Ami being unreasonable

[Ashbash2003]

Hey this is the first time I’ve ever used this but feeling really low so need some advice, I gave birth to a baby boy January this year was totally unplanned as I thought I was going through the menopause at 41, but I’m literally at my wits ends with my husband he thinks coz he works as a chef (long hours) it’s all basically down to me I’ve gone back to work but only once a week at mo doing a 10 hour shift, I’m just so sick of getting told it’s my responsibility to put clothes away etc and yesterday when football was on and our son had poo he’s like it’s up his back you need to put him in a baby grow I said why can’t you he’s like I’m watching football, so I feed bath change look after him in general all the time but coz I’ve been out like twice since he’s been born I get that chucked in my face, I say he’s a narcissistic but he says I am, I’m sorry to rant on just don’t know where else to turn

No advice but you're not being unreasonable at all, it sounds like he's being really horrible to you

Thank you I’m literally sat here in tears I want my mum but can’t say anything with fear of her hating him

You are definitely not unreasonable. Your husband is being very unfair, if he doesn't listen to you maybe someone else could have a frank talk with him.

Is there any way you could afford to have some paid help? You do need help and it would give you a break.

You should call your mum. Don't hide things. Your husband is lazy & selfish and your mum would want to support you.

That sounds like a very hard situation. I'd definitely speak to your Mum.

Being a new parent is very overwhelming, and in your own way you could both be having a hard time. Can you try and have a time where you sit down and talk about how you will navigate these things - share responsibilities, maybe a set time each week your dp does the parenting and you have time to yourself? For example an hour every evening and Saturday mornings? You need a break, it will help him bond and see how much work it is. Also try and find time to connect as a couple too, maybe Sat night takeaways with a film etc. It's very hard as new parents and can take time to find your groove as a parent, parents in it together and as a couple.

Talk to your mum. You need some support. He needs to grow up!

Tell your mum . Talking is so important. She wont hate him. She might be able to help. Even by just listening to you.

Being a parent is hard . Especially now. And even more considering your boy was a big fat surpise 😍. Talk to your mum. Vent. Get it out. And then talk to your dh. How you feel. How he makes you feel and how you think you can solve this (come with concrete plans and ideas).
Big digital hug.

No. He needs to take his part in raising his child too.

At 41 i would have thought you would have planned having a baby a bit better so YABU.

Call your mum.

He’s a twat.

@MomToTwoBabas

Wow helpful.

MomToTwoBabas
Wow that was insightful.
Did you read the OP? She said she thought she was going through the menopause.

But I'm sure you are perfect and never made a mistake. You really need to take a look at your words, it's disgusting, judgemental, rude and very very unhelpful.

Ashbash2003
YANBU at all. Being a new parent is very hard and if you don't have a solid relationship it shows the cracks even more and resentment grows.
Why would you stay if you do it all anyway and feel he is a narcissistic it will just be dragging you down.

Talk to your mum or a good mate, you need someone to sound off to.

Definitely speak to someone in real life - your mum would definitely want to know how you feel.

I don't know if it will really matter how you explain it to your husband. But let's say he works 10 hours 5 days a week. You also work 10 hours 5 days a week... just at home... keeping his baby happy and healthy (and probably looking after the house, cooking, cleaning etc?). Outside of his shifts, you're still working... so he should be doing his fair share. I know you say you're working 1 day a week, but you're really not. You're working all the time he is plus some. He should be doing half the work that needs doing whilever he's not doing his paid work.

You do both need time off of course. And I wouldn't begrudge him downtime for watching football, but that works both ways. If he was an hour or two off then he should also want to give you the same.

Isn't a husband supposed to be a partner?
As in, sharing things and helping each other out?
If he's expecting you to do all of the legwork, what do you actually get out of the relationship?
It's time to sit him down and point out to him that you may as well be on your own - unless there is something spectacular he is bringing to your life.

MomToTwoBabas

I’d expect a mom of two babas to be less of an arsehole

Yanbu

Definitely call your Mum. Don’t hide stuff.

can’t say anything with fear of her hating him

Now I’m not saying he’s abusive - could just be a lazy shit - but that how abusive men get away with it. Women don’t want to tell as they don’t want people to dislike their man. The best thing you can do is tell someone exactly what he’s like.

When he’s home it’s 50:50. He’s a plonker, bad luck.

Maybe he deserves to be hated.

At 41 i would have thought you would have planned having a baby a bit better so YABU.

I must have missed the bit where the OP said it was an immaculate conception.

@mumtotwobabas are you always this much of a cunt or is it reserved for special occasion?!

OP speak to your mum and if I was you I’d be making plans to separate

Once he is home it should be 50/50.

The days of men expecting women to wipe their backsides and let them lounge around watching sports/playing their games consoles after a busy day being big an important are gone, or they should be.

Call your mum and talk the situation through as it doesn't sound like the relayis a healthy environment at the moment.

Sorry I guess I’m the only one that makes mistakes although I don’t regret him one bit but hey you’re opinion

As I’m sure you’re perfect!!!!

Thank you

Thank you to everyone