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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I do 'sensible' move to area i don't like?

36 replies

Jet888 · 17/09/2020 04:38

Myself, dh and two dc currently been living long term with family ( long story involving nightmare sale of prevuous property, job loss etc)
Anyway now need to move out by Jan.
Have offer in on house in area we like. Dh hates house and agreed offer on condition we move in 2 years which I agreed to as a)agree house not ideal for our family and b) dc1 would have got into the good local school. We'd stay in the same town.
Property is below our budget so low mortgage every month.
Dh now seen properly he thinks is perfect. It's much bigger and has very good schools too. £100k more so absolute top of our budget. Problem is I hate the area! Boring, nothing really there. Nice, middle class but dull. (I currently teach in that area. ) couldn't imagine going for walk with dc in pram as nowhere to walk to!
Dh says location doesn't matter as I can get in my car and drive somewhere else whereas he can't leave the house he hates and go elsewhere. If we moved here I wouldn't want to move again for long haul as wouldnt be fair uprooting schooling and Dh says he couldn't bear another unnecessary move.
What would you do? Can't tell if I'm just being stupid and should go for sensible 'head' move to big house, good schoos etc and totally ignore my heart. Ps, I'd also have to move job eventually moving to the cheaper property as commute longer and could be tricky to find another pt teaching post.

OP posts:

Pepperama · 17/09/2020 04:50

Assume there isn’t an affordable ‘nice’ area with good schools? I personally wouldn’t go for a two year temp solution, moving is too expensive and stressful and who knows if property will sell well. But depends if the other area is just a bit dull or rough/unpleasant/ugly - even for the loveliest house I’d not move into an area I really hated.

RaisinGhost · 17/09/2020 04:54

I moved to the sensible, but boring and economically deprived area. In my case it was sensible because DH and I both work there, so no commute. I hate it honestly but now feel I can't really move away as it wouldn't be "sensible". Meanwhile I observe no one else is being sensible and seem to be loving it.

Your situation is a bit different though, as you say schools are good and that's another thing that isn't good in my area.

Terrace58 · 17/09/2020 05:06

I would say be a grownup and live in the nice house with good schools. An area is only boring if you choose to be bored. Finding ways to stimulate your mind is not difficult.

Guineapigbridge · 17/09/2020 05:07

Temporary solutions have a way of becoming permanent, particularly when it comes to houses. It can't be the choice of just two options: others will come up. Talk to every real estate agent you know and get them to add you to their list.

If you want my advice: prioritise walkability to schools, shops and activities. Particularly with children. Getting in and out of cars is a pain and 'kills' a community's vibe, IMO.

Spinakker · 17/09/2020 05:51

The school is the most important thing imo. Kids will spend 6 hours a day there. Isn't it worth sacrificing a bit to be at a good school which will benefit their future? I agree with your DH you can always drive somewhere if you want to go somewhere more interesting. Now in covid times there's not alot on anyway so I think the good school would be my priority.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/09/2020 06:06

I'd trust your instinct and not move their. There is a lot you can do to improve a house you don't like, there is nothing you can do to improve an area that doesn't suit you and personally I'd hate to have to drive everywhere.

IvySpivey · 17/09/2020 06:10

I've been in my temporary house 22 years. I didn't want to move here and I've passed my dislike to my children.

Don't have a stop gap home.

Rent if necessary until a better house comes along.

seayork2020 · 17/09/2020 06:10

We live where it is functionable and I can walk to work shops and DS can walk to school if he has to but school bus normally, although DH has to commute (wen not WFH that is) gosh it is so boring BUT we are ok here till DS finishes high school

What works day to day mean more to us than excitement even if we grumble about it

SarahBellam · 17/09/2020 06:13

You do not need to choose only one or the other. There are other houses on the market. In your position I’d probably move into rented for a year until you find something that meets both your needs.

Pluckedpencil · 17/09/2020 06:17

Location, location, location.
Seriously. There must be a better house in the place you actually like. Look at houses that cost an extra 100k in the place you like!!

merrymouse · 17/09/2020 06:29

Dh says location doesn't matter as I can get in my car and drive somewhere else whereas he can't leave the house he hates

I think your DH is wrong. You can do a lot to improve a house, but who wants to get in a car every time you want to stretch your legs and go outside? This is particularly important in the pram years.

merrymouse · 17/09/2020 06:35

However, I think your main problem is the pressure to buy somewhere by January. Given that you each have reasons for strongly disliking both houses, neither is suitable.

BritInAus · 17/09/2020 06:48

I wouldn't choose either of those houses. Keep looking and rent for a year if need be (could be a way to try out an area). Buying a house is too expensive a mistake to make if either of you have major doubts.

GreyishDays · 17/09/2020 06:52

Getting in the car is a pain though. It’s really nice for children to be able to walk to stuff, which they can from about 11.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 17/09/2020 06:55

Whichever you buy of those two houses one of you will end up bitterly resenting the other for 'forcing' them to live there.

Keep looking.

JacobReesMogadishu · 17/09/2020 06:55

I live in a nice house in a nice rural village though oddly with no footpaths. So you can walk round the village. But if you want a proper walk then you have to drive about a mile in any direction. I’m just used to it, it’s not a problem.

DDiva · 17/09/2020 06:58

I'm with you husband on alm.pojnts but one - there is a reason most teachers dont live where they teach !

In reality you also dont know an area til you move there. Our town wasn't top.of our list fir many reasons but we are so happy and settled here now......

AuntieStella · 17/09/2020 06:58

Don't move to a house your DH hates.

At the moment your choice is between a house that one likes and the other hates, and one which one likes and the other thinks 'meh'. So if it really is between those two, go for the 'meh' option (ie the house your DH likes)

a) you can always move again - same condition as he put on moving to a house he disliked
b) don't write off your neighbours as dull before you've even met them, or you'll get a self-fulfilling prophecy

PamDemic · 17/09/2020 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Standrewsschool · 17/09/2020 07:01

Option 3) - choose a house you both like.

Mascaramademehappy · 17/09/2020 07:05

Do you really have to move? Doesn’t sound like either one would be a good choice & the cost of moving is so high even if the house itself isn’t that expensive.

I would go for location every time. Having lived in many nice places but with absolutely nothing there I would pick a place with amenities nearby every time now.

Gladgreengrass · 17/09/2020 07:10

Don't go for either. Agree with pp that school's the most important thing. A two year stop gap will be very expensive re:moving costs and stamp duty etc.

hettie · 17/09/2020 07:23

Course a house you both like and rent for a year/6 months if necessary

Original poster

Jet888 · 17/09/2020 07:27

Thankyou for all the comments. Given me alot to think about! Regarding the renting suggestions, that seemed like the best option to me too until we looked at rental and realised we couldn't afford a place as big as the house we've offered on - renting would mean husband trying to work from home in the same bedroom as a napping 6 month old baby until we did buy, and if covid caused another lockdown over winter could be horrendous... our original plan was definitely to wait until the right house came along for both of us in the right place but only got 3 months to go!

OP posts:

sitckmansladylove · 17/09/2020 07:32

I agree.. neither house is right for you.

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