to hate that people can phone me from an withheld number?

[lasangoles]

I have a lot going on in my life at the moment. Trying to deal with an abusive ex, and a family member who is causing lots of damage to our family with her abusive behaviours. I'm waiting for some important phonecalls, but also anxious about being contacted by people who cause me a lot of distress. I've just missed two unknown calls and couldn't bring myself to answer. My family member is known to call me off an unknown number to catch me off guard, then goes in to a huge rant about family members and her dramas which causes a lot of tension. I'm so, so stressed and can't bring myself to answer the phone. I have a feeling I'm going to miss a lot of important calls because of this. Does anyone ever feel like this re withheld numbers? Any way of getting around it? I guess not!

"You wouldn't answer your front door to somebody wearing a balaclava"

That is a stupid analogy. There's no innocent reason why someone would cover their face and knock on your door.

We had to have withheld numbers across SS and they do in other services. Or we'd be plagued by abusive calls. Even work mobiles aren't the answer.

As said OP, get a cheap second phone.

@DazedWifelet, except she can't because she's waiting for calls from women's aid etc.

Thank you @ChessieFL. I totally understand why WA should be withheld. My GP surgery's number actually comes up so they obviously don't use the system.

I just think perhaps there should be a registration system for those allowed to witthold numbers with all others not allowed to do so.

Yeah I hate this, used to not answer them but unfortunately our hospital and doctors always come up as withheld...

Second phone is a good idea.

My doctors surgery call from withheld number and of course I want to take that call!

I work as a mediator in the family law system, a lot of my clients are FV victims and would be wary of withheld numbers. I am working from home and have to use my own phone, there is no way in God's earth that I will let my clients have my personal phone number. I am sure I am not the only one. I do e-mail clients if possible to warn them that my call will be from a withheld number but if they don't answer they will probably miss out on appointments. Not great but no choice.

Me too. They are necessary for staff using their personal number it is usually the school or a healthcare professional calling.

Are you meaning landline? There is a service that interrupts calls and a recorded message says ‘calls to this number are being screened’. You presumably then have to input your number.

Rudolphian

If you aren't expecting a call ignore it. If it is important they will leave a message

Agree 100%.

The OP says that she is expecting a call from Women's Aid. Obviously I don't know the circumstances but I think I would be a bit concerned if WA were leaving voicemail messages which an abuser could intercept.

OP I am not implying anything by that - it is a generalisation but a good reason for them not to leave a message.

I never answer calls from withheld numbers or those that I don’t recognise. Just ignore.

When I used to make outward calls at work I’d sometimes get a message that withheld numbers were not accepted. It wouldn’t even dial a ringtone, so there must be a way to block them. I thought it was a good system as it lets the caller know that the other party hasn’t even seen their call.

Sorry to hear you’re needing the services of women’s aid OP. If it is safe for you to do so, could you ask them to call once and leave a voicemail of something innocuous so you know it’s them, and then call back a minute or so later?

Can you record an answer phone message that you dont answer withheld numbers so to leave a message or call back off an unblocked number.

@WhatifIfeellikeacat unfortunately messages aren’t alway left even if they are important, for confidentiality reasons, just in case someone could have access to the phone that could cause harm to the person they are wanting to reach.

I have withheld numbers blocked on my mobile. My GP, any hospital clinics and other medical places have this noted on my file so call me from a number that shows up. I have also given permission for a message to be left saying 'it's X from Lewisham, please call me back'.

When DD2's teacher called during lockdown, we arranged for her to email me earlier in the week letting me know approximately when she'd call e.g. Wednesday morning. I would then unblock withheld numbers until after she had called.

You can block withheld numbers but from experience in the NHS this tends to mean we cant call you. Often all hospital numbers are blocked and we cant un block them as a PP suggests. It it's a generic answer phone we also cant leave a message for confidentiality issues. I know many pt have missed out on appts due to this. Cheap second.mobile maybe best.

Maybe it depends on the hospital @jamimmi? I know it's been fine for me but they've said it's helpful to know.

Women's Aid will probably have a way to let you know they called - Citizens Advice have a withheld number but they send a text to say it was them calling or that they will call in 5 mins etc so you know who it is.

I withhold my number at the moment because I have to use my personal number when calling work contacts while working from home and I don't want everyone to have my number. I leave a message if they don't answer though

@LearnedResponse

x-post with everyone about the new phone.

Withheld numbers have a use. Medical professionals and teachers in particular find them useful to contact service users who would bombard them with calls (possibly abusive) day and night if given the chance.

Or they could just use a line that doesn't accept incoming calls to make the outgoing ones?