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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re school response to Y8s sharing nude picture?

53 replies

4dogs · 14/09/2020 08:34

Last Tuesday evening my 12 yr old dd told me that a group of Y8 children at her school are in a whatsapp chat group, she’d been invited into the chat and was worried because some of the children were sharing a nude picture of another y8 boy and discussing it (comments about penis size so sounds like a full frontal pic). They were sharing the pic via dm so thankfully she didn’t see it. From what she could gather the boy in question had sent a nude selfie to another boy who had then shared it with other children. She didn’t know who the original boy was or if he knew what was happening but didn’t think he was in the chat group.

I explained to her that she was right to tell me and told her I would inform the school. I emailed the school and next day the office emailed to say it had been forwarded to the head and lead safeguarding person. That teacher spoke to dd and said because they didn’t know who the nude student was they couldn’t do anything.

I had expected them to email Y8 parents to warn them what’s been happening and maybe talk to Y8 students about the risks, appropriateness (and legality) of sharing such material. AIBU to have expected the school to have done something to raise awareness?

Should I do anything else?

OP posts:
MoistMolly · 14/09/2020 08:37

Surely if the image is of someone under 18, then the police should be informed?

growinggreyer · 14/09/2020 08:42

You could contact your local authority to report a safeguarding concern. The picture is still on phones and being shared as far as you know.

lanthanum · 14/09/2020 08:42

Yes, I agree, there needs to be some education going on here.

Perhaps if you mention it to the police, they will ask to go into the school and talk to the year 8 students...

contrmary · 14/09/2020 08:44

Definitely contact the police. It is illegal for them to be sharing child abuse images - the fact they themselves are underage is irrelevant.

Sportsnight · 14/09/2020 08:44

I don’t understand the school’s responses They know who the kids are who are sharing it, so they can handle it. Maybe worth another try with the school saying that if they can’t action it you’ll have to pass it over to the police?

Florencex · 14/09/2020 08:45

You contacted the school about this? 😳 This was a matter for police, not school!

enyemaka · 14/09/2020 08:46

Raising awareness is likely to bring more talk and humiliation on the student involved. You as parents don’t need to be involved (and probably shouldn’t be). Something like time in tutor or an assembly is likely to be given to the issue. Gossip about these sorts of issues needs to die down while the student/s is are supported.

enyemaka · 14/09/2020 08:47

And reports are made to police by safeguarding officers. There is an in school system designed to support the students (not inform parents of every move).

Comefromaway · 14/09/2020 08:48

In my experience some schools will try and sweep it under the carpet.

My son was that boy except it was year 7. a boy took another boy's phone out of his bag and took a nude photo of my son whilst he was in the showers after PE. The photo was not to our knowledge put on social media but the boy was threatening to send it to people. The school confiscated the phone but told us they were not allowed to actually check it had been deleted, the child whose phone it was said it had been deleted but we have no proof.. My husband who is a teacher found out that was wrong when he asked the question during one of his school's training days.

To this day we don't know if the photo still exists.

user1493413286 · 14/09/2020 08:48

I would expect the school are doing plenty behind the scenes such as contacting police and local authority. They’ll then be working out how to address it without making it worse for the young person in the picture. If you let them know Wednesday morning they’ve only had 3 days and need to follow a process; I’d wait until the end of the week then contact them with your suggestions around educating children

user1493413286 · 14/09/2020 08:49

It’s good your DD felt able to tell you though

42daystogo · 14/09/2020 08:50

100% police need to be informed as its a criminal offence for anyone (underage or not) to share indecent images of a minor. I would contact the police and they will have to investigate, they will probably just ensure the photo is deleted due to the age of the children sharing the photo but at least it will help the boy in the photo

ittakes2 · 14/09/2020 08:50

Maybe they do intend to do this - but if the boy is at school they might also not want to raise the profile of the picture by humiliating him through formally telling all the parents. I would be putting this boys interests infront for the immediate future and reminding people of internet safety at an appropriate time. If you email all the parents the first thing they are going to do is ask their child about it - and if their child does not already know they are going to start asking their friends about it.

Cauliflower82 · 14/09/2020 08:51

This is shocking! The school should, at the very least, contact the police. I would also expect everyone in school to be made aware that sharing naked photos is actually illegal. I work in a school and I would come down so hard on this!

Angel2702 · 14/09/2020 08:54

At our school the phones would be confiscated and police called. It is a criminal offence to forward the photo even if you are underage. Kids have ended up with criminal records and expelled over similar at our school.

pooiepooie25 · 14/09/2020 08:54

@ittakes2

Maybe they do intend to do this - but if the boy is at school they might also not want to raise the profile of the picture by humiliating him through formally telling all the parents. I would be putting this boys interests infront for the immediate future and reminding people of internet safety at an appropriate time. If you email all the parents the first thing they are going to do is ask their child about it - and if their child does not already know they are going to start asking their friends about it.
I am sure this is what is happening and would be the most sensible way to deal with it
pooiepooie25 · 14/09/2020 08:55

@Florencex

You contacted the school about this? 😳 This was a matter for police, not school!
She was absolutely right to contact the school. It's a major safeguarding concern.
greengreengrass14 · 14/09/2020 08:55

I have fouwww.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/nd this site helpful in the past, I'm not sure how they are with funding at the moment due to covid but in the past they had been operating a headline.

They also do free courses for parents. They tend to be at the top of their game on this
www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

greengreengrass14 · 14/09/2020 08:58

That was actually the wrong link sorry although it might be useful as background.

The site that is specifically for parents is Thinkuknow

Hope it helps

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/

CannibalQueen · 14/09/2020 09:08

As the OP doesn't have children in the year affected, perhaps the school HAS contacted that year's parents privately and asked them to check their children's phones etc. But I agree, a visit from the police safeguarding team and a general lesson about what constitutes porn and a criminal offence, might be very valuable at this stage. I would perhaps call the police, not on the 999 of course, discuss the situation and ask them to perhaps arrange a visit to the school in order to nip this in the bud.

Ceilingfan · 14/09/2020 09:44

Agree with PP, this is a police matter.

That poor lad.

missyB1 · 14/09/2020 09:58

As the Op doesnt have children in the year group affected

Err... Yes her dd is in that year, unless I've misread the OP? So she would know if the year group had been spoken to or not.

Original poster
4dogs · 14/09/2020 10:06

My child is Y8 so I would know if they had emailed parents. I contacted the school rather than police because the commonality was they are all Y8 students at the same school. Due to screen names dd isn’t even sure who some of them are. It had occurred to me they may be being discreet to protect the boy but from what they said to dd i do not think they intend to do anything. And they wouldn’t need to warn parents a nude of a child at the school is being shared, just that nude pictures of a child are being shared. They often email parents about other internet risks such as the tiktok suicide that was doing the rounds.

OP posts:
Original poster
4dogs · 14/09/2020 10:09

enyemaka you don’t think parents need to be involved when their children are sharing such pictures?! We are responsible for our children, if they are behaving in irresponsible and possibly illegal ways we need to know so we can prevent it. That’s our duty as parents.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 14/09/2020 10:12

Our school has a policy that they will intervene in major issues but if the children are underage for the app they expect the parents to remove access if there has been trouble.