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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ill friend at a social event

39 replies

bustybetty · 14/09/2020 14:36

I went to an outdoor social event on Saturday and I was disgusted to see a 'friend' there who was visibly ill. He was coughing, and looked and sounded unwell. AIBU to feel its irresponsible to turn up in this state. I kept my distance but he was even near the BBQ and cooking food. I'm being made out to be the bad guy at thinking its off, I'm annoyed as I have told my parents to avoid me now for two weeks just in case as they shielded for 4 months and I'm the only person they see. Opinions please!

OP posts:
NoCureForLove · 14/09/2020 14:38

Why didn't you leave instead of staying and being 'disgusted'?

MollieMaeve · 14/09/2020 14:39

Is it possible he’d been tested because he had a cough and it was negative?

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 14/09/2020 14:39

FFS! He could have had hayfever, allergies, sinus drainage or been hungover, any number of things. The paranoia over this virus is ridiculous, as is your attempt to slag someone off on the bloody internet. Move on! Live and let live.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 14/09/2020 14:40

@MollieMaeve

Is it possible he’d been tested because he had a cough and it was negative?
There are infectious diseases other than Covid. It's normally manners not to go to a social event when you've got anything nasty you might pass on.
MrsStefani · 14/09/2020 14:41

Yep, totally irresponsible. I think I would have made my excuses and left.

Even if he had a test and it was negative, spreading a bad cough around in the current climate is not the most considerate thing to do.

Notcontent · 14/09/2020 14:42

Yes, really irresponsible and stupid of him. Some people are really arrogant and stupid. The only time this would be acceptable would be if his symptoms were completely unrelated to anything viral - e.g. a lung condition.

Original poster
bustybetty · 14/09/2020 14:44

@NoCureForLove

Why didn't you leave instead of staying and being 'disgusted'?
I moved to a table the furthest away as I had already travelled an hour to get there. I only realised how ill he was when he spoke and looked pasty and sweaty, by that point he had already been cooking the BBQ!
OP posts:
Notcontent · 14/09/2020 14:44

Agree with the others that it is not really relevant what virus he had - I think the last six months have changed our attitudes about spreading illness with no regard for others.

Original poster
bustybetty · 14/09/2020 14:46

@MollieMaeve I wish he had - I have now had 3 different reasons he was unwell. A test either way would be the best idea all round!

OP posts:
MandosHatHair · 14/09/2020 14:48

YANBU, even if he has tested negative, he should have stayed at home. Catching any cough right now massively inconveniences people and can mean a long time off work or school given the current issues with tests.

Alwaysinpain · 14/09/2020 14:49

The biggest question here is WHY DIDN'T YOU CONFRONT HIM?!?!?! - If you feel so strongly about it

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/09/2020 15:13

I’d have left regardless of the drive but wouldn’t have gone in the first place to a social event with numerous others.

Timeforanotherusername · 14/09/2020 15:19

Surely you are responsible for your actions?

OK he shouldn't have been there.

But as others have said why didn't you leave?

We went to do an activity that we believed was running at reduced capacity and would be socially distanced.

On arrival we realised there was no opportunity to socially distance.

We had paid quite a lot of money and we didn't know if we would get it back. We still left and took ourselves out of a situation we felt had unnecessary risk.

StormzyInaDCup · 14/09/2020 15:21

Some people like to get on their high horse @bustybetty. Just ignore them.

IMO, it's wrong to go to a social event if you're unwell. Whether it's covid or a cold. If he's visably ill, then hes been incredibly selfish to expose others.

RepeatSwan · 14/09/2020 15:23

I would have made an excuse and left tbh.

At the current time I couldn't go out socialising with a covid symptom like a cough without feeling a bit awkward I think!

ColleagueFromMars · 14/09/2020 15:23

I'm also of the opinion that he shouldn't have been there - but you also could have asked him to leave/got the host to ask him to leave, or left early yourself.

Belladonna12 · 14/09/2020 15:27

Whether or not it's Covid it's very selfish of him to turn up at an event when ill at the moment. I would have left and then phoned the host later to let them know why.

jessstan2 · 14/09/2020 15:36

People can be unwell without having the dreaded c virus.

Belladonna12 · 14/09/2020 15:38

@jessstan2

People can be unwell without having the dreaded c virus.
Yes but still extremely thoughtless to risk infecting people at the moment. One of the reasons they are trying harder to get people to have a flu jab this year is that people will be extremely vulnerable if they catch both flu and Covid at once.
TitianaTitsling · 14/09/2020 15:41

Was he the host given he was cooking?

wasthataburp · 14/09/2020 15:45

Yes it is irresponsible and that's regardless of COVID. Chances of him having it are pretty slim in the grand scheme of things but I don't think anyone should be going to social events anyway if they are unwell. You wouldn't go to a friends house if you had a sickness bug or the flu / a cough etc so it's irresponsible imo

rorosemary · 14/09/2020 15:46

I've left parties in the past when someone came in with chickenpox or something like that. People should really think before they infect others.

Ohtherewearethen · 14/09/2020 15:49

Covid aside, it's really poor form to attend a social event and cook food for others to eat when you are so ill. Whether it's cold/flu like symptoms, sickness and diarrhoea, conjunctivitis, you just don't do it if you could make others ill aswell.

ginghamtablecloths · 14/09/2020 16:04

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, OP. Covid or no Covid, it is unpleasant to have someone preparing/cooking food if they are obviously unwell. You've done the best you could under the circs. Hope you continue to stay well.

Standrewsschool · 14/09/2020 16:08

If he looked and sounded Ill, I would have felt uncomfortable, whether it was Covid or not.

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