to hate that people can phone me from an withheld number?

[lasangoles]

I have a lot going on in my life at the moment. Trying to deal with an abusive ex, and a family member who is causing lots of damage to our family with her abusive behaviours. I'm waiting for some important phonecalls, but also anxious about being contacted by people who cause me a lot of distress. I've just missed two unknown calls and couldn't bring myself to answer. My family member is known to call me off an unknown number to catch me off guard, then goes in to a huge rant about family members and her dramas which causes a lot of tension. I'm so, so stressed and can't bring myself to answer the phone. I have a feeling I'm going to miss a lot of important calls because of this. Does anyone ever feel like this re withheld numbers? Any way of getting around it? I guess not!

If you aren't expecting a call ignore it. If it is important they will leave a message.

You remember that the power is with you. You can always hang up. They cannot stop you from doing that.
You hold the power.

Let the call go to answer phone. I NEVER answer withheld numbers. If it's important ppl leave a message.

You wouldn't answer your front door to somebody wearing a balaclava

@Rudolphian

If you aren't expecting a call ignore it. If it is important they will leave a message.

Some places cannot leave a message unfortunately

It's so frustrating as I'm waiting for a call from women's aid and they're unlikely to leave a message, but I cannot bring myself to answer the phone due. Its like a mental block and I freeze when it rings. I have PTSD so am not just being dramatic (as my family member likes to think I am)

Repeat to yourself
"I am in charge. I have the power. I have the hang up button" You are stronger than you think

Why was the withheld number facility ever brought in? I cannot fathom a reason for it. To my mind, only the unscrupulous benefit from it as it allows firms making unsolicited calls and stalkers to benefit.

Can you change your number and only give it to people/organisations you are happy to speak to? Or a second sim for organisations to contact you on? Just a cheap burner phone would do

Alternatively could you get a phone in asda for a tenner, sim, £5 credit and use that number for others as a contact so you don't have to be scared of certain people being behind the withheld number?

With lots of people wfh it'll be more common than usual

Ah x posted

Second phone is a good idea.

In the medium term get a new phone number and give it only to people you trust, including doctors, schools, women’s aid etc.

I can understand your concern OP . The only withheld calls I get are usually from my GP or the hospital, messages aren’t always left.

@lasangoles

Second phone is a good idea.

If you have asda nearby they have phones for 10 pounds and you could be sorted in couple of hours and ready to take calls. I am not sure about other big supermarkets.

Second phone is perfect for this - great advice by a pp.

x-post with everyone about the new phone.

Withheld numbers have a use. Medical professionals and teachers in particular find them useful to contact service users who would bombard them with calls (possibly abusive) day and night if given the chance.

@Itsabeautifuldayheyhey I can think of several reasons when it is genuinely beneficial for a number to be withheld.

For example, someone waiting for a call from women’s aid and they obviously don’t want their partner to know. If they called and their number wasn’t withheld, if the problem partner is still around they could find out from the phone number who is calling and that could cause all sorts of issues. Same for most medical places - not everyone would want their loved ones to know that the doctor has rung for example (and for that reason doctors won’t leave messages so for all those saying if it’s important they will leave a message - not always the case).

The unknown call may be from Track and Trace re Covid 19

Also useful is if it turns out to be somebody you don't want to speak to 'hello, hello? You're breaking up... hello?' And hang up.

Its a big issue with the nhs. Our work main number comes up with a number but any work mobiles and individual phones come up with held. Apparently its not possible to connect these mobiles so they come through like its the service number calling, and we cant give patient the direct mobile numbers so it had to be witheld.

We also have various governance about leaving messages as most people havent given explicit consent for it and people no longer tend to have personalised voicemail greetings so we have no idea if its them.

I don't answer unknown numbers unless I'm specifically expecting a call from the doctors or similar.

If it's that important they'll leave a message. If they can't do that, then the system is a bit flawed in some way, and I don't think companies can get annoyed if people don't answer unknown calls. Plenty of people have legitimate reasons for not wanting to answer anonymous calls.

I've yet to miss any vital bit of news or information by doing it this way

Save important phone numbers on your phone and favourite them.

Go to settings and activate do not disturb. You will only hear the phone ring if it's from a favourite contact.

Any other number can still call but you won't hear them incoming.

Op i would ask any support services to send texts ahead of appts. Most staff are wfh and usinh their own numbers, as i do, but i understand many wont answer caller witheld. I usually send texts advising when i will call so rhey know its me. Am sure your services would do similar

OP, you could just ignore the call. I turned on the feature "Silence Unknown Callers" on my iPhone. These calls are sent straight to voicemail, so I get choose whether to listen to them or not. Best thing I ever did!