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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a wedding without my husband

38 replies

couchpotato1 · 15/09/2020 18:18

My husband and I were invited to a wedding of a family member of mine. It was postponed due to Covid and has been rearranged for October. The bride has told me that although I am still invited, my husband is not. I’m not particularly close to her and was surprised to still get an invite as she obviously has very limited numbers.

Should I suck it up and go without him or politely decline the invitation and risk upsetting her?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 15/09/2020 18:19

Do you want to go?

Shoxfordian · 15/09/2020 18:20

If you want to go then go

Dollywilde · 15/09/2020 18:21

Given the fact numbers are reduced, if I wanted to go I would - it’s not like she just changed her mind and I’m not one of those who thinks couples should be joined at the hip. Ordinarily it would be rude to invite half a couple but these are extraordinary times. Are you worried about your husband’s feelings or would he be fine with it?

Reddog1 · 15/09/2020 18:21

She’s had to cut numbers so there’ll be plenty of people there solo. Go, and enjoy.

Terrace58 · 15/09/2020 18:22

In normal times, I would not even consider attending a wedding that excluded my spouse, but these are not normal times. For me it would depend on how much I wanted to attend and how close we were. Every extra person raises the risk, so if you aren’t close, stay home and protect her elderly relatives.

user1487194234 · 15/09/2020 18:22

If you want to go ,if you don't then don't
Not sure what the issue is

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/09/2020 18:23

Do you want to see her get married? If so, you should go.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2020 18:23

@user1487194234

If you want to go ,if you don't then don't Not sure what the issue is
Quite.

Do you often need to seek advice on decisions like this?

Go if you wish to, don’t if you don’t.

Deadringer · 15/09/2020 18:27

I would be perfectly happy to go to a wedding or anywhere really without my dh, we are two seperate people. Why wouldn't you go?

Ginfordinner · 15/09/2020 18:28

Are you offended that she had to uninvite him?

Uninviting partners because of having to reduce numbers would be the most logical thing to do IMO.

Parky04 · 15/09/2020 18:28

If I was uninvited it would be bliss. I hate weddings and would be more than happy for DW to go on her own.

StarchyStanley · 15/09/2020 18:28

I also don't really get what the issue is tbh...do you think she was being rude and deliberately excluding your DH because she has something against him personally or something?

I have had this and I did decline, but at the time, I was heavily pregnant, couldn't drive, the invitation was only for the evening do and was hundreds of miles away. So, not really the husband issue. If it had been local etc, I would have gone.

Ginfordinner · 15/09/2020 18:30

Why do so many mumsnetters hate weddings? We rarely get invited to weddings, and really enjoy the ones we go to. Maybe because the ones we get invited to aren't Instagram extravaganzas?

DilemmaADay · 15/09/2020 18:51

The same thing has happened to me recently regarding a wedding and DP being uninvited. Its because of Covid numbers and I completely understand that my DP who shes met a couple of times doesnt factor into one of her or her DH to be's top 30 people. I'm happily going alone with other friends who are also coming without partners.

We're not joined at the hip.

Ragwort · 15/09/2020 18:55

I've been to weddings without my DH, nothing wrong with that at all and personally I would be delighted not to accompany him to weddings of his friends or distant family members that I hardly know - we are not joined at the hip, I don't expect him to drag along with me to meet my friends Hmm.

Roowig2020 · 15/09/2020 18:59

Go if you want to. I've been to several weddings without dh of 11years. A few times he wasn't invited and other times he babysat. It's not a big deal imo.

Ragwort · 15/09/2020 18:59

Gin - sadly in my experience weddings are all very similar - big, showy events, (Some in Church where clearly neither bride nor groom has any faith, just using it for 'pretty photos'), ridiculous outfits, bland food, dull speeches, tedious evening 'disco' Hmm ... And the vast majority we have been invited to have ended in divorce so I am really not 'excited' by wedding invitations anymore, I do now send polite 'regrets'.

ellentree · 15/09/2020 19:03

I wouldn't normally go if my husband wasn't invited (and have declined an invite for that reason before) - but in these circumstances when they are bound by law and not choice, I would go without him. I also wouldn't mind my husband going to his cousin's postponed wedding next year without me if they still have to have reduced numbers.

Leeds2 · 15/09/2020 19:04

I would go alone, if you are happy to do so and use it as an opportunity to catch up with family without having to make sure that DH was ok. If you would have to stay over in a hotel, maybe he could come with you and entertain himself during the wedding/evening, but have a leisurely breakfast together the following day and enjoy the morning at least at the hotel.

Macncheeseballs · 15/09/2020 19:06

Love a wedding, would definitely go without dh and have done

Fearicecream · 15/09/2020 19:06

Just fucking go!

yolio · 15/09/2020 19:17

Sorry now, but I cannot understand how anyone would even consider going to a wedding these days. Sorry now if I have offended anyone.

The marriage is the important thing, the wedding is the stupid party for those who really don't care about you much at the end of the day.

I would decline politely. Bet they will be delighted to have more cancellations. So sorry to be so cynical, but that is the way things are now.

Namechangeforthis88 · 15/09/2020 19:26

I was an evening only wedding guest in February. In fact I was quite openly a B list guest. So glad the bride got over her reservations about the etiquette, I had the best night out I've had in years, it was brilliant, like a girls' night out.

thecatsthecats · 15/09/2020 19:27

@DilemmaADay

The same thing has happened to me recently regarding a wedding and DP being uninvited. Its because of Covid numbers and I completely understand that my DP who shes met a couple of times doesnt factor into one of her or her DH to be's top 30 people. I'm happily going alone with other friends who are also coming without partners.

We're not joined at the hip.

This.

Are people really SO self centred that they think their personal desire to be conjoined to their partner is more important than doing your best to ensure your nearest and dearest can celebrate their drastically altered wedding in these circumstances?

Christ, I didn't make the cut to my friend's wedding and I'm a bridesmaid. If I had, my husband would have happily given up his place for a closer friend.

Barring severe social anxiety, I call this what non-teats do.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 15/09/2020 19:42

What exactly are you ‘sucking up’? Have you been insulted or snubbed in some way?

Weddings are currently 30 people maximum. You say yourself you were quite surprised to get an invite under the circumstances, so it makes sense that your husband wouldn’t. Surely you can manage without him for one day?

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