To think my friend is maybe a mug

[Limeandlemon]

My friend recently got engaged to this guy she’s been with for about two years.
She is super gorgeous, is quite wealthy. She owns a sports car, has just recently bought a really nice house with massive garden, just bought a big fancy bbq, garden furniture and had a big party in her back garden.
She has pets with this guy too and she is very homely and motherly. She cooks all the time, has the place pristine, posts all over Instagram of her home and pets, and pics of them two. Every post features him in it.
Here is why I don’t like him.
He has an 11 year old child from his first relationship, her mother was a stripper when they met at a strip club. He doesn’t see this child at all. Has nothing to do with her.
He has a nine year old child to someone else, he was head over heels with at first now it has fizzled out and he doesn’t see his child. I don’t know why but the mother stays in the same town as them.
I get the feeling his feet are well and truly under the table and she’s living in this domestic bubble and she will soon be wanting babies to this guy.

He does contribute financially to the home as he works but she is the bread winner by far.
Anything like cars, home improvements, designer clothes come from her.
Major alarm bells are ringing as he doesn’t see his two kids.
I think she loves to paint an Instagram perfect life of little miss domestic goddess and he’s lapping it up getting all his cleaning done, meals cooked and has a beautiful woman on his arm. Yet his kids aren’t part of that picture.
Aibu to think he’s just a shit?

Christ, going to a strip club doesn’t mean someone was trawling them. well presumably he didn’t go there for a pie and mash supper....

Apart from the bare facts of his kids etc, what is he LIKE? is he nice? How does he behave to you and her other friends?

It’s so hard to say, some people are arseholes in their twenties and then shape up, some people stay that way. Sounds to me like you think he’s sexually incontinent and will still shag around when married to your friend?

(Re the Irish comment, I assumed that meant he was a bit of a catch? Most people I know find Irish accents rather lovely. Maybe I’m wrong)

Men having dc and not seeing them does ring alarm bells for me. Plus strip clubs are hideous but these days you are judged for not being cool with allowing women to take off their clothes for men to leer at by many. If I’m a pious pearl clutcher so be it.

Is she mid thirties? some of my friends made incredibly rash decisions about men when they hit that age as they were getting desperate for dc around this age. Hindsight is a wonderful thing we are all late forties and early fifties now. One is especially regretful as she married a charming good looking brought nothing financially to the table man a bit like your mate and he is about to get 50% of all her assets and she was incredibly well off. I didn’t trust him from day one but she got her DS out of the relationship.

He doesn’t sound like a catch, whatever you say will make bugger all difference though. It will ride its course who knows what the ending will be but just be there for her however it pans out.

Why would the OP be jealous of her friend in this instance?

Because she’s wealthy, has lots of nice stuff and has a partner it would seem.

And she’s beautiful. And has a brand new bbq.

Wow people are odd aren’t they. She doesn’t ENVY her friend, she’s PROTECTIVE.

If someone said “My daughter has her own job, a great flat, quite a bit of money and she’s just got engaged to this man I know full well is a total shagger and has two kids he doesn’t see, AIBU to feel worried?” no-one would think that meant she was jealous FGS. It’s the same here, she’s painting a picture of a mate who has a really nice life and possibly is a bit of a magnet for a possibly unreliable womaniser.

Gobsmacked that people don’t find a dad who doesn’t see either of his kids a red flag. Explains a lot actually about how these guys keep racking up more and more kids.

Your friend knows all this and is fine with it. I hope her new guy treats her well, but if things turn bad be ready to be a supportive friend. That's all you can do.

I know, right?

It's that weird internet thing where a bunch of women insist that anyone who has anything negative to say is only saying it because they are TOTALLY JEALOUS.

Er, no, I don't the OP is "jealous" of her friend for having a boyfriend who is a deadbeat dad and most likely hangs out at strip clubs.

Also: if the OP were jealous of her friend for being attractive and wealthy, she wouldn't be trying to get advice about the boyfriend---she would be secretly gleeful that her "perfect" friend has lumbered herself with a bad'un.

@Nandakanda

How do you know the former partners aren't denying him access to the kids?

A good father would fight to see his children.

Yes @greenteafiend but only if the “jealous” person is also a woman. And there’s always a suggestion that she’s jealous of the person having a boyfriend because obviously OP has never known the touch of another human and lives in a bin.

One word (or is it two?): PRE-NUP.

Well, you know your friend, OP, so if you think she is apt to be gullible / naive / too trusting and you have seen this before, there is Probably something in Your worries.

Does she know that the minute she married him he has a claim on everything she has built up? Her house will be half his?

I would suggest to her that there is no rush to marry.

YANBU.
Typical to see a select few defending a man who has no contact with 2 children. What are the chances both mothers are obstructing contact to such a high degree that he cannot seem to win in court? (That’s assuming he’s tried really, really hard to obtain access.) I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who could do that and like you @Limeandlemon I’d be concerned for a friend.