Is this unreasonable?

[punter]

DH is getting forgetful and somewhat cross when he cannot log into certain websites or bank accounts because he can't remember the passwords etc. Usually calls for me to help him. So I do but I run out of patience sometimes and it ends in a niggly row. Now my problem. We have a Sky box and watch a lot of TV. He now wants to order Sky Q and have a mini box in the bedroom. I know that a new screen interface and remote will throw him and I will get involved in making the stuff work. Which I don't want to do. He called me selfish and controlling and says he will order it anyway. Am I being unreasonable not to cave in? We have been married many many years.

Seems like a weird thing or you to take a stance over considering the sky engineer will show him how to work it anyway.

I hope this is a troll, otherwise you come across as rather petty OP.

That sounds really petty from you.

What a stupid thing to have a fight about. Just tell him to crack on and get the sky engineer to show him how to use it. Life is too short to die on a hill as petty as this!

Do you like your husband?

I get it op, it would feel like a child calling “mum!” every 5 mins.

I agree with sky engineer showing him how it works and him being responsible for remembering all his own passwords.

What do you mean by getting forgetful? Has he seen his GP about it?
Being unable to remember how things work was the first sign of dementia in my dad.

So are you saying that he should never have any password accessible apps/devices again? How strange.

Unless this is a reverse ...

Why wouldn’t you help? My DH sorts out everything to do with our various subscriptions. I do other things.

Seriously, you should help him.

Of course you should help him.

But I do understand where you're coming from. It's not so much "forgetting" as "can't be bothered to remember because I have someone to remember for me".

Do you have sky currently?

Honestly it’s not that different from the old one, it’s intuitive, in fact likely easier as it has audio commands, you just press the button on the side of the remote and tell it what you wish to watch,

I’d not pick this hill to die on, seriously.

He needs a notebook to write his passwords down in. When FIL started unbearably struggling we went though all his accounts and set a consistent password and wrote them all down in one notebook.
And regarding the TV, get the instructions and put them next to the tv and he can read that.

YABU not to 'let' him order it - but you would not be unreasonable to tell him you won't be providing tech support, and he'll need to work out how to use it by himself.

Does he use a mobile phone, OP? If so, can you not download something like 'aWallet' and put all his passwords in that? He can either just remember one password to get into it or use his fingerprint.

Seems a tad trivial not to help him. Some people are just technophobes. Does he do anything to help you?

Seriously? That's a random hill to die on OP.

Odd you seem unconcerned about an apparently relatively new issue with his memory!

That's a worrying symptom at any age and needs to be investigated.

Work with him to develop ways of coping with it.

But I agree seems petty to argue with him about getting something that is potentially unlikely to be a major problem once you're logged in etc

I kind of get it... the other day DP asked me if he should answer the door when it was knocked

It can be difficult living with someone who would rather just ask you about everything than take steps to remember/find out/do things on their own but not sure that a Sky box in the bedroom would be the worst thing in the grand scheme of things....

So the poor bloke is getting forgetful and your first reaction is not to help him? What if it progresses into dementia, will you not help him then?

Poor guy

I get you OP.

By the way you talk (being angry at him) about it I assume it's more like you're sick of being the one that has to actually remember stuff and do it all for him like a child rather than him making an actual effort to think for himself and try to remember stuff? My DH is a fully functioning adult but won't try to remember stuff like that.

Or if you mean he's getting forgetful now because of some condition then I think it's unreasonable. It's hard but "in sickness and in health" does kind of cover this bit and you would be being unreasonable.

Get the passwords noted down in his phone if his phone is secure.
A notepad? Not so safe. Especially for online banking! Don't do that.

Frustrating as it is this is just part of getting older. Help him with a means to remember all the passwords and then leave him to it. There are evens aps for that if he has a phone

For passwords try the Last Pass app.

It’s a mental load thing isn’t it OP, which normally people would jump all over him for. Say to him it’s fine if he wants it but you’re not going to be his tech support so he’d better take some notes from the engineer.

So think of a system that helps him to remember passwords. I'm sure there are some high tech ones out there. I have a small notebook for mine as I have different ones for every log in. I couldn't possibly remember all of them.

Do you remember all the passwords? How?

He can't use remotes? How old is he?