To think I'm really dull

[Xmarksthespott]

I've got a couple of good friends.

Left school. Worked in retail and pharmacy. Declined the wild nights out usually because I didn't really get into that scene. Loved bottles of wine with a friend. Meals out with friends. Shopping with friends. Cinema etc.

Had boyfriends from being 16-present. Some were 2 years or below in how long we lasted. Now I'm long term.

My parents never took me on holiday. I started having holidays in the south coast with my partner and kids 4 years ago. So I feel like I can say I actually do go away now at least. I've been to Scotland, Blackpool, Dorset, center parcs etc. We was going to Norfolk this year but for obvious reasons we didn't.

I've never done drugs. Not a bad thing. But I've never even had weed. I've had sex outside and kissed a couple of strangers when I did go to pubs/clubs occasionally. I've not had one night stands. I've had short flings for a couple of months. I did snog my best friends brother one night. But that's about it.

I've hung around in carparks and things ten years ago when I dabbled in the chav car/chav boy era. But all I got from that was a cheat with glasses and a receding hairline.

Anyway to the point. I've now got a lovely family. But I feel like I've not done so many things in comparison to others.

Here's my official list.

I never learned to drive. Well I did. But when the instructor failed me on my 3rd test for going at 55 in a 60 I was defeated. I got anxiety about ever stepping foot in that test center again. My dad's frustrated response to my 18 year old ears knocked me further. "You may aswel pack it up now" So I did. He has always said he wished he had appealed that last test because it was a country road and 55mph is a decent speed. But there ya go.

I've never been abroad. Parents hated planes and boats. I've since been on ferrys and I have done holidays in the UK and weekends in London. We only went touring though. I would love to say we went to the theatre and for afternoon tea in Harrods. But we sat in Hyde park with a hotdog and enjoyed walking around the rich parts and seeing people park Ferraris up on the side of the road.

I've been invited to so many weddings. But always decline. Because I'm always invited to the weddings of people I don't really know and I get all uncomfortable about wearing a dress and mingling in. These are usually my partner's work colleagues or random friends from his unidays. Or cousin's that I haven't spoken to in 20 years. If it was family and friends I mixed with i obviously go.

I never got my kids christened. I don't believe in God etc. But for most it's about the party etc.

My partner doesn't want to get married and I'm not bothered about it either. So we won't ever get married.

I have a very small circle of mum friends. But I see people from the school days still meeting up in big groups and having wild weekends/BBQs etc. Their kids now mix in with their friends kids. They still seem very outgoing and energetic. We can't get family to babysit so we have had to let the social life go to shit whilst the kids are going. Which means we are Billy no Mates. Accept for when I meet my mum friends at the park. But that's not for me is it?

I wear makeup. I do my hair. I like to look nice. But I don't get my nails or anything done because income doesn't allow. I feel even this makes me dull.

Overall I feel a really uninteresting person who didn't have the confidence to be wild when I was younger. Now older me is sad that younger me didn't have the tools to get out there and be more confident.

I love talking to people. I did have parents who were useless at providing us with experience or confidence. My mum has sat in the house the last 35 years. Never witnessed her being encouraging.

Determined to make sure my kids get out there more.

Do I sound really boring. Be gentle with me! I am feeling abit meh about things.

Maybe you need a hobby and then you could join a club and meet people that you have things in common with. What things do you like and good at. Theirs tons of club's photography art, bookclubs. They might even invite you to their wedding!

There's a quote "the only thing you can spend your money on that makes you richer is travel/experiences". So I understand why you want more holidays and are interested in people. It's interesting to experience other cultures or visit somewhere new, even in your own country.

How about getting involved in guiding? As in girl guides. I used to be a guide and then in my mid twenties I bumped into my old guide leader, who's a lovely lady, and she wanted help with her guide unit. I volunteered weekly for a year but then moved away so now I only attend their summer camps to help cook and have done so for 10-15 years. Through guiding I've made great friends with the other leaders and seen the girls blossom from children to lovely young ladies. We also got to take part in the activities the girls did... things like learning break dancing, visiting a chocolate factory, abseiling, going to concerts, playing games outdoors, and while at the activity camp we would rock climb, go on inflatable assault courses and bungee trampolining. I can't recommend it enough and it only takes up to 2 hours a week! If this is of interest to you then try contacting your local guide or scout unit.

If it's not your thing, then consider scouting and guiding for your DC. They'll get to experience a wide range of activities, make new friends and memories, and even travel internationally. You can give them the life you wanted, and even better, you can do it together if you become a leader.

Also, there's loads of fun stuff to do for free. In my twenties I used to get my hair cut at the Vidal Sassoon school for free. The hairdressers were experienced but were there to learn different styles. You have to be willing to try a new style but you get a cut (& sometimes colour) worth £100+ but for free or discounted
www.sassoon-academy.com/en/academy/uk/Models-Wanted

Then for a free night out I'd go to TV filmings... I saw a lot of comedy shows being filmed including Taskmaster, 8 out of 10 Cats etc through...
tvrecordings.com/ and www.sroaudiences.com/
They're not recording anything live at the moment, obviously, but hopefully soon.

These days I sing with a choir (pop, Motown, rock) and love socialising with the other singers as well as performing at gigs. It only costs £3 a week so you see, some hobbies can be pretty cheap

I agree with the PPs... nails and hair don't make people interesting/exciting! Having hobbies, an eagerness to learn & listen, or an interest in the world outside your home, does. Sounds as though you have an interest in people so volunteering with a charity or becoming a guide leader would probably suit you. Good luck x

A high drama/excitement life is not what it is cracked to be...as long as you are happy I would stop trying to compare myself to others or think that there is only once specific way to live/be successful.

I have lived in 3 different countries and did some really wild things like playing in rock bands, being part of the BDSM scenes, dating men and women, becoming an artist and even worked as a stripper when I was a 'rebel' young woman who did not want a mainstream job.

Frankly I now appreciate focusing on my art and spending quiet time at home or having a nice meal with friends or gardening. life does not have to be rock n roll all the time and I often envy those who have lovely, settled lives. Mine started with an unhappy family life and has been full of chaos and real challenges. Enjoy what you have.

Just to add... covid & lockdown over the last 6 months has made everyone realise that the little things in life are more important than anything else... family, home, nature, etc. Life's simple pleasures (gardening, baking, knitting etc) sound boring but slowing life down will be the new norm.

Also, as PPs have said, dancing is a great hobby for learning something new, keeping fit and meeting new people. There are so many different styles to try. I've done disco dancing, street dance, Lindy Hop and loved them all.

Instead of asking are you dull, why not ask are you happy?

Do you want to do these things that you say? Agree with others there are lots of new hobbies that you could take up that are free or cheap, running, cycling, hiking, volunteering, knitting, sewing, baking. Whatever takes your fancy.

I'm unashamedly dull. No real interest in travelling anywhere outside of Europe, no interest in nights out or drinking, give me a nice meal, some good tv and I'm happy.

I had some "wild" moments I suppose in my youth, but some things were quite unsafe and not my finest moments.

We grew up poor and didn't do anything or go on holiday. In my late teens and early 20s most of the people I worked with were into travelling to exotic places and thrill seekers. I felt dull compared to them.

If you want to go abroad, go. There was nothing stopping you pre-CV. Don't blame your mum's choices for your own.

If you want to learn to drive, do it. Don't resent your dad for something he said when you were 19, however knobby.

I'm trying to be gentle, but I do want to give you a bit of a shake.

I'm dull too! I've never taken drugs or slept around ( only had one partner) been married forever and can't get drunk anymore as I feel too ill the next day! (I'm older than you to be fair. )
(Nobody invites me anywhere much or if they do it's just for a meal in a pub or something. )
I learnt to drive when it was easier to do than now , but I rarely drive very far these days. I like reading !
I could go on but your life sounds ok and I'm sure taking drugs etc are over hyped really! You sound nice and a good mum. That's a big positive in my book and holidays in this country is fine! Parts of it are beautiful.
I've always been dull , but there are a lot of us about I'm sure!

Having your nails done is the singularly most boring activity on the planet.
People who do drugs are not 'fun'.

Try judging yourself and your life by the things you have done rather than the things you haven't.

You do sound a bit unadventurous! Not because you've never done drugs/weddings/had your nails done - but you do seem to be limiting your own horizons. Okay, so there's not a lot on at the moment - but if you'd love to go to a London theatre, why not book yourself a cheap ticket (cheaper than the cinema!) and come up for the day on the train? (I'd forget tea at Harrods! But if that's what you'd like, it's just a shop - it's open to all!) You don't want to look back and see hanging around in carparks as the highlight of your life! It's sad that your parents didn't expand your horizons but it's down to you now.

@cadent I was trying to be gentle, too - but you do need a shake! For what it's worth, I was 18 before I went abroad. Looking back, I'm surprised how far we used to travel on a budget of peanuts!

I found gel nails a complete pain and a bit of a con. I gave up eventually after a few trips to a nail bar that stunk of nail varnish remover and made me cough! Embrace the nude nails. Or the stick on ones are ok ! I don't bother with all that myself now as it's just another thing to spend money on!

I think you sound lovely not dull at all!

I know loads of people who have travelled the world, partied, been off their heads on drugs etc and they can be boring gits to be around!
You don't need to change anything about yourself.

Not taking drugs, smoking weed, unable to drive and not holidaying abroad doesn't make you dull op.
Some people do all of those things and are the most boring people ever.
If you're intelligent and have a sense of humour then you will never be dull.
Experience and intelligence make an interesting person, not their possessions.
Who honestly listens to someone banging on about their fortnight in Spain and thinks ' gosh, you're very interesting' ?
They're more likely to think ' god, you're boring'.

I had a bit of a wild time in my late teens/twenties. Lots of hopping from country to country to travel/live, partying, quite a few one night stands etc. but honestly I made most of my mistakes during that period and it makes "settling down" much more difficult when you've lived a life like that.

I love a MUCH quieter life now in the country, two small DC, a dog and it's given me much more time and space to focus and work towards goals. Ive has these goals for as long as I can remember but I was always to hungover/excited to go out again to focus. I feel much more fulfilled now.

You don't have to be "wild" what's important is if you're happy/content with your life. You need to start working towards your goals and this will raise your confidence as I feel that's what's lacking here - you're not dull you're underconfident and that can be fixed with a little effort

Every year I write a list of things that I want to do
Some things on the list get rolled onto future years due to planning or cost
But I do manage to accomplish most things
Everyone will have a different list of things on their bucket list

I really don't want to be someone who gets to 80+ ( if I live that long) & be saying " I wish I had done X or Y)

For example
Nails that is easy to achieve, find a local salon (virus rules taken into account)

If you want to travel abroad, you will need a passport & travel insurance which take time to organise. Money you can get delivered to your property, order at post office or some credit cards allow you to take money out of ATMs with no extra charges. Money Saving Expert website has some good travel tips. You also need to be aware that some countries charge huge prices for mobile phones calls or data ( internet)

The only person stopping you from doing things us YOU

Poor form not to return to your own thread.

None of what you’ve done or not done makes any difference. The only thing that matters is whether you are happy with your life. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of your choices.

If you aren’t happy, then decide what you’re going to do to change it.

If you want to learn to drive: do it.

If you want to travel: do it.

It won’t make you any more or less interesting but it might make you happy.

Reminds me of one of those quizzes on the internet, where it asks you 50 questions to try to work out if you are adventurous like;

Have you sky dived -yes
Have you skinny dipped -yes
Etc

Do the things that you enjoy

Try some new things

Op if you could wave a magic wand and live this interesting life you want, what would you be doing?

Are you satisfied and content (generally!) with your lot? Nothing about it says boring to me - unless your bored with it? It all sounds quite calm and lovely. You are also still alive, so maybe have a think about what you'd like to do - if you could do anything? You might be surprised that you're perfectly content or need to lead a rock band. Enjoy!

Do you think a lot of drugs and sex would have made you happier? I do find people who need to tell you all about their wild nights pretty dull personally, it's all relative.

I think you sound pretty normal to be honest. If you want to do more then you could make that happen? It's more about being happy than ticking off things like drugs/driving/sky diving.