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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is maybe a mug

64 replies

Limeandlemon · 15/09/2020 22:51

My friend recently got engaged to this guy she’s been with for about two years.
She is super gorgeous, is quite wealthy. She owns a sports car, has just recently bought a really nice house with massive garden, just bought a big fancy bbq, garden furniture and had a big party in her back garden.
She has pets with this guy too and she is very homely and motherly. She cooks all the time, has the place pristine, posts all over Instagram of her home and pets, and pics of them two. Every post features him in it.
Here is why I don’t like him.
He has an 11 year old child from his first relationship, her mother was a stripper when they met at a strip club. He doesn’t see this child at all. Has nothing to do with her.
He has a nine year old child to someone else, he was head over heels with at first now it has fizzled out and he doesn’t see his child. I don’t know why but the mother stays in the same town as them.
I get the feeling his feet are well and truly under the table and she’s living in this domestic bubble and she will soon be wanting babies to this guy.

He does contribute financially to the home as he works but she is the bread winner by far.
Anything like cars, home improvements, designer clothes come from her.
Major alarm bells are ringing as he doesn’t see his two kids.
I think she loves to paint an Instagram perfect life of little miss domestic goddess and he’s lapping it up getting all his cleaning done, meals cooked and has a beautiful woman on his arm. Yet his kids aren’t part of that picture.
Aibu to think he’s just a shit?

OP posts:

LadyH846 · 16/09/2020 06:45

@PopsicleHustler

So because someone has children from a previous relationship means they are a weasel

You sound terrific

I think you're missing the point, there are other things that make him a weasel.

thelegohooverer · 16/09/2020 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlternativePerspective · 16/09/2020 06:50

So because someone has children from a previous relationship means they are a weasel you mean from two previous relationships, neither of which they see? Yep, I’d say so.

Never ceases to amaze me how quickly people come out with “you sound jealous,” jealous of what exactly? Of a cocklodger Who goes trawling strip clubs, who has two children by two different women which they never see and is now in his longest ever relationship which just so happens to be with someone who has more money than he does and can support his lifestyle?

Some of you seriously need to raise your standards.

And interesting that the replies don’t mirror the vote....

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2020 06:55

You don’t know why he doesn’t see either child op. Or what’s going on. You know a fuck ton about her finances and what she owns though and have been quite detailed about it.

The reason people think you’re jealous and bitter is because having two relationships that end is not unusual. Not seeing his kids is terrible but I’m not even sure you know that is even totally true, you certainly don’t know why.

None of this comes across well. If you’d written something like my friend is engaged to a guy who has two kids to two different relationships and I think he doesn’t see them now, and I don’t know why and am worried about my friend it would be different.

But you didn’t.

sqirrelfriends · 16/09/2020 06:57

I don't think you sound bitter OP, it sounds to me like you know your friend can do better than a cocklodger who doesn't see his kids and will eventually hurt her.

And people posting about their "perfect lives" on Instagram very rarely actually have a perfect life, it's just set up to look that way.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2020 06:57

Of a cocklodger Who goes trawling strip clubs

Wow. Because he was involved with a woman who was a stripper doesn’t mean he went trawling strip clubs and the op says he contributes. Clearly she’s not aware of the ins and outs of the finances.

Seriously though. What a thing to write.

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2020 06:59

Him not seeing his children would be a red flag for me but the rest of your post just makes you seem jealous of her lifestyle. Have you asked her about it all properly?

PatricksRum · 16/09/2020 07:03

@Bluntness100

Of a cocklodger Who goes trawling strip clubs

Wow. Because he was involved with a woman who was a stripper doesn’t mean he went trawling strip clubs and the op says he contributes. Clearly she’s not aware of the ins and outs of the finances.

Seriously though. What a thing to write.

her mother was a stripper when they met at a strip club

You're wrong.

PatricksRum · 16/09/2020 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ because it repeats a deleted post. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Beautiful3 · 16/09/2020 07:13

There was no need to tell us that the first childs mother is a stripper! She is not a bad person just because that's her job! Notice you didn't tell us the other mothers occupation?! Your friend is old enough to know what she wants. Luckily it's easy enough for her to kick him out, as she has her own money and property. I would stay out of it.

Beautiful3 · 16/09/2020 07:15

Just read your update that her boyfriend is an "irishman". I think you're being very judgemental.

Sanitisethat · 16/09/2020 07:17

YANBU. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t bother with his kids. He’s probably absolutely lovely to your friend, but the way he treats his children says much more about his character imo.

IncandescentSilver · 16/09/2020 07:33

Nothing wrong with a 35 year old man who has ended 2 relationships with the mothers of his children? 2 different children with 2 different women by the age of 35, and already onto the next woman?

Wow. Some really aren't fussy if they think it's OK not to question that!

Cynara · 16/09/2020 07:37

How about you leave your presumably intelligent friend to make the choices she sees fit in her own (very lovely and successful life), and be on standby to support her if and when your suspicions about this man are proved right. If you can manage to do that without rubbing your hands with glee, that is.

Goldencurtain · 16/09/2020 07:39

Pretty sure all those saying you're bitter based on your Instagram comments have one of those Instagram accounts doing exactly the same

Nandakanda · 16/09/2020 07:42

How do you know the former partners aren't denying him access to the kids?

Byallmeans · 16/09/2020 07:44

My friend was a stripper and met her ex there. Wonder if it’s the same person

JalapenoDave · 16/09/2020 07:45

I really don't think you sound bitter OP, but then also I don't think your friend is being a mug.
Just because he has a chequered history doesn't necessarily mean he will do the same thing to your friend.
Even if he does, this is her mistake to make.
You're a good friend though, looking out for her like this. Hope everything works out for the best.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2020 07:52

Christ, going to a strip club doesn’t mean someone was trawling them.

Blimey unclutch the pearls.

SBTLove · 16/09/2020 07:59

I think MN descends very quickly into 1950s pious judgemental horror.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 16/09/2020 08:16

Jesus women can't wait to call other women bitter or jealous can they. If OP were a man she wouldn't br called these things. It's pathetic misogyny.

OP it's clear you were painting a picture. Any parent who doesn't see their children is guilty of neglect and a waste of space.

singtanana · 16/09/2020 08:23

Being Irish is relevant how?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2020 08:24

How fascinating. So many unnecessary details. But we need a new bbq. What did she go for?

Mittens030869 · 16/09/2020 08:31

* Jesus women can't wait to call other women bitter or jealous can they. If OP were a man she wouldn't br called these things. It's pathetic misogyny.*

^I agree with this. Why would the OP be jealous of her friend in this instance?

AlternativePerspective · 16/09/2020 08:32

How do you know the former partners aren't denying him access to the kids? well, even then, two different partners denying the same man access to their children should set alarm bells ringing....

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