have exactly the same, I actually thought everyone felt like this.

I don't think people are belittling, I think they are normalising. If OP and her daughter choose the pill then great, but there is also no shame and nothing wrong in accepting that periods can make you sad and make you sob. Young girls should know that it's normal and it's OKAY to feel that way.

And how does your DD feel about this?